Creature Coach

Iris is transported. Working in the solitude of her chamber, she glides effortlessly, generating a creative vortex. Her focus becomes so intense during alchemy that her body seems to dissipate. Hunger, sleep, and other normal functions become superfluous. She radiates energy like a color spectrum.

At first, the knocking sounds otherworldly. Attuned to her current creation, she dismisses it. But it echoes, and she can feel the vibrations. Like light, she becomes immediately present in her body.

She pauses, listening. Sensing.

Again, this time, whispers of a thousand knocks. The vibration chitters, echoing endlessly. It is all around her, surrounding her chamber. She hears the clinking of her collection of colorful jars that encircle the chamber, spiraling to an apex. Shadows and crystals play with the shimmering lights. Her thoughts are cautious as she looks around, curious.

No one knows I’m here, she thinks to herself, but I have been found.

She stills herself, her heart rebelling with a quick rhythm. She takes a long, deep breath and feels her heart’s response, slowing and pacing itself.

The knocks are more forceful. The echoes and vibrations grow more persistent. “What is that?” she whispers aloud.

A watery growl hisses back, “We are many, we are one.”

Alarmed, her senses heighten as she feels the space around her flex. The chamber is testing the energy. Before Iris can respond, another watery growl snaps, ‘That’s not what we all agreed on!’

Then, other voices hiss and huff, growling at one another. Hearing this inner conflict amuses Iris, and she lets herself relax, releasing fear.

“Who are you and how did you find me here?” Iris was most curious about her second question. How did they find me? Did I forget to close the portal? The monster ignores her second question.

“We are Feta Hydra.” Layered voices speak at once. “We’re the Heads of Feta.” “We run FaceTake!” “I run FaceTake!” “Shut up! This is our damn problem!” “No, YOU shut up!”

Amidst the cluster of voices are the echoes of hissing and frustration. Iris strains to listen as the cacophony crescendos. She gathers her energy, focusing as her chamber jars begin glowing simultaneously. The heads fall captive into a hypnotic silence.

“That’s much better,” Iris speaks calmly. “Can you come inside?”

Peering out through the portal, she counts nine heads, all turning toward each other, then back to her. Grumblings of questions and concern erupt from the heads all at once. Iris recognizes a problematic communication pattern.

She listens intently, separating the voices in her mind. She hears their worry, doubts, and confusion. Feta Hydra is huge, looming at the portal entrance, and Iris's chamber appears to be too small.

“It’s okay!” Iris laughs. “I control my space and reality here. Come in. You’re welcome.”

Not known for humility, manners, or even kindness, Feta Hydra bursts through the portal and into the chamber. The Hydra is enormous, and Iris senses an unwelcome feeling blooming in her chest. This was no time for distraction, thinks Iris, breathing away her anxiety.

With each breath, her heart expands and so does her chamber, becoming more than large enough to receive her unruly guest. Feta Hydra twists and turns, looking around in all directions, hissing and croaking in surprise as the space adjusts to its size. As Feta Hydra settles, the heads devolve back into their discord, ignoring Iris.

Iris closes her eyes, listening to the many voices, already bickering, some sounding more angry, others defeated. She absorbs, then analyzes the energy around her. It is fragmented. What should be strong is actually very weak and damaged. She senses fear, but it is hidden like a buried treasure. Iris opens her eyes to take in the awesome creature fully.

As she does, she notices one head isn’t saying anything. It sits silently, watching the others with a bored, detached expression. It looks tired.

She hears a voice, or rather, she feels a voice welling up from deep within and all around. “They will never stop. If only they could all just shut up!”

Iris notices that when she hears this voice, one of the jars on her shelf begins glowing a bright electric blue. It is her Jar of Wishes.

Hmmm, she thinks to herself.

Looking back at Feta Hydra, she tries bellowing, “Silence!” but only a couple of the heads seem to notice her, and they all keep speaking at once.

“They won’t hear you.” The voice again, it feels ancient and exhausted. “They won’t and they don’t. Look at them. They don’t even hear each other. I gave up trying years ago.”

Iris watches the heads of this beast as they bicker and insult each other. Some were shouting, while others spat out sharp, biting comments. No one was listening to anyone.

“Why are you still here?” Iris asks the one speaking to her.

“Oh, they tried to decapitate me. In fact, they did it twice. Each time, I grew back with even more apathy and frustration. At this point, it would take a lot to make me actually care about any of this. Or do anything.”

For a moment, the one talking head looks reminiscent. “Our Head of Marketing has been decapitated so many times, they got the nickname “Honeybadger Head”—they don’t care, but they’re really pissed off.”

“Do you have a name?” Iris asks cautiously, but also with great curiosity.

“Well, not really,” the talking head sighs, “but most of the others call me ‘Reality’.”

“Oh wow.” Iris lets the response sink in. “That’s tough.”

“Yeah, ‘Reality’ isn’t really going over well at Feta, but no one cares. I know I don’t.” Reality muses, sounding completely defeated.

Iris sits quietly, taking it all in. Already, she can see the challenges. The heads are out of control. Decapitation is no longer a solution, but they can’t see other options. If chopping off a head brought back a worse, more destructive head, then it had to begin there. But how to get all of the heads to listen, and more importantly, align?

Iris gazes at her jars, and an idea begins to form. As she deepens her focus, the jars start to glow, first flickering lightly, then building in brightness, each emitting a different color, a special essence. They are mesmerizing, which is exactly what Iris hoped for. Just like when they first entered the chamber, all of the heads fell into silence, transfixed by the glowing jars.

Now, thought Iris, we can talk.

Holding Feta Hydra’s gaze with her glowing jars, Iris invites the monster to sit and be comfortable. Slowly, the Hydra lowers to the floor. Its heads look around as if seeing the space collectively for the first time. As it wedges awkwardly into the surrounding soft, fluffy pillows, it regards the environment with suspicion. Then, all of the heads sigh as Feta Hydra seems to relax for the first time in a millennium. Even Reality releases an audible breath.

“If you have a chill, there’s a throw blanket next to you.” Iris points to a large, comfy lavender blanket piled next to the Hydra. Almost immediately, she regrets it as the heads begin arguing over temperature and comfort. She should have anticipated this reaction.

Again, Iris focuses on the jars, increasing their glow, and Feta Hydra settles back into the pillows, once more calm.

“Are you aware that there are other Hydras?” Iris knows this question is provocative, dangerous even, but she needs a better understanding of Feta Hydra’s awareness.

Before any of the heads could speak, her Jar of Secrets grew bolder. Each of the jars holds its own qualities, but the Jar of Secrets is unique. If darkness could glow, it would be the Jar of Secrets. As the jar’s intensity increases, Iris feels a kinetic web of energy spreading across the back of her neck.

Someone knows, Iris thinks, and they know I do too. She digs deeper.

“If you are aware of other Hydras, then you must know they can be destroyed.”

Now the heads spoke all at once, their heightened pitch revealing depths of dishonesty and mistrust. Iris listens to the gaggle of accusations and confused questions, as one of the heads exclaims, “But we are too big to be destroyed!” and another, sounding desperate, ‘Rebrand is always an option!”

Iris observes the chaos as the dark Jar of Secrets holds its steady, strong glow. Reality is sitting in usual silence, quietly refusing to quip or quit this disorganization. Iris senses that Reality knows more of the truth than she’s willing to reveal.

Like tiny iridescent bubbles, a burst of giggles and laughter fills the room. This sound and sensation disorients Feta Hydra, and the heads are suddenly quiet again. Only Reality is chuckling along with the vaporous laughter. The pulsing Jar of Levity stifles itself and settles back into a deep, golden glow.

“Are you amused?” Iris is looking directly at Reality, and the other heads seem suddenly aware. All at once, they look back at Iris, growling and hissing.

“Why are you asking Reality?” they asked in polyphonic unison. This they align on, Iris notes, before responding.

“Reality has been present with me, while all of you have been caught up in your own pain and distress.” Iris pauses, allowing the heads to process her answer.

At first, they begin to shriek all at once, defensive and denying. Then a new voice quietly interrupts. This voice is so quiet that it sounds hollow and distant, but there is a force within the quiet that shatters the calamity.

“Reality doesn’t work well for us. We find its truth to be challenging.”

For the first time, Iris notices that one of the heads is larger than the others, realizing this is the Head of Authority. The other heads refer to this one as the ‘Big Boss,’ and if forced, they will defer to its perceived power. Iris knows that size is relative and power is taken more than it is given. She proceeds with confidence.

“So, exactly what is the truth that challenges you?” Iris inquires, watching how Feta Hydra reacts. Unexpectedly, all of the heads, even Reality, speak out at once.

“We are all one. We are all connected.”

The Feta Hydra voices have a trance-like, dimensional quality, and Iris smiles to herself. She waits patiently as the resonant humming from the Jar of Shadows fades away. No longer in a shadow trance, Feta Hydra feels ever-present.

Iris smiles outwardly, as if greeting Feta Hydra for the first time. She notices the heads are closer together, some of the necks gently entwined. Reality is sitting with her eyes closed. A tear glistens on her cheek. Iris asks another question.

“Why did you come here, and what do you want to do next?”

To her surprise, another one of the heads responded, sounding almost relieved. “We came here for this. Your objectivity and wisdom. Your magic. We need to get out of our heads.”

“We have analysis paralysis times nine,” another head said nervously, as if they feared being noticed for speaking.

Iris was thoughtful before replying, “I don’t do magic. What I do is real. Just like you are real. And yes, you are more than just the sum of your heads.”

Feta Hydra began murmuring to itself, for the first time, sounding more like a conversation than an argument.

The Head of Resources spoke for the group. “We want to come back. There is more work for us here. You have something to teach us.”

Iris’s laughter filled the space as the Jar of Possibilities brightened to a hot, neon pink. “Of course, if you are willing, you must come back. Our work is only beginning. But first, please tell me how you found me?”

This time, it was Reality speaking, using her out loud voice. “I wish we could, but we were sworn to secrecy. We can only tell you that there are others out there, just like us.” Reality rephrased, “Not just like us, but, you know, monsters in need of help.”

Iris thinks about all of the fears she has worked to overcome. For every single fear, there was a bias, or a lack of understanding, or even an untruth that she had to discover and reveal. Iris once thought of spiders as monsters until she took the time to understand them. Over time, they became her favorite creatures, and she came to see them as sensitive and creative beings, just like her.

Her mind sparked with light. She can help monsters become less scary if she helps them face their fears. She imagines how beneficial Feta Hydra could be if it harnesses its powerful energy and channels it for good. Iris fully understood the assignment.

“Let them know, the Coach is open for business and I’ll see y’all, I mean you, next week.” As Feta Hydra leaves the chamber, Iris exhales.

Something about all of this just feels right.

Cozying into her bed of posh pillows, she swiftly drifts off into a dreamscape, listening to the Lullaby of Purpose, while its violet jar glows gently in the dark.