Cookie Cutter Cunundrum
I'll fire up the assembly line
What have we here?
It's the Ultimate Sidekick!
They block! They chop! They throw distraction techniques! They even make julienne fries!
They're disposable! They're likely an orphan or some poor homeless kid kicked out of their home, so if they die in the line of duty, no one will notice! Just pick up another at the corner, there's usually a queue of six or seven waiting for the next slot!
You don't need no specific origin story! Blah blah bad things blah blah pain and misfortune blah blah neverending gratitude for the golden opportunity provided by Mysterious Figure, plus training and education, just don't look too hard as to the why Mysterious Figure picked THEM out of the lineup of orphans and homeless and dog-or-cat-less kids out there, OK?
But, they'll take a bullet for Mysterious Figure! Or a bomb, or laser shot, or maybe even an accidental freight liner dropped from space, they're not picky. Going out in a blaze of glory and all that! With the upgraded armor, it's a built-in feature!
Add a cape, and they get special Action Finger Pointing! Yes, they will unerringly point to whatever Mysterious Figure is looking at! If you get the Strap-On Battle-On accessory kit, you get Pithy Sayings and Cutting Quips thrown in for FREE! And with the Boots of Rocket Boosting, you get a selection of amazing Famous Last Words!
(Journals and Diaries (tm) come with each kit, because each Sidekick will need to write out their feelings, it's not like they can spill all their secrets to a licensed therapist. Who might ask Interesting Questions about Mysterious Figures, which would likely cause an Unfortunate Secret Lab Explosion, and the hunt for a new Sidekick has to start all over again. Quite messy. Use liberally. Free refills.)
About the Creator
Meredith Harmon
Mix equal parts anthropologist, biologist, geologist, and artisan, stir and heat in the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch country, sprinkle with a heaping pile of odd life experiences. Half-baked.
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More stories from Meredith Harmon and writers in Fiction and other communities.
No Greater Hive of Scum and Villainy
She crawled out of the ooze of endless bureaucracy... A week's long stay in the hospital couldn't kill her. The poking, the prodding, the needles, the beeping machines, the tasteless meals, the flapping gown with her nether regions slapping in the wind - they transformed her into something not recognizable. Quack doctors coming in to sneak fees onto her bill for “consultations.” The experimental drugs, the interruptions of sleep cycle... Come on, people, no one needs to be woken up that bleeping early for meds!
By Meredith Harmonabout a year ago in Fiction
"Hear Me Out"
"Hear me out, what if we ran away together?" "Where do you want to go?" "Anywhere but here. We could move to a new city or to Canada, or we could disappear from society to live in the middle of the woods. Maybe a combination of two of those things would be good. What do you say?"
By Kay Husnick7 days ago in Fiction
Instructions for Replacement
These instructions are intended for ordinary use. They are not a guide to reinvention, only adjustment. Follow them carefully and in order. Skipping steps may result in confusion, emotional exposure, or relapse. If done correctly, the transition will appear seamless to others. You will continue to function. You will continue to be addressed by the same name. Only the internal mechanisms will change.
By Courtney Jones7 days ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
I was going to say I might pick myself one up, but I think I might BE the side kick.