Dear Evergreen Residents

So you just moved to Evergreen Drive, welcome and here is your instruction manual. Did they tell you at your bank closing, that this manual even existed? Well it does, and if you are to fit in this small neighborhood, you are wise to adhere to all the guidelines, of the Evergreen Drive rules and regulations, as it is stated in this manual.

1. Welcome and we are glad to have you here on Evergreen Drive. We truly are great neighbors and we will help you out as long as you are not too needy or ask for too much. As you will notice, Evergreen is a small neighborhood, of about sixty houses, give or take a few".

2. Let us get a few rules straight. Keep your yard tidy, except for the Mayor of Evergreen, Joe H, he can keep his yard as messy as he likes, for after all he is the Mayor. He can be seen walking with the older ladies of Evergreen, with a knit cap, and gloves, tennis shoes with no socks and shorts. He wears shorts all year long. Of course that is his business and his business alone. He also wears sunglasses all year long, of course in the summer he leaves his gloves at home. He always wears a sweatshirt, except during the Christmas holidays, when he wears Christmas sweaters.

Don't question the Mayor, about his year round shorts. It is sure to anger him, and he is known to call the City on residents that have angered him.

3. Do not leave your trash cans on the street after trash pick up day. If you do, you run the risk of having the Mayor report you to the city.

Also do not over fill your trash cans. No one likes to pick up YOUR trash,

4. Your yard is Evergreen's yard and a playground for the children of Evergreen. Accept that and you will fit in here, just fine.

If you disobey this basic principle, you might as well put up a "For Sale" sign right now, and plan to move out.

This includes a "kick ball", hitting your car in your driveway or if you park on the street. Your yard is the childrens of Evergreen's yard. If it hits your window, and breaks it, simply call your insurance company and have it fixed. Keep a piece of plywood handy to board up any broken windows.

Don't call the police, when you have something broken, the police will only consider it "A BS", call and won't fill out a police report anyway, even if you do need it to claim on your insurance.

5. Beware of the basketball nets that face the street. Think of it, and remind yourself of when you were a kid, and please slow down and don't get in a hurry. Don't interrupt their game of basketball, and don't beep your horn at them, they will move when they are darn good and ready to move.

6. Keep your dog up, and don't let it bite the mailman. Don't forget to clean up after your neighbors dog, when he or she walks their dogs. Neighbors on Evergreen don't believe in "doggy poop bags".

If you want to act out and plant flowers on the curbside, or put up a decorative fence, that will earn you a nickname of "Witch" or an equivalent.

Just pick up after your neighbor's dog poop if he or she is inclined to stop at your house.

7. Keep your yard attractive, but yet, let the neighborhood kids play in your yard if they wish. If you have children, you will appreciate this, and if you don't have children, let them play in your yard anyway. You can always replant your flowers and bushes,

8. Keep your grass mowed, and if you don't, someone who is walking their dog, will notice it, and report you to the City, and don't forget the Mayor, walks daily, and inclement weather doesn't stop him, and the cold, snow or ice doesn't either. He will walk with his shorts all four seasons.

I am surprised that they didn't give you a manual at closing, I will have to drop one off at all the realtors offices.

If you still want to live here, after reading the instructions and rules, then "Welcome to Evergreen", and may you live many happy years here.

If you wonder who I am," I am the Mayor of Evergreen", and don't make fun of my shorts. The cold does not make you sick."

If you can't obey the rules, list your house "For Sale".

Sincerely,

The Residents of Evergreen Drive