Coming Home Again

When I was growing up in rural Belize, I dreamed of my future while I munched on seeds and berries and went about my day's work. I hung with my crew and we'd often watch the boys. They never really noticed me. I couldn't blame them, I had 2 incredibly beautiful best friends that they liked just fine, Derry and Jo. The boys would dance and carry on, acting foolish, doing anything to get their attention.

Nobody ever did that for me. I was different. I was strange. I didn't look like my pals. I wasn't the pretty one. I was the smart one. I was the one that had all the answers. I was the one that solved problems. I was the one everyone came to when they wanted to know where to look for food, when the rainy season was coming, things like that. I had the respect of pretty much everyone who knew me. That was nice. But, I didn't have love.

I'll be honest, the first time a guy paid attention to me, I thought it was a joke. He danced around, acting all goofy, like boys do. He was handsome, in that offbeat kind of way. Not conventionally handsome, but cute, with character in his face. His eyes were dark and brooding, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and spent his entire life thinking about it.

I was drawn to him instantly, but I ignored him. I was no fool. I knew if it wasn't a joke, it was something my friends set up to get me paired off. After all, nobody wants a third wheel hanging around all the time and that's what I was destined to be.

He wouldn't stop bothering me. Oh, by the way, his name was Jake. I secretly called him Jake the Jerk. Why, you ask? Because I was protecting myself. I'd been the butt of more than a few jokes over the years and I wasn't about to fall for another.

But he kept coming. I eventually agreed to at least chat with him a bit, really just to shut him up more than anything. We sat in a tree, just gabbing away for hours. He liked me. He really liked me! He said I was unique and beautiful. He didn't care that I didn't have the brilliant red, blue and yellow plumes of my peers. He didn't care that my feathers were white or that my eyes were red. He liked that I was different.

It was a whirlwind romance, one that produced 2 gorgeous children, Jasmine and little Jake Junior. We had a pretty happy life for a while.

Then, I remember hearing a rustling in the jungle. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I had that feeling. You know, that feeling you get deep down in your soul that something's really off? That's what I had. I felt imminent danger in the air, and I called out to my friends. We all decided it was best to get out of the area.

But Jake was nowhere to be found. It wasn't like him to be away from home. I still remember the panic welling up inside me as I tried to find him. I called and called. Nothing, I asked around. Noone had seen him for hours.

I remember Derry screaming at me that we had to go as the noises came closer and closer to us. Branches snapping, heavy footsteps on the earth, strange utterances that seemed oddly to have a purpose, creeping closer and closer to our little community. I knew we had to leave, but the thought of leaving my Jake, the father of my children and the one and only individual in this world to love me as I was, as I am, tore my heart to shreds. I wasn't sure I could do it.

But I had to do it. There was no choice and there was no more time. Jake would never have wanted anything to happen to me or the kids. He'd have been angry if I'd have waited, if I put us in harm's way. That's what I told myself. That's what I kept telling myself.

We flew out at almost dusk without a specific destination in mind. I did what I always did, I trusted my instincts and so did my crew. It was a long, difficult journey, but we eventually landed in Peru and found a nice place to hunker down. There were a few others there, but thankfully, they were welcoming, and really, pretty cool.

I didn't cry for Jake, not even once, until we were all settled. I suppose it was because there was a lot to be done. It's not easy to pack up your entire life and fly off to a completely different country with next to no warning. Looking back, I'm grateful for the distraction. Broken hearts suck.

I made some new friends and both Jake Junior and Jasmine got married. Their weddings were beautiful. I was so very proud. If only Jake could have been there; he'd have been proud too. He's missed so much. And I missed him. He was my one and only, my knight in shining armour, my true love.

I didn't even bother to try to find another mate. It seemed fruitless. I mean, when you've had that one all-encompassing experience, that kind of love that just lights every fibre of your being and makes you feel warm and safe inside, there's just no point. Nothing else is going to come close to what Jake and I had, so even if I had a suitor (which I don't), I'd not waste his time or my own.

Then out of nowhere, today, I was going about my business, grabbing seeds and fruit. I do that much slower these days, I'm almost 40. Anyway, there I was, minding my business and I hear a call. I ignored it, thinking it was some silly young bird acting a fool. They often do. Whoever it was wouldn't stop the foolish racket! I looked up to give the child a piece of my mind and there he was, dancing like some kind of a nut!

Well, let me tell you, I was NOT impressed! Who did this bird-headed fool think he was dealing with? As if I have time for nonsense. I called out to him and told him a thing or two. He quieted down quick enough, I can tell you that.

Then the fool started up again. I could feel the anger welling up inside me stronger than any time in recent memory. He wouldn't shut up. Then he called my name. This fool knew my name! And he kept using it! That made me madder than a wet hen! Foolishness is one thing, but uninvited familiarity, well that's something I just can't stomach!

I decided to abandon my hunt. It was nearly impossible to get anything done with all the racket anyway. As I turned to leave, he had the nerve to perch himself right beside me. I'd have slapped him, you know, if I had hands.

"Hey precious," he said with his eyes twinkling, dark as midnight.

There was something in the voice, in the eyes, that was warm and familiar. All of a sudden my heart swelled and I was back in Belize some 25 years before. There was only one bird that called me Precious.

I could barely breathe, I almost dared not ask, but I had to know, "Jake, is that you?"

"Well, it ain't no cougar," he said with the same flippant tone he always used.

I couldn't believe it! There he was! My Jake, after all these years. I asked him what happened to him. He told me he'd been out and about and sensed danger nearby. He had no time, he had to split. He tried to get back, to warn me, but he couldn't.

I asked where he had been all these years.

"Looking for you, Precious," he said, his head lowered and shaking, and then he added, "I've been searching for you, my uniquely beautiful queen."

My heart fluttered. Even after all these years, when Jake said I was beautiful, I believed it. It didn't matter that I looked nothing like the others. In his eyes, and somehow, even my own, I was, and am beautiful.

I looked up at him, smiled and said, "let's go home, Jake."