Coffee, Arcade, Leading Role, Craving, Medicine and MVP

Mister Coffee,

How did you radiate so much energy that it became contagious? Why was it so easy for you to make everyone happy? What exactly is it about you that made you so uplifting?

I still don't know what it was, but I thank whatever it is you have embedded into you as a gift since birth for turning my life around. Most people would look at a world turned upside down and doubt that anything could be done to fix it. Them deem it unfixable and unworthy, and in our own little bubbles of life we become effected by what other people think, even when they're wrong.

But you --- for some reason you looked at me and you saw something. I still look in the mirror everyday and I can't see exactly what you see, but I've experienced more good days than bad because I had you to teach and mentor me. I learned that in my own way, I am beautiful, and overtime I wore the badge of confidence with pride.

That's worth more than anything, and that's why no matter what, I always chose you.

I chose you when you had no idea that I did. I chose you when my heart wanted it more than it wanted to pump blood in my body and I couldn't resist. I chose you when the lows attacked me, and even in the times that I got angry with you.

Gratefulness doesn't go away just because of something shallow, like anger. Gratefulness has depth, which is something madness and infuriating times could never have, and it's because of that quality that I didn't fear our arguments or our fights. I knew that at some point, we'd get over it and we'd value keeping our bond over losing it simply because one of us got upset.

We got over the moments of the silent treatment or the moments where we talked in two times speed, to the point nothing we said made any sense. We acted like children sometimes, but we fixed it every single time, exactly how you taught me to fix myself.

I became better so that we could become better.

And for that reason, I'd genuinely rather fight with you for the rest of my life instead of get along with another person. We were real with each other, and regardless of what happened, we found a way to step over hardships together. Once we did, we were closer than we were before. My peace with someone else is at times more draining than the times we had yelling at each other at the top of our lungs.

That's a statement in itself, isn't it?

Our arguments were valid too. They didn't come up because we were bored or because we were toxic. They came up because we cared about each other and had to exaggerate the importance of the truth so that we wouldn't get hurt in the long run. It was a sign of protection and safe keeping that I knew was a rare gem.

It takes one day to fall for someone, but everyday wanting to stay with them is a choice and I'd keep choosing you everyday if I could.

Friendship or more or less. Whatever you want.

Because I want you to be happy.

And alive.

You were my energy. What else would you expect?

-C.L.

-

Mister Arcade,

You ever see that exact moment when you get out of that slump you were in and you can literally feel yourself sparkle again? You can feel this weight escape you, fun start entering your life, and walking this world starts to actually be enjoyable as it's supposed to be?

That's what you did for me. Really, it was a lot more than that.

There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything under control. My every step was miserable, but I shrugged my shoulders every time and told myself that that's the way it is. That life was all about pain, pain and pain, and very little gain if it ever did come.

I thought that I knew what I was doing, and that I had things figured out for as well as they can be, but upon meeting you I came to realize that I don't know what I'm doing at all, and you didn't leave me hanging with that. You helped me to adjust and to make the most out of the tiniest of things.

I started to take things a little bit slower. I appreciated the world around me; it's little details like the leaves on the trees and the petals on the flowers or the smell of honey or mint when you're deep enough into the forest. I perfected the areas of myself that I was capable of perfecting, but that I gave up on in the past because I couldn't get it right the very first time. Overtime, I became a version of myself I didn't think that I could be.

I stopped caring about my imperfections when I met you. I realized that everyone has something about them that's not entirely flawless, and I didn't beat myself down because I couldn't be better than everyone else. I accepted and I loved that I didn't have to be. I gave room to myself to grow, solely by pushing out so much other nonsense that was suffocating me and I let myself learn and achieve.

Because of you, I was able to figure out that this side of me is possible, and that I didn't have to live on feeling two inches tall. I was blessed with motivation coming from your mouth, and I had the strength to push myself to be more than what I thought I could be.

I've come across people all over the world and never once did I understand that the right person's impact can go a long way, but I'm one of the few in this world that got to hear what he needed to hear.

Without even realizing, I've been losing every game that I've ever played. None of my throws got into the hoop. I'd shoot over and over and I could never hit a target. The wheel I spun would always land on zero and so on and so on and so on.

But when you entered the arcade you guided my aim. You hyped me up when I needed it, and you helped me adjust the speed and agility that I'd jump into things with, and thanks to it I became a winner.

All I needed was someone to believe in me.

All I needed was a little nudge.

But whose gonna give me that now?

Will I sparkle like I did in those days?

Because right now, the bare minimum feels like too much.

I need your help.

Please.

-C.L.

-

Mister Leading Role,

I made myself laugh today looking back on the moments we had. As emotionless as I appear to be, and as hard as it may have been for you to understand what I felt for you, I'm actually deeply surprised that you didn't realize how I felt about you. I'm assuming the darkness is the only thing that could've covered for me. After all, you know me well. You know I'm not smooth.

If you're wondering what the heck I could be getting at now, then I'm here to tell you. As you should recall, we watched movies together at the cinema multiple times, and it's not necessarily the most special thing. I've been invited to to the theater with a whole bunch of different people. If we wanted to call a place "our place" it most certainly wouldn't be there.

But the funny thing is, when I went with those people, I can remember exactly what movies we watched those days, even if it was a while ago. There was that film about Freddie Mercury, we watched Peppermint, The Hows of Us, Small Foot -- just to name a few, but I barely remember what I watched when I was with you.

Besides that rom-com we got immersed in that one time, whose kissing scenes made my lips go tingly when sitting beside you, I can't bring to mind anything. Do you know what I can remember though?

You.

Seriously. Just you.

I think I studied your silhouette so profoundly that I can draw you from memory and that's saying a lot, because I'm not even an artist. I can still see how plump your lips are, the length the bridge of your nose, and the sharpness of your jawline, but most of all, the way I'd look away when you'd turn to me and offer the snacks you had sitting in your lap that we bought from the stand outside.

Did you make me flustered on purpose? Did you do that because you knew I was staring at you? Did it take everything in you not to burst out in laughter because of how hopeless I was?

I guess I won't be knowing the answer to that in a while, and I don't have any choice but to live with that. I'll try being happy with it. I mean, it was a rare experience in my lifetime. I didn't know it at the time, but clearly, it was.

That kind of thing isn't new. There's a lot of things I didn't know in the past -- like how I didn't know I was going to fall for you as hard as I did, or want you so badly. I thought that the most I would allow myself to give you is 50% and that's because never once before did I stumble over someone who made me weak in the knees.

You were different.

I didn't expect my body to go numb when you were out of my sight. I didn't expect to be capable of feeling this way for another human being. I didn't expect to want forever with you.

And yet look at me now.

I couldn't be explained without the term, "head over heels".

-C.L.

-

Mister Craving,

What is it that made your soul so lovable? What ingredient did God add into the mixture when he made you the special person that you are? What makes you so charming?

Could you answer such questions yourself? Could you crack the code to the mystery of your flawless being?

And don't even try and tell me that those questions aren't valid. I could see you so perfectly at all times because you glowed naturally. In darkness, you emitted your own light, and I could still make out every feature of yours with ease, but that's not even the beginning of it. Your gentleness, your kindness, your admiration and your enthusiasm -- I can see that too.

Your smile always reminded me of those time lapse videos of flowers blooming, and I felt so lucky because every single day for a good period of time I got to see a miracle to that extreme. A million flowers would blossom before my eyes before an entire day was up, and some of those times, I got to say I was the reason. I was the sun and water to a sprouting seed.

I know, you didn't like your smile. You were self conscious about it. I could tell even if you never once told me, and I knew too, that you wouldn't admit it because you were aware I was working on my own confidence and you weren't going to give me any reason to stop that journey, but I can read you -- maybe better than you think I can.

What I can't read in you is this: how can you dislike something so beautiful? It's one of my favorite things on this earth, and if I'm telling the truth, there's only one thing out there that can surpass it.

It's your inner self.

When you let me in, and I got to see the person you were inside, I would've sworn that I had entered an art gallery. Most people would say that it's a place I don't belong. Usually, I don't know how to appreciate that kind of beauty and I have trouble realizing where all the awe comes from, but being allowed into your soul specifically, it's like this switch went off within me.

That's where I found the finest art ever made.

Once I got that far, I was certain that from then on there was no turning back. The story that you let me read was a book that I would never put down. This wasn't a collection of typical chapters by a typical author. This was raw, full of real emotion, and deep secrets that I was honored to hold when nobody else could.

You wanted me to know you for the person you are. You wanted me to ask you questions so that I knew you in a way that nobody else could know you. You wanted me to be part of your life -- deeply into it, enough that I couldn't easily be cut out.

And that's why your vanishing is so painful.

In a novel that has fifty chapters, we only got to chapter six.

We didn't get to write the rest.

It's wrong. We were robbed.

The universe is a thief

-C.L.

-

Mister Medicine,

I wasn't planning on telling anyone about this, because I've never been the type to make a big deal about this kind of thing, but at this point I don't think it makes a difference if I say something about it or not.

When I graduated, and finally made it past my last year of education, nobody congratulated me. Not even my own family. They just expected that it's what I'm supposed to do, I assume, and I didn't get any acknowledgement. I'm not asking for a party -- I wouldn't have liked that actually, but I did want to hear a "good job" after working so hard for so many years. I thought I deserved that much.

You were the only one who did, and I really think it plugged up my heart in the very spot there was a leak. You told me that you would buy me chocolate of all things, and that next time we saw each other in person, regardless of how long it was, we'd celebrate it like it happened yesterday. You made that promise to me.

That day can't come now. I have to understand that, but it's not that easy. Sometimes I wish I can ask God for just a short snippet of time with you, just so you can live out your promises and so I can give you a proper farewell. That's not how the world works, but that sort of closure would patch up so much and would make me feel a little better inside.

Besides, because you have such a squeaky clean record in keeping your promises, I don't think you'd hate the idea either. I like to say that maybe you would've wanted to see me one last time. Maybe you didn't. Time got in between us, but that doesn't mean that we were completely back to strangers, does it?

Even if it felt like if sometimes, we were still friends, right? We were still connected, even if loosely?

Come on! Don't you ever think back to how much strength you gave me in the past? Don't you ever recall how much of a mentor you were for me? Or did you forget all about that?

I really hope it wasn't that simple to put me behind you, because I can't do that to you at all. I hope I meant at least a little bit to you, after you put in all the effort to make me feel like more than a million dollars. After you made such an impact on me. After you made it clear that you had love for me, in some sort of way.

I do mean it when I say that if you gave me the permission, I would never give up on you and that gorgeous heart of yours. I'd stay, whatever it took, because you were there for me when no one else was and I felt like I mattered because of you. My accomplishments were actually important. They held weight.

It wasn't just that one time. There's so many situations out there where you made me feel proud to be me and I'm going to continue telling you that until you actually take me seriously.

One day you'll get it.

One day, when you come back to life, I'll make sure to get that into your head. It'll be my number one mission, and I won't focus on anything else until it's complete.

You cured me of both pain and illness. I can't hold myself back from letting you know that.

-C.L.

-

Mister MVP,

You know I'd never give up on you, right? You're full on aware that you're the only one I value to this length, and you understand that I wouldn't want it any other way? You know that you never owed the tiniest bit to me, but that all I wanted from you is to be with you in whatever way you can offer it? You know that I'd take the best and the worst of you as a full package above anything?

I really didn't show it well enough to you, did I? I don't think you understood, and now that you're gone, how am I even supposed to feel? It doesn't feel right to look at someone else. I feel like a cheater and a liar, despite the circumstances, because you died not knowing that my value of you never went away and I won't be able to tell you any different.

There's nothing I can do about that either. It's too late now. You can't be awaken until God says so, and because I have to wait patiently until I can see you again, I'm beginning to hate the line, "if he is yours, he will never leave you".

Of course, I get that this isn't about death. This is about loyalty and disloyalty. It's about your partner choosing you over and over again every single day, and wanting forever with you more than anything else. It means that he fights for you. It means that he stays because that's what he wants. It means he has his eyes on nobody else but you.

Yeah, I get it.

But as I said, sometimes leaving isn't by choice. The person leaves the world much too soon and because of that, he has to leave the people who loved him behind too. As much as people say that what you lose can be replaced by something better, there's people out there that can't be.

Why do people always say that when you lose your gain is greater, anyway? What if you came across the highest form of perfection that this imperfect world can hold? Don't tell me that that can be filled in. Don't tell me that I can love someone or something or whatever as much as I love you, because the void in my heart is very certain of otherwise.

I know that there's no one better than you.

People have been out there on this planet for years, lowering their expectations because they fear they if they don't they'll never find love, but you were living proof that it is wrong to settle for less, and that patience is the key to finding Mister Right.

Prince Charming does exist. It feels like fiction, but he can and is most certainly out there. He's a nice guy, but a protective one. He gets along with the family and your friends, and he proves that he loves you more than anything else. He pampers you in the ways he can, and even if it might not seem like much to anyone else, he knows how to specifically put a smile on your face.

Unless I'm super lucky, in a world of billions, I don't think I'll be able to run into another one of you. People like you are not easy to find.

Once was already a miracle.

And you actually have the audacity to believe that I could forget about you?

You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

-C.L.