Cumbersation

May it please the Court of the Silent Cardrive Home: I shall identify myself as 'A', and your brother-in-law Mick, whom I hold responsible, as 'B':

Begin Transcript:

Setting: That fusion place where every dish tastes the same; the one that's excessively loud.

A: What a delightful meal! Excellent choice! Do you eat here frequently?

B: Yes, it's great! We used to come here more often, but then Jasmine revealed she was seeing a therapist nearby to cope with her profound fear of spending her life with me. Luckily, her mother's move to the nursing home forced her to reevaluate our relationship, realizing the security in it. She says, "Once passion fades, a steady paycheck is better than a doorway." So I get to revisit this place on date nights!

A: *pretending to be engrossed in the table's candle* This... seems like one of those wax candles, don't you think? Do you suppose they use wax here?

B: Tonight, I might get to sleep under the sheets.

A: *fierce internal noises*

B: Hahaha, this is great fun. Thanks for joining us on our wedding anniversary.

A: *eats the candle*

End Transcript.

May it please the Court...your honour...baby: I hereby plead not guilty to the charge of 'Being an embarrassing arsehole' due to mitigating circumstances. I submit that enduring such cumbersation without severe emotional distress is beyond reason, and I request a verdict of innocence, and exemption from future dinners with Jasmine and Mick.

I rest my case.