Constellations at the end of the world

“I dreamt of it again last night,” he said grumpily as he rolled out of bed. I stared at him, still trying to figure out how to come back to life after ten hours of sleep. It was the longest I’d slept in a while. I missed being able to be lazy in bed, watching movies while snoozing the day away. It’s amazing what I miss as I get older.

It’s amazing what we can never get back. I shuddered at old memories and forced them from my head. The world is different now. The world is on fire. Soon it would be extinguished, and with it, hopefully the last vestiges of a greedy species.

That Geoff and I had survived this long with each other was impressive. I’d killed my last mate over a manner of bread. However, Geoff was different. I don’t look at him as someone I want to eventually murder for the last crush of bread. He’s someone I would die for.

Die… Why am I not dead yet? How have either of us even survived? We are the weakest links in any chain and someone, the constant fires, the toxic air, the Ruiners that rape and pillage haven’t done us in. I hated thinking about it. The truth is, I think I’d rather be dead, but I’m in no moon to kill myself.

“What are you talking about?” I slobbered in response to Geoff’s statement. He sat at the edge of the bed. He calmly placed his head in his hands and stifled a sob. I hated when he got this way, not because it made me think him pathetic and weak, but because I knew I couldn’t make him feel better. Nothing really could.

Geoff inhaled and exhaled to calm himself down. I worried he would hyperventilate but soon his breathing returned to normal.

We’d been living in this house for several months now. It wasn’t as close to the fires now, but we knew that eventually we’d have to leave once they got closer. If someone suspected that we were even living here, we’d have to leave. If the air became too thick with toxins, we’d have to leave. There were so many reasons to leave but for the moment, the pocket of air in this village was good. Not great, but not terrible either.

I hated this new world. It didn’t used to be this way. I fought away the memories again. I hated remembering. It did no good.

“Taurus,” Geoff said as he got up and wandered into the bathroom to piss. It wasn’t technically a bathroom. It was just a bucket in a closet. Good enough though.

I met Geoff years ago. I used to be a Ruiner but that was before they were the cannibalistic monsters that they are now. I could never eat human. I would rather starve to death.

The Ruiners were an interesting group in the beginning. We’d go around and ruin people. I don’t know why I was a part of the gang. I needed a place to belong. I ended up with them because my brother was one of them.

Was…no, he currently IS one of them. In fact, he’s their leader now. He ate the Head Ruiner, or so I heard.

Anyhow, my brother and I were lost and aimless. The Ruiners seemed to understand us; they helped us understand our position in this world. It was a very backwards view but they made us feel like we mattered. It was comfortable. So, we joined the gang.

This was when I had my last boyfriend, Tob. When the decision was made to dive into cannibalism, the idea stemmed from Tob. Everyone loved the idea and there were only a few people who didn’t. At the time, everyone had a voice in the matter. However, certain people who opposed it vehemently started going missing. I never saw them again.

I kept my mouth shut. Tob and my brother were the right-hand men to the Head Ruiner. I knew they wanted his position; that they wanted to be in charge to command things as they saw fit. This resulted in rape. Random murder. Before that, we were just destroying shit and stealing and maybe beating the shit out of someone who really deserved it. Everything seemed to go downhill so fast.

I listened to Geoff walk to the kitchen. We had very little for food, which meant we’d have to go out and forage. Nothing grew anymore. There were barely any animals left to hunt. The government still air drops food rations every so often but, the Ruiners usually get to them before anyone else.

I could see Geoff was fretting. “Dawn,” he uttered but then closed his mouth. He sat on the couch looking defeated. I couldn’t tell if it was because our food stash was waning or if it was something else.

I met Geoff when I was in the Ruiners. I thought he was the prettiest half-starved man I’d ever seen. He was brought in as a captive. No idea where he came from. No idea where he belonged. He was going to be our first human dinner. I shudder at the fact that I almost ate him once. But while he was held captive, we started having conversations.

I had missed stimulating conversation. Tob and my brother had practically reverted to grunting and groaning to get their points across. With Geoff, we could talk. We could reason. We could discuss. We could argue and debate. And he still thought I was pretty neat.

I remembered the conversation that changed everything. It was the first time I’d ever heard him talk about The Dream.

“What happens in the dream?” I had asked.

“It’s the same every time,” Geoff had quietly spoke. I could hear his shame. “Dancing in the sky. Our sky. I see it through ugly haze. I see it through the smoke. Clear as crystal. Like diamonds. Swirling and spinning and spiraling.”

“What does it mean?”

“It’s never been wrong before,” Geoff went on. “I’m going to brutally disfigure someone.”

Geoff was a little mentally ill. In the end, that didn’t bother me, and I realized I wanted to be with Geoff more than I cared to be with Tob. So, I slit his throat in this sleep, freed Geoff the night before he was to be sacrificed, and we left the Ruiners. On the way out, Geoff had come into contact with a spear. As my brother was trying to reason with me, Geoff threw the spear. But, he did this weird battle roar before he threw it and therefore, threw it lopsided. Had he thrown it properly, Geoff probably would have killed my brother. But the weird angle gave it a new target. Let’s just say my brother will never have children ever. And he has to figure out a new way to urinate. This is why the Ruiners hunt us.

“The bull…” I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes hard, hoping to disappear this rotten, dying world. I somehow found the energy to push myself up off the bed. I was still tired but ten hours was more hours than I meant to sleep. In this world, sleeping too long can be a disaster. There are other gangs out there besides the Ruiners. People who thieve. People who murder. People who try to sell you baby meat. They never say what kind of baby it is, whether human or animal, but I don’t trust whatever answer they’d give.

It’s a good thing I had no appetite this morning. It would save us a meal for another day. I knew that Geoff would brutally disfigure someone today. When he has the dream, it always happens. There would be trouble. There would be blood. There would be new enemies or possibly old ones. Either way, it’s better to have an empty stomach when it happens.