grandad

He was there , once upon a time, along time ago. He was in my life briefly but he's influence remains many years after he passed and left me. In fact this is the 50th without him being there. Strangely , I am told again of the things we did together, the places we went and the tobacco tin of sweets. the strange bit is I remember the sweets, remember the time but struggle with his face.

Maybe as I was 4 when he died I spent time along way benerath his face, yet near the sweet treats. I remeber the day he died, we lived at one end of a road and they lived at the other. Now it was just my Grandma in the old house. Once it contained 4 children , 2 parents and an auntie. Now just one remained.

Although only 4 I was sent to spend time with her, grandad had gone and she was alone. We sat and watched her favourite film on her tiny television. Somehow her favourite film had been scheduled on her worst day. We watched in silence, after she saw me across the road and I walked home, carrying a sweet for my little brother, I was already chewing mine.

There were pictures , there remained the sweet tin and his most important creation, my dad. My grandad died aged 52, his dad at 50. This meant my dad learnt quickly and I did the same, just in case. My dad was a product of his father, I wanted to be a product of the most important role model I had.

He is still around, many years longer then his father, and determined to make the most of everything. He knew he was potentially a time bomb, ready to go off soon after his 50th birthday. He took early retirement, worked part time in a few roles and then stopped. I am not long after my 50th birthday and would love to cut down the same. I don't have the money but do have the lady I want to spend the rest of my life with.

She is a lot younger then me, our relationship started with some opposition. I used the above examples to justify the situation. I wasn't going to wait to find someone closer in age, especially as I might be close to the end. I wasn't going to waste the opportunity, eight years on and I don't regret a thing.

He taught me to put myself first, this was exactly what I was doing. He taught me to sort my priorities, be organised and be careful with money. As the song goes, 2 out of 3 aint bad.

To this day he can tell to the penny what his bank contains, he has been known to argue with the bank because he's sure they are wrong and he's right. All receipts are checked, filed appropriately and stored. if he got a ten year warranty for something nine years ago he will have the paperwork.

That's probably the bit I needed to learn the most. I paid bills and eat till the money ran out, then tried to live till next payday. Maybe if I had listened I would have my own home and would be planning my retirement. My retirement plan is investing in lotteries rather then property.

When I feel low there's a bench that was placed in the park, near to where my grandparents lived. It has their names and is a place for solace. I dont belive in any religon, not in ghosts, not in much really. I still sit there and think back to the brief time with my grandad and the longer times with my nana. She outlived her husband by just under 30 years, strong as a the proverbial ox and many time cleverer.

I tried to blend the various influences with my own children, the strengths, the attitude to life and occasionally the sweet tin. I did my best, now they are adults the same I try to be the grandad I briefly had. Nobody is perfect but with the right ingredients you can be decent.

Not everyone has positive role models and I dont envy you. Instead of giving in to the wrong past maybe share what others have learned. Seek advice, take advice and listen to the good guys. There is enough grandparent love to go around.