Family Dinner

You will never believe what happened. No! I’m telling you, you will think that everything I say is a lie, that I made it all up out of my own twisted imagination. You will think that I’m crazy for even telling you such a story. I’m letting you know now that I don’t expect you to believe what I am saying to you. But is true. Raise my left hand, I mean my right. You know what I’m trying to say.

Yesterday, just like any other day. I came home from school and threw my bag on the chair. And just like every other day, my mother asked me 2 questions. Can I feed the dog and if I had homework. I could have told her that I didn’t, but my mom have that 6th scenes psychic connection with her children that she can almost smell it if we are thinking about trying to come up with a lie even before we know we want to lie. There was no way around it. I had to do my homework.

I admit, Algebra is not my favorite subject, but I’m a little better at it than my mother. If I asked her for help, I’m sure I would have gotten every answer wrong. I could have asked my dad, but he was working late. And we were going to that new barbecue restaurant, The Wild Hog for dinner the moment he got back. You know the one, tell sell that super think pork chop that 2 people can eat from.

What was I’m talking about? Oh yeah. So I did it myself. I didn’t even use a calculator. I wrote it all down on paper so you can see my work.

My father got home shortly before 6am, I mean pm. He didn’t come inside, he just honked the horn. All 4 of us walked out the door together and got in the car. My father was driving quickly, maybe a little 2 fast, but I understand that he made reservations that he didn’t want to lose.

A few blocks before we got to the restaurant, we could smell the food cooking. It was great. My mouth was already watering. I couldn’t wait to try one of their newest meals. Truducken. That’s Tru Duc Ken. They take a duck, stick inside a chicken, and stick that inside a turkey. I had heard how good it is and I wanted to try it.

Bobby and Mike didn’t want any birds. They wanted pig. So, Bobby ordered the giant porkchop. He was determined to eat the whole thing. He had a baked potato, mashed potatoes, and french-fries for his sides. Hey, some people really like potatoes.

Mike ordered the pulled pork sandwich which was just as big as the porkchop. He had bacon, prosciutto, and ham for sides. He said he wanted pig. That’s what he got.

Dad ordered the beef ribs. Beef ribs are meatier than pork. Dad said they taste better, but if you ask my brothers, nothing is better than pig. Mom had curry goat. She loves it. I hate it. I don’t even like the smell of it. It stinks. Badly.

The real issue started right after we left the restaurant. There was a goat waiting outside the door. I’m the only one who saw it at first. It would not have been a problem, but it tried to attack Mom. It charged at her the moment she stepped outside. I was able to knock it down, but it wouldn’t give up. We got her inside the car, and it started to butt the door where she was. We all got inside the car and took off. For a while, it chased after us, but gave up after a few blocks.

We came to a red light and that’s when the bull started to attack. “Why is there a bull in the middle of the street?”, I screamed. It rammed into the driver side door and dented it in. It did it a second time and set off the air bags. It kept going. We deflated the bags and drove off. Just like the goat, it kept up with us for a few blocks and gave up.

We stopped at a gas station to check the damage. I got out of the car to go inside and buy some candy. As I was paying for my items, I looked outside, and my brothers were being attacked by pigs. I laughed at first. After all, they said that they wanted the pig. That’s when I realized that everybody was being attacked by the animals they ate for dinner. A goat, a bull, and now pigs. What was next, a truducken? There is no such animal. That’s when I saw the duck walking through the store.

I ran outside and hopped in the car. “Let’s get out of here!”, I screamed. We all got in the car and took off. Just like the goat and the bull, the pigs kept up for a few blocks and gave up. The duck was nowhere to be seen.

We all took a deep sigh of relief when the car hit something. I’m sure you can imagine that we were kind of scared to get out of the car. Dad, being the man of the house, decided to check it out. It was a turkey. What a turkey was doing in the middle of the street, I don’t know. But there it was. Dad asked my brothers to help him get it up. “This could be dinner this Sunday.”

They got out to help him, but the turkey was still alive. It started flapping its wings and gobbling. They all ran to get back into the car but at that point, I was getting out of the car. When Bobby and Mike were getting out, a chicken got in. They couldn’t hear me screaming. I wasn’t waiting for them to get the chicken out. I ran home. The turkey and the chicken kept up with me halfway to the house. I’m not sure when they gave up. Little did I know that the duck was flying up above.

I made it to the house at the same time the car did. The chicken, turkey, and duck were waiting by the door. They were soon jointed by the pigs and the bull. My next-door neighbor came to our aid. With just 2 blasts from his shotgun, the animals fled. We went inside the house and tried to relax in front of the TV. The dog was holding its bowl in its mouth. Mom was upset because I forgot to feed the dog.

That night, I went to my room to get ready for bed. It was a school night. That’s when I noticed the goat. It was eating my homework.