Eternity 241

Entry 241

They said the End is coming.

I heard the guards say it. When they thought no one else was around.

What is the End? Is it everyone’s end? Or just ours? Lots of things have changed in 241 entries.

If it was Before, it would be a Wednesday- or maybe it is a Tuesday? All I know is that it was 241 entries ago- and I am fighting to keep Them out. Days don’t matter. Entries do. Entries keep Them out of your head, but They always find their way back in.

I escaped and am in a dead tree right now. I think I am hidden from Them for now.

Who knows how much of Before will come back to me by the time They come for me.

They keep us here. Other entries tell me I have met others who are also fighting Them. Others have snippets of their Befores. I am told that They cannot control me for long so we are kept in this fence, but that may be ending soon.

I need to find my Before. I looked through the things I have on me. Not much. My orange clothes. A heart-shaped locket under my sock that I must have kept hidden from them.

I took it off and am using it as a bookmark in the journal now. That seems like a safer place to put it than in my sock.

They try to keep Before from us. They have no power if I have my Before. But all I have are snippets. I don’t want to forget. That is why I have my entries.

Writing keeps me sane- it keeps the fear at bay. It allows me to capture the frantic, fleeting Befores from the air and cement them in this journal- so They can’t have them. That and the fear fades- if only for a moment.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Another thing from Before!

Fear itself is terrifying. There is no physical presence I could compare Them to, but that is what they are. They are the embodiment of Fear. They are the fear so acute you freeze in place.

They are Fear. That is how they get you. They disorient you and terrify you. The fear is endless and tries to escape your body. It’s in the air you breathe, cutting into you like a cold, numbing knife.

Once you feel the cold- it is over. They envelop you and take control. The fear is gone and so is Before. We are husks of ourselves. Zombies. A Before equivalent to what happens when Fear incarnate takes hold of our bodies and mind.

Zombies were from Before. We would watch them shuffle towards us on a screen until we were scared and ran away- no we didn’t run Before. We run Now. Zombies weren’t real Before. What would we do when we saw them Before?

We would scream and hide under a soft gray and white striped blanket. Me and- her.

Who is she? She is from a shadowy glimpse of my Before. I hope that if I continue to write the memory will become clearer. Memory! Our Befores are memories and They want to keep us to live in fear without our memories.

Glimpses- all I have are glimpses. I remember sitting on a couch under a soft gray and white striped blanket. Giggling as the zombies frightened us on the screen. Her giggle is magical. It clears out Their remaining influence, echoing through my thoughts. I see a flash of white- her smile- with a peek of pink as her tongue presses against her front tooth- hanging by a thread.

Her straw blonde hair is clinging to the blanket.

Some light from the room glints off her neck.

A locket.

I have a locket. I’m using it as a bookmark right now.

Emma. It's etched on my locket. How did I miss that earlier?

Her locket is inscribed with the name Grace.

It is etched in my mind now too!

Gracie!

I know her.

The fear is back, searing my vision white. I'm starting to go numbly cold.

I’m going to lose my memory again. Maybe for the last time. They did say it was the End after all.

It’s all flooding back. Right before I lose it all again.

My Before! It is my name. Emma! My name is Emma.

My Before also includes Gracie. I know now why I keep fighting Them. I fight because Gracie is out there and I will keep fighting Them to get my before back, even if it takes an eternity.