Festum Asinorum

In Christianity, January 14 is Festum Asinorum, or "Feast of the Ass." In France it is known as the Fête de l'âne, which has morphed to that from the Feast of Fools. The Christian connection to this celebration is the ass, itself, a donkey used by the holy family to leave Egypt.

In my reality, I celebrate it as the Festum Foraminorum Asinorum, or the Feast of the Asshole. I find it ironic that the streets don't fill up on this day. I also fantasize being a reporter interviewing the participants.

Man on the Street

Please tell me your name and what you think, I begin...

My name is Joe Biden, and all I think about is Donald Trump.

My name is Donald Trump, and all I think about is Donald Trump.

My name is Jake Tapper, and all I think about is Donald Trump.

My name is Milania Trump, and all I think about is anyone other than Donald Trump.

My name is Ron DeSantis, and all I think about is gender. Oh, and homos. And Donald Trump.

My name is Nikki Haley and all I think about is quitting the “so-called Human Rights Council" in the UN. Oh, and pardoning a guy who might make me Vice President.

My name is Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and all I think about is Vladimir Putin.

My name is Vladimir Putin, and all I think about is the USSR. Too soon?

My name is a guy on the southern shore of the Rio Grande, and all I think about is the northern shore of the Rio Grande.

My name is Greg Abbot, and all I think about is the guy on the southern shore of the Rio Grande who's always thinking about the norther shore of the Rio Grande. Our shore. My shore.

My name is Marjorie Taylor Greene, and all I think about is nothing, really.

My name is Rick Santorum, and all I think about is gay marriage and God Almighty.

My name is God Almighty, and all I think about is the horse you all rode in on.

My name is Kim Kardashian, and all I think about is me.