Felt

I remember the warm embrace of hugs and the shushing of laughter late at night. The three of us would play until dawn if we were quiet enough.

Lost in adventures between the safety of pillows and sheets, fighting harrowing disasters that took leaps of courage with every hop on the ratty spring mattress.

The whispery soft sounds of giggles would trapeze through the air, masters were at work.

They moved swiftly, setting the stage for action. The girls set the scene and all the characters must play their role or…

The girls always love playing with beautiful dolls. But I was always center stage right alongside them. I never missed the fights, I supported their roles, I saved their lives and they saved mine.

But times weren’t always so carefree and fun. I also remember the times when it would get real cold and the warm embraces became too tight lovingly suffocated between two shivering bodies.

Some nights would be too loud. The girls would retreat to their bed early to find peace. Those nights we wouldn’t play.

No need to pretend to fight storms when there are bigger ones that live in your own home.

The adventures didn’t stop in the house; they were always looking for things to do and I would be there every step of the way.

From tag in the park to hide n go seek by the abandoned houses we made the most of everything.

Three peas in a pod…..right?

My girls were beautiful and intelligent and inspirational in every way in my eyes they could do no wrong. Even when they stopped bringing me on every adventure. I understood they just forgot, they would be back.

And they came back for me every day. We would go back to our adventures but maybe not as long as we used to? But I know they still loved me cause they still held on tight at night. Their shivering bodies are no longer a warm embrace.

The girls went from fighting together to fighting each other, but the tears wouldn’t last long. they always made up, they had to, they needed each other.

So the nights got colder and they got older and then everything seemed to change. They still went on adventures but I was left out of the fun so I spent my time looking out the window waiting for them to come home.

I remember that one night so vividly, it was quiet, I was laying near the top of the stairs. The only thing you could hear was the scraping of plates. Then someone clears their throat and then a familiar suffocating feeling settles in the silence.

The silence sits for too long. I guess the cleared throat was a question and the silence a reply; One not taken too kindly.

Anger and resentment pouring out of a seething storm. There is no hero to fight this battle because it’s not one you win. The girls retreat when the storm blows past them. Running up the stairs like Olympic athletes, one grabs me just as they shut out the world.

Everything is moving so fast it’s a blur, hands snatching clothes left and right, hidden possessions tucked into ready made bags.

It feels like old times again the rush of the adventure as we ready our supplies! I wonder where we’re going this time? Maybe the park or ooh the nice lady down the street? It’s always warm there, and she’s really nice!

Or we could be going to… bang!

Then the door tears open.

It seems the storm has followed them but the Girls aren’t waiting to see the end of this adventure. They grab their bags and dash around the raging dark cloud and make their way to freedom.

But..what about me? In all the excitement I know they just forgot and they’ll be back! Because they always come back.

So I wait even as the storm continues to rage around the room looking for anything to destroy in its wake. Everything is ripped and mangled but me.

I wait until the house grows cold again until the days blend into nights, until hours turn to days and months. Until strange people come into the girls room taking everything of importance. They check every crook and nanny as if on the search for something particular.

After a couple of hours they wind down their search and make to leave. But as the door is about to close something catches one of the strangers eyes.

A simply dressed woman with a familiar face, seemingly glides her way over to where I lay forgotten partially covered by the blankets in the bed.

A soothing “Hmm” can be heard from her lips. Then I feel a warm embrace of hands lift me out of my cotton prison. Hope surges through me as I feel the familiar thrum of adventure and maybe I’ll be able to see my girls again?

But just as quickly as it comes the hope is stomped out as I am gently placed in a box with familiar items. But still a little hope that I’ll see them one day is tucked close to my felt heart.

So again I waited. I don't know quite how long I waited as the box made its journey to its final destination. The box shakes with every step and then slips and slides on a slick surface as we move at a faster pace.

Alone with my thoughts,I wonder how they run so fast?

The box jumps forward as we come to a sudden stop. Inside I’m thrown about trapped and covered by familiar objects; oddly the crushing weight is comforting.

Someone must of grabbed the box as it jostled and moved in a direction at a slow pace. I feel the box raise in the air and land with a thud,It’s quiet for a moment.

Then a soft voice whispers “I’ll let them know about this place when things calm down.” They take a deep breath and release an uncomfortable sigh.

“ You're doing the right thing, remember this is for them.”

Then the sound of fading footsteps is all that echoes. A loud rumbling bang seals the deal. I…I think this is the end, but it can’t be..the girls… I know they need me. I know they’ll come back… they have to.

So I waited, keeping that hope close to my heart. I waited and waited and waited long enough to start accepting that I may never see my girls again. That this dark dusty cardboard prison may be where I lay the rest of my days.

The only indication of time passing is the pitter patter of feet as people come and go over time. The ebb and flow of life continues, the box slowly falling apart as a drip from above turns into a pour.

But I still hold hope that my girls are thriving and still chasing adventures.

I sit in silence waiting for more time to pass when, suddenly I hear a loud rumbling bang and voices start filtering through.

“Man, I honestly forgot mom told us about this storage.” Can be heard from afar.

Something close to my little heart blooms. The rustle of clothing and the tapping of shoes come closer.

I hear boxes moved and items tossed as the footsteps come near.

The voices talk in the near distance, when suddenly I’m jostled. The box is shifted to the side and angled downwards as if coming off a shelf. The box makes a thud as it comes to an abrupt stop on a sturdy surface.

I would hold my breath if I had any.

I wait, then there’s light, just a sliver at first. Then everything becomes illuminated, the colors are so vibrant ones I haven’t seen in years.

“Whoa, come look at this Kali!”

“It's her! It’s Eri!”

I’m suddenly whisked out into the bright light, held so high I could touch the rafters! But I know my girls aren’t that tall they couldn’t be, they've always been so tiny!

I am wrapped in a warm embrace, familiar arms holding me tight. Then I am yanked away just to be pulled into another pair of familiar arms.

“Wow where did you find her Amara? I thought she was gone forever! I missed you Eri!” The arms uncoil from around me and again I am held high.

The hope I held all those years overflowed into relief at seeing my girls again. But not only relief a little turned to spite at all the time missed because my girls were no longer girls. No, the women that held their head high and me just as high could no longer be seen as little girls.

I am brought down and cradled back into Kali’s arms. Her words rumbling through my felt body.

“Well, we definitely can’t leave her here.”

“Of course not!” Amara yells out frantically!

Do you… do you think I can keep her?” Kali asks “ You know just for the first couple of months for the baby then we can alternate?”

A baby? My Kali is having a baby?

“Definitely sis that's not a problem. I think that would be perfect for Navi, she’ll love her!”

All I can feel is joy at seeing my girls and now a baby! I knew this moment would come but I never thought it would feel this safe.

The sweet rumbles of their words fade to the background as I reminisce on my

time.

Are we misplaced or simply waiting on our turn to be found?