Field Of Lilacs

The field of lilacs was always peaceful. All of my dreams and aspirations lurked in and around the white and lavender assortment of flowers. I used to go every day, even if it was raining. Something about it, every time I stepped onto the field everything felt more lively and bright. The noise of nature would encumber everything around me.

Ma showed me the field when I was young. I fell in love with it and everything about it instantly. She eventually stopped coming with me. She got sick. Pa always said she was gonna be better next month. He did that every month. He was hopeful, so I was hopeful.

I liked bringing her flowers from the field. Pa would take them in for me, he stopped letting me see her after a while. He said it helped the healing process. I would always try and listen through the bedroom door though. I couldn’t ever make anything out, it tended to be muffled and unintelligible.

I got back from the field one evening and heard pa talking on the landline. I couldn’t make out all of the words yet a few words and phrases reached me. “Job.” “I need this.” Those mixed up with words young me wouldn’t take kindly to me saying.

Every morning he would tell ma goodbye with his briefcase in hand and walk to wherever he went. We didn’t have a car so he had to walk to work when he had a job. I’ve learned as I got older he left to give us the illusion of him having a job, for ma’s and my sake. He came home often with a foul stench in his breath that I hated. Where he went the other days lay with him.

The lilacs seemed to help me forget what was going on at any given point. I would get lost in them. It was like a new world when I entered, like nothing mattered. The field knew me, it knew my secrets, it knew who I was deep down within me.

One day I had gotten back from school and lay in the field. My eyes were closed but I heard a soft voice over me. As I opened my eyes the sun blinded me so I could only make out a silhouette. “Why are you on the ground?” a high pitched boy’s voice asked.

I could finally see what the silhouette looked like. It was a kind eyed boy with piercing blue eyes. I remember them being like the ocean. I had never been but I always loved the idea of being there. He had pale skin with disheveled brown hair to go along with it. He looked to be about my age. “I like it down here” I replied back after I made him out.

He stood for a few seconds smiling, his eyes were up so I could tell he was thinking about what to say. “Why?” he asked after a short pause.

“I don’t know” I shrugged answering quickly.

He stopped inquiring after I said that. He sat next to me with his knees tucked in and we sat in silence. We let the silence dance atop us. I wondered if the field made him feel the same way. He looked around into the sky and looked at the mix of lilacs . Even in silence the field spoke a thousand words to us. Each word easily comprehensible.

“Pumpkin died” he said out of nowhere, he paused for a few beats “my dog.” He was still looking in the sky but he lay now.

“I’m sorry, I bet he was a good boy” I tried to console. “She,” he emphasized.

A sudden silence began to arise “My ma is sick, she has a disease or something” I added before the silence grew any larger.

“Is she gonna die” he said with his head turned towards me now. He had freckles that I could make out now. I liked his freckles, for they reminded me of the field. An assortment of things in a haphazard order.

“Pa said she’s gonna be better next month” I said, almost as if it were a question other than a statement.

We didn’t talk for about a minute after. The boy stood up and waved at me, then ran off without saying a word. He frolicly ran through the field while kicking at a few flowers. I’d never seen him again. Some days I wanted him to show up, he never did though.

After he left I thought it was a good idea to head back home. I was leaving earlier than I tended to. I wanted to bring ma some flowers, so I hopped from lavender to white and grabbed her two of each.

I walked the everlastingly short journey back home. The white paint on one side of the house was peeling. It caught my eye so I wanted to check it out. As I was tampering with it I heard cries coming from within the house through the thin wooden walls. The wall was the one connected to my ma’s room.

I rushed inside as quietly as I could to listen against the door. I press my ear up to hear them exchanging I love you’s with each other. I finally had made out some words they said by listening. I still heard cries from pa and ma’s equipment rendered silent.

He opened the door while I was still pressed up, making me almost collapse. He quickly closed it behind him, preventing me from seeing inside. He had a dry tear stained face, his eyes were puffy.

“Is ma ok, is she better” I inquired not knowing any better. I didn’t understand the true direness of the situation.

He looked startled by the question. It was like he didn’t realize I was there until I spoke. “She’ll… she’ll be better next month sweetheart” he sniffled.

I held the flowers out for him with a big smile. He looked down at me and slightly chuckled. “I’ll bring them to her, she’ll love them.” He ajared the door enough to where he could slip through without me peering.

An hour later the police and the medics were at my doorstep. I found pa slumped over in his office with a knocked over bottle of pills. I didn’t want to disturb him while he slept(or so I thought) so I went to another room. He apparently called them before he committed the act. So the police and medics were there about a minute after I found him.

The police kept asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to. I eventually slipped out and went to the field at dusk. I still had some sun to work with. The field held me as I lay and comforted me. It told me everything was going to be alright in the end. It hummed to me the songs of nature. My parents were gone but I felt truly as if they were right there with me.

I still visit the field sometimes. It’s still as beautiful as the day we met. We buried ma and pa there. It felt appropriate. How the field cared for me and watched over me every time I was there. It wasn’t going to let anything hurt me. I wanted the same for them and I knew the field of lilacs would do just that.