Doomsday Diary

Have you ever woken up feeling disoriented, looked around and not recognized your own bedroom? Maybe after a big night out. Maybe after doing something you regret but know you’ll laugh about later. Maybe next to someone you’ll never see again… This time I’m not in my bedroom. A ringing in my ears persists loudly and shakes me into sobriety. Where the fuck am I? I try to stand up only to stumble onto the floor. The mattress I was sleeping on looks grey and worn, with dark stains on the far end. The only light in the room hangs from from a wire by the door, glowing a warm yellow. I use the wall as support to drag myself up from the floor and immediately feel a heaviness in my head as I try to piece together the events from the night before. I look down at my hands to see one of the tips of my fingers covered in a plaster. I vaguely remember knocking into someone last night and breaking my nail. I start to notice my finger pulsating and unravel the plaster to reveal the entire nail from my middle finger is gone, a bloody nail bed in its place. I gasp for air but instead feel my throat closing up. Tears fill my eyes as memories rush back and I crumble back down to the floor.

…

Jessica Bailey had long brown hair down to her waist, a smile to die for and she always had freshly manicured acrylic nails, sometimes so long I’d wonder how she could pick anything up. Jessica was the life and soul of every party she walked into. She was one of the easiest people to spot in a crowd - you would find her retailing dramatic stories or making witty jokes to huge groups of people at a time. When she walked into a room, it lit up.

We stayed friends long after we finished high school and we even started waitressing together in the same restaurant. I used to hate it when customers would be rude and act up in front of their friends. Jessica lapped it all up and would banter them back. She’d always keep her cool and would end up with the most disrespectful, potty-mouthed pathetic excuse of a man wrapped around her little finger. Jessica had her choice of men, to say the least, and I had never known her with less than two on the go. I on the other hand, had been obsessed with the same guy since I was 15 years old. His name was Jack Carter. He was a couple of years older than us and so although I knew his name, we never spoke to each other at school. The first time we had a conversation was when he walked into the restaurant Jessica and I were working in years later. I was tending a table at the time but he recognized me and walked straight up to me.

“Hey, you’re Paige right?”

Shocked I would ever see him again, I nodded in silence and smiled back.

“Yeah I remember you from school. You’re looking well.” I was screaming inside. I could feel Jessica staring at us and cheering us on from the sidelines without even having to look.

“Thank you.”

He took a small step towards me and started asking about the take away menu, keeping eye contact the whole time. He eventually ordered his food and went back outside for a cigarette. Jessica appeared immediately by my side.

“Oh. My. God. Of all people to walk in here today, your boyfriend does!” she laughed.

“Shut up, he’ll hear you!” I giggled back and walked swiftly away from her to avoid any potential embarrassment when he came back in. I started polishing some wine glasses behind the bar until I saw Jack appear in the doorway again. He walked straight towards me and I thought my face might physically catch fire from the heat I could feel pool in my cheeks.

“Hey I wanted to ask you.. there’s a party tonight - you remember Matt right?”

I nodded. Matt was another guy from Jack’s year at school. Jessica dated him for a while when we were younger.

“Right, well he’s having a party later at The Duke. Rented the whole thing out. You should come.”

Jessica appeared out of nowhere again at my side and answered before I had a chance to.

“We’ll be there!” she grinned at him then looked over to me. I must have looked as horrified as I felt because she dropped her smile immediately. “What!?”

“No, nothing!” I look back at Jack. “Yes we will be there.”

“Ok cool.” Jack smiled at me just long enough to make my face burn up again, then he looked up at Jessica.

“Here’s your order” she smiled back at him, “See you later.”

Jessica and I both finished at 8pm that evening and spent the entirety of the following two hours rushing to get ready for the night. We would always say how lucky we were being the same size because we got to share all our clothes. Jessica’s wardrobe was full of festival and clubbing outfits, so whenever we went out together I would take my pick from her. I settled on a sparkly turquoise co-ord and Jessica wore a skin tight black dress that made her boobs look like they would save your life on a sinking ship. Jessica put some of her stick on nails on my fingers so we matched and I joked I looked like a mini version of her. We downed a couple of glasses of wine each and hopped in a cab to save time. As we neared the venue, we could hear music from the upstairs bar pumping through the windows. I followed Jessica inside. She took my hand and pushed through the crowd as we headed for the private room upstairs. The smell of beer and spirits filled the air and my feet stuck to the carpet slightly as we walked. A wave of nostalgia hit me as I remembered the drunken nights we spent here as teenagers, using fake IDs to get in. We stepped through the door upstairs and it felt like a thousand faces turned towards us. It was like stepping into a high school reunion. As soon as people spotted Jessica they flooded towards her. She was in her element.

“There you are.”

I turn around to see Jack standing behind me. All 6ft 3 of him looked so much cooler than I did. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt over a white tee, baggy jeans and black boots. He had a nose ring in that I didn’t notice before and a tattoo sleeve up his left arm. He gave me a hug to say hello and led me over to the bar.

“What do you want to drink?” he stared into my eyes intensely, piercing through the guard I had put up years before.

“I’ll have a white wine please” I smiled at him. While keeping eye contact, he cracked a little smile back at me.

“Can I get two large white wines?” he said loudly towards the bar. The barman starts to serve us straight away and I recognized him from Jack’s year at school.

“Jack, Matt’s been looking all over for you. Come with me, he’s this way.” Jessica grabbed Jack by the arm and started to lead him away from the bar.

“Oh ok.. Paige, you’re alright waiting for the drinks yeah?”

“Yeah of course.” I watched Jessica lead him through groups of people as she did to me downstairs. Suddenly I was alone in the crowd.

“That’ll be £12 for the two wines, darling.” I paid for the wines and walked over to a table by the window. I’d just about got to the end of the first glass when I saw Jessica kissing Jack on the far side of the room. I stared at them in amazement for about 3 long seconds and wondered if somehow I had already become so drunk that I was hallucinating. Jessica broke away from him and looked through the crowd towards me. My heart sunk. Suddenly I felt the contents of stomach rise up toward my throat. I grabbed my things and rushed towards the exit. It was dark and raining outside but the air of the pub was so suffocating I needed to get out. As I walked away, the sound of rain started to drown out the music coming from the Duke. Tears streamed down my face and I thought of how stupid I was to ever think Jack liked me.

“Paige!” Jessica grabbed my arm and turned me around. “Paige, I’m sorry.” She looked at me with a desperation in her eyes. The image of her perfect face on Jack’s lips made my skin crawl and I took a few seconds to think of what I could say that would make the “it” girl feel as small as I did…

“I always knew you were a slut. But I never thought that would get in the way of our friendship. Do you really feel so insecure that you have to get with the only boy I’ve liked in years just to feel better about your shitty little life?”

Jessica’s face grimaced and the patter of rain filled a few silent seconds. I continued.

“Fuck you Jessica. I hope the attention was worth it.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she reached up behind her hair and undid the necklace she was wearing. It was the heart shaped locket I bought her when we were 16, matching with mine. It had a photo of us both inside. She looked at me again, in silence, and dropped the locket on the ground. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else to her without starting to cry again. Instead, I watched her walk away. Swallowing back my tears, I looked down at the locket on the ground. Memories of our lives flooded my mind. We had never had a fight before, and it was painful to think the thing to break us would be a man that I don’t even know. I picked the locket up off the ground and ran after her.

By the time I had passed a few blocks, I was sure I had lost her - there was no way she could have got this far in just a few minutes. Then the rain started to ease and I heard her voice through the silent air.

“Get the fuck off me!”

I looked across the road and there she was, halfway down a dimly lit pathway, being pushed around by a couple of guys that looked like they had just come from the party.

“Oh come on, you like it!” one of them laughed at her and tugged the bottom of her dress.

“Jessica Bailey, you little tease.” the other one chimed. They both laughed.

I began to cross the road towards them without even looking for traffic. The ground started to make slight movements and I thought my legs must have been shaking from how scared I was. I started running and the movements rapidly became violent. The earth shook stronger than I had ever felt before and I collapsed in the middle of the road, landing on one of the nails Jessica had stuck on my fingers earlier that night. I could hear her screaming. I tried to pull myself up from the floor but it was like I was being pulled down by a force that I couldn’t see. Without warning, my vision filled with a bright white light and a harsh ringing shot through the air. My body began to lift away from the ground and suddenly I couldn’t move any part of myself. I tried to scream but no sound came out. I was paralyzed.