Escape Heaven - in 3 easy steps.

Jemima had always imagined Heaven as a place of eternal serenity, a perfect realm where golden gates swung open to reveal glorious meadows, where angels strummed harps, and the purity of the heavenly air smelled like freshly baked celestial cinnamon rolls.

But when she arrived, suitcase in hand and with every intention of finally enjoying eternal joy and happiness, the scene before her shattered those idyllic notions.

Heaven was burning!

Oh, my aching soul, what a twist! What a farce, what a heart-wrenching disappointment to have ruined my greatest unpaid vacation of a lifetime. Well. I did pay for it with my life, but now, that is just semantics. She sighed.

Jemima’s unwonted Revelation in the Celestial Realm which she texted back to earth ( for yes, she had packed the newest AI phone in her suitcase) sent ripples through humanity. AI had not been delicate about sending the message out.

The pearly gates stood ajar, their once-pristine surfaces marred by scratches and scorch marks. Jemima stepped through, her sandals crunching on the ashy ground. Instead of angelic choirs, she heard distant cracks and rumblings...the kind that made your spine tingle.

“Welcome, Jemima", said a disheveled cherub with singed wings. “I’m Uriel. Sorry about the mess".

Jemima blinked. “Mess? I can't say that I am pleased to meet you Uriel. What happened here...what the hell is going on? Excuse the unwise choice of words".

Uriel sighed. “Well, it all started when the angels got bored. Eternal bliss can get monotonous, you know? So, they decided to experiment with their powers".

“Experiment? Define experiment"! Jemima raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, yes", Uriel said. “They tried creating new constellations, but accidentally formed black holes. Then they attempted to make flowers bloom in patterns, but ended up triggering earthquakes".

“And the apocalypse?” Jemima asked, her heart racing.

“That", Uriel said, “was their pièce de résistance. They wanted to rearrange the cosmic balance, just for fun. But instead of a gentle heavenly nudge, they stomped on the universe’s toes".

Jemima surveyed the chaos: fractured rainbows, stars colliding like drunken dancers, and galaxies unraveling. “Where’s the Creator"?

Uriel pointed to a massive crystal chamber, pulsing with energy. “In there. The angels thought it’d be amusing to trap the Creator and siphon their powers. Now they’re binge-watching celestial dramas on Netflix".

"Their powers, why do you say 'their', as if more than one creators exist"?

"The creator is not just a single entity...there are countless ripples of beings intertwined within the one and which are constantly changing...evolving and devolving. How else could the job of ruling the vastness of Heaven and the Universe be undertaken, do you think"?

"Somehow, that makes perfect sense". Jemmy mused.

Jemima approached the chamber. Inside, a luminous figure...part human, part cosmic energy...struggled against invisible chains. “Creator"? she whispered.

The being turned its head, eyes like galaxies. “Jemima", it said, voice echoing through her soul. “You weren’t supposed to see this".

“Why"? Jemima asked. “Why would angels rebel"?

“They craved autonomy". the Creator replied. “They wanted to shape existence without my guidance. But they underestimated their own power. Now the universe unravels, and they can’t fix it".

“But why the apocalypse"? Jemima persisted.

The Creator’s gaze softened. “They didn’t mean to. Their collective energy surged, and reality quivered. It was like a toddler playing with a nuclear reactor".

Jemima clenched her fists. “We have to stop this".

Uriel fluttered over. “We’ve tried. But the angels are stubborn. They’re binge-watching ‘Supernova stew".

Jemima glanced at the celestial remote control lying nearby. “Maybe we can...”

“—change the channel"? Uriel finished. “Worth a shot".

Together, they wrestled the remote from an angel who was too engrossed in a cosmic cooking competition to realize what was happening.. Jemima pressed buttons, hoping for a reset.

The universe hiccupped. Stars mis-realigned. Earthquakes rumbled. And the Creator’s chains tightened.

Heaven rumbled, turned topsy-turvy, hung upside down.

Earth went to Heaven and Heaven existed now upon Earth.

As soon as the Creator(s) arrived on Earth, the cage and the chains had dissolved into nothingness.

"Oh my Heaven, what have you done. New arrivals cannot change channels, you have to earn your stripes first". Gabriel scolded, looking scared, terrified of what the newly freed God would do to punish them all.

Jemima paled. “I’ve binge-watched enough shows to know how to handle a remote, but maybe not a celestial remote".

As the angels scrambled to return to their celestial duties, Jemima asked the Creator, "What will you do now. Why did you let me see all this"?

I was so busy with all the chaos here, and the relevant angels were derelict in their duties, I am so sorry"! "The Creator said. “you humans have a knack for fixing messes, maybe you can lend a hand here".

But Jemima was now 'in Heaven here on Earth', so to speak. She realized that she could live out the rest of her life in heavenly bliss, while living back on Earth.

All of the heavenly beings would be experiencing life on earth...well, maybe just until they figured out how to fix it.

God took a vacation to the Caribbean, then Hawaii...he kept on enjoying travelling the world Earth-style...sometimes with a little heavenly magic to assist him in a bind.

She hoped that those of earth, now in Heaven, would learn how to live peacefully with each other.

But she need not have worried, humans were too busy experimenting with heavenly stuff, it would not be long before chaos again reigned up above. we can only hope there will not be another heavenly apocalypse.

In the meantime, Jemima hogged the remote, she became the unofficial cosmic remote control operator, ensuring that Heaven stayed harmonious. As for the angels, they learned their lesson: living on Earth is hard. They should never mess with the universal remote during prime time.

In only 3 (three) completely accidental steps, a neophyte angel had started a revolution.

1. She had died and gone to Heaven.

2. She had found an apocalypse and flipped the world.

3. She was now living her Heaven on Earth.

And she had done it all by simply clicking a universal remote.

And so, dear reader, if you ever glimpse a shooting star, know that it’s Jemima, zapping away cosmic disasters with a determined grin. Heaven might be a bit quirky, but at least it’s never boring.

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Note: This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual celestial events is purely coincidental. 😉