Ghostly Happenings

It has been six days past six months since you died. Six days past six months since I came downstairs to find you lying frozen in your sleep. You were my best friend, my confidant, my grandma... In some ways, my everything.

I called Mom and told her I couldn't wake you, that you were cold and stiff... She left work and called my uncle and aunt, your sister. I lost it for three minutes, then got dressed, before the first responders came... Two of which were our neighbors.

I still hear the sounds of mom, grandpa, and your mom crying when they came in... I'll never be able to forget those sounds... The anguish, the pain and sadness... Your mom came to you for everything and to see her lose that and see her crying, it hurt so much.

I haven't cried for sadness since, except when that aunt, your younger sister, died. That felt like losing my second mom, and another best friend and confidant, and it was almost exactly two months after you died. Three siblings, all red-haired, eldest, middle, youngest... All gone, all dead... Uncle, Aunt, and Grandma for me... Children, Wives, Mothers, Aunts, Nieces, Nephew, Uncle, Cousins, Family...

As much as I miss you -all of you- it's almost as if you were never here, or never left. Mom obsesses over things just like you did. Bills, cleaning (too much), fighting with Jacob and Grandpa, etc. Your room is just how you left it, aside from Grandpa finally changing the light fixture in the bathroom. He's finally working on completing all those projects he started when you were here, the ones you asked him to do... It's like he thinks finishing them will bring you back.

Remember when things used to disappear and we would say that the ghosts in the house or on the property took them, because they wanted to use them? I think you've been doing that, and so has your sister. Your kitchen knife that was a wedding present disappeared the other night when we needed it to make something... and appeared the next night, after we asked for it. You always used that knife... Going so far as to wash it, even when other knives were clean, because you said it worked better and you'd never been cut by it, despite it being the oldest knife in the house.

Ghostly happenings aside -as well as love- it feels like you were never really here, but it also feels like you never really left. I'll be sitting in the chair I found you in that day, and expecting you to walk through the door any moment... We still call it your room, your chair, your truck...

Grandpa has been on Mom and me about cleaning out your things, for months, but every time I think about it, I just freeze up. I can't imagine getting rid of anything of yours, even though I know we need to.

To this day I still go to be hoping it's all a dream... I can't believe any of you are gone, and want you all back. Ghostly presence isn't enough, we need you here. I love you all so much and not having either of you here hurts so much; we still can't talk about the three of you without pain.

I can't cry about it anymore... Not the painful, sad things... I just want you back. I want this to all be a dream and to wake up someday and have you all back. I wanted you all there for my wedding, but you won't be. Can this be a dream?