Feeling Human part eight

Oh my effin’ God! Why did I do this? Why did I hold his hand so much?! I am losing my sanity? I don’t know how this happened but it did.

It did.

I fell in love with my best friend!

Oh God, why?!

I know it’s just… so cliche, and wrong, is it wrong? I don’t know. I know my family wouldn’t have thought this was okay, especially my dad. He thought queers were bad for our country.

But, I’m not gay.

Well, I realized that I’m not exactly straight either…

Seeing Bender look the way he does now, I can’t help it! He’s so … cute!

He has this lanky, tall frame, silky black hair that is long and shiny, and those eyes! Wow! So big and brown with a bit of green. So how can he blame me? How can anyone blame me?!

I just want him near me all the time.

And, well, he let me hold his hand! So… there!

I just don’t know what to do.

He said he wanted space. So, I’ll give him space, damnit.

I just think back to him and me, from the very beginning… and I know he was always important to me. From dodging that suicide booth and becoming friends, to him sacrificing his life for me a bunch of times—-and even when he risked his life for my dog, Seymour.

Everything we had was real.

I know he has always cared, by his actions and when it came down to it, it was just like him to become human.

He already was so human, it was just… now he looks the part. He was always real to me. Now I can actually hold his hand and it feels warm, especially if he squeezes it back…

Ohh, jeez. I think I’m too far gone now. I’m losing it!

I’m here crying in my bed, but now I’m aroused thinking of him being here with me.

I love his snarky, sarcastic smile, and his brownish green eyes so big and puppy like, and I imagine what it would be like to kiss him.

I would want to have him pin me down, and push me into the mattress as he kissed me roughly at first, then, soft and sweet and with tongue…

I start to unintentionally moan at the thought, reaching into my pants, I start to stroke myself over my underwear and I realize I’m getting way too hard.

I can’t believe it’s takes me less than a few minutes to get off, and I’m biting into my pillow in a loud moan, thinking of having Bender on top of me, pushing his whole length against my crotch and inside of me..

I practically cry out just imagining it…

I feel so weird after, but then the feelings hit and my heart hurts again as I know it’ll never be. Him and I will never be real.

And it’s like, I never thought I’d feel so strongly for anyone but Leela, and I do feel bad. But, then again, I don’t.

After so much rejection from her, I think I’m starting to finally move on. It’s healthy, right? To move on and find someone else. I know Leela will always be my good friend and I will always care about her, but I have to move on.

But, I think of Bender and how much I care about him, and really love being around him. It’s crazy how good I feel when we’re together, it’s the best feeling ever.

But…It’s all about reciprocation. I want someone who wants me as much as I want them. And Bender, I want him, so much.

But I have to lay it on the line, and tell him. The poor bastard is still so confused about being human, I gotta find the right words to express my feelings.

That’s the thing about Bender though.

He always knew how to feel like a human, now he finally is one.