Forever

Eight months and thirteen days.

That’s how long it was since my boyfriend broke up with me.

I can’t even call it a real breakup. He came over one night, cried, and screamed at me. Then he left. It destroyed me.

“Why? What did I do wrong?” My screams echoed through the walls as he rushed out of the house. Our relationship was good. I loved my life the way it was. What did I do?

I don't understand.

He hasn’t answered my calls or texts since. No explanation, not even an official “it’s over” conversation. I was just out of his life one day. He decided that. Not me.

I'm not proud of it, but I broke into his house. I screamed, and I threw things. I banged on the walls and tore apart his living room. I just wanted his attention. He said I was scaring him and wanted me to leave. He called the cops. I didn't leave like he wanted. I wasn't ready to let him go yet. We were in love. He couldn't just throw us away.

Now he’s bringing other girls around, and I can’t get over him. I didn’t get any closure, and I guess that’s just making it hard for me to accept that it’s all over.

I scream at all his little girlfriends, driving them all away. They didn’t love him the way I did. They weren’t what he needed. He and I had so much history together. We were together all through high school. It was me that got him through his parents’ divorce. I’ve seen him in all his vulnerable moments. Even now, I sit with him as he cries in bed about how nothing is going the way it should have.

My hands touch his face, and he shivers.

“I’ll always be here. I’ll never leave,” I whisper in his ear. I stay with him even as he shivers at my touch and continues to ignore me.

I pull him into a hug. I craved his touch, his attention.

He yells at me to leave him alone, but I know better.

Even when he yells and screams cries, I stay. He promised me forever.

“I’ll be here forever,” I tell him again.

He’ll never be rid of me. He’s moved and changed his name. He thinks I won’t find him. He’s wrong, of course. I’ll follow him wherever he goes.

Why does he run from me? I don’t want to hurt him.

I just want to talk to him. I've always been there for him. I just want to know why he didn't want me, and I thought surely if he saw me, he'd realize this was a mistake! I'd go to the ends of the galaxy for him.

But every time he sees me, he looks like he’s going to be sick. He shudders and cries. And these new girls he's dating – they act like I'm not even there!

Am I truly that disgusting?

I’ve tried texting him, and at first, he just ignored me, and I thought he must have blocked me for a while. But he finally responded this morning, but it's hard to even get excited about that because it wasn't exactly the "let's work this out" message I was hoping for.

His text said,

“I don’t know who this is. This is a sick joke. Stop it now. I’ve called the police. Please leave me alone.”

I shriek and throw the phone against the wall. His wide eyes dart around the room.

“It can’t be you. I killed you,” he whispers.

An icy smile rips across my face. “We’ll be together forever. I’ll never leave.”