EX Marks the Spot

I see that Mark Anthony, the singer, tied the knot with this young, hot babe recently. I would say that it is a great decision for him from where he is at this point in his life and career. 

One piece of advice that I would offer him though. Please be sure to make that prenup is ironclad tight. Now I never understood why he married J. Lo back in the day. Well, I know what you all might be thinking but bro, she's mad hot. 

And she is but at that point she was probably in her late 30's close to 40. I'm strictly going to guess her age because I do not feel like googling that shit right now. I'll do at the end of this post. 

J. Lo was at the point where she would be more of a fantasy fuck for a youngin'. Some folks might call it being a cougar or whatnot but I prefer fantasy fuck. A fantasy fuck is when some lucky son-of-a-gun, maybe like a prop guy or something like that, that gets to bed her when things are not going so well.

He pretty much nabs her at her weakest state such as a failed movie and she has quite a few of those or a hit song and/or album that went triple platinum wood and she's in that feeling-sorry-for-herself phase.

That's the when prop guy or one of those grip mitherfuckers, who's maybe 24–25, steps in to console her and is rewarded quite handsomely with a story of a lifetime of how they knocked down Jenny from the Block. 

But she wasn't right for Mark Anthony. Well, not at that stage in his life. I think the only reason why that was done is because they, maybe, wanted to start a family and it was deemed great for both of their careers by their publicists. 

You know they do stuff like that, you know. For his side as a singer, the fans would love his music and also his image as a family man. Meanwhile, his trailer is looking more like a porno shoot. 

J. Lo wouldn't be the right woman for that. She also could be one of those lousy lays. You know the kind that just lays there and doesn't do a damned thing at that stage in her life as opposed to when she was 10–15 years younger when it was like being in a rodeo. 

Plus, they have family now and they need your attention. J. Lo, at this stage of her career, would've been better for Juan Lacas. 

"When we're done, I want you to say I'm sorry 100 times. Shhh. No talking in the library."

Extra credit for those who know where those quotes comes from. J. Lo also works now for a guy like Ben Affleck who looks to be down on his luck at this time. More about that later.

I talked about this before but there was a reason why you always saw pictures of them back in their younger days 20 years prior as opposed to seeing them now because they both look like has-beens. 

You ever see new pics of them now? They both got on that this-is-the-best-that-can-do look on their faces. Affleck can't get them hot, young blondes like he used to because his career is like spoiled milk; It's way past its expiration date. Best of luck to all them, though.

And speaking of Bennifer, did you see those two at the Grammys?! Now I didn't watch that horseshit but I did see pictures of them from Yahoo. You know how Yahoo worships the ground these people walk on. Apparently, they were having a "heated convo."

There was another pic of Affleck being there and the guy just has this please-help-me look on his face. Tucker Carlson at a Black Panther meeting would be more comfortable then that dude was in that picture. Shit, I've seen folks get root canals in a better mood then he was.

He's got that look in his eyes that you might see ole Ben's picture on a milk carton. They're going to have his pic up from when he was Aaron Henry back in the day. Superman has gone missing. He was last seen looking up at the clouds and shouting, WHY ME!!! at the top of his lungs. 

Homie has that look on his face like I can't believe I married this bitch. I know he's missing Jenn Garner terribly right about now. See what happens when you marry the wrong one. They will be your kryptonite every time.