Cannonball

The morning sun had already risen and cleared the sky of most of its greying clouds. Deep blue was visible to the tree line in the distance. Parked on the corner of Blythe Road and Old Highway 6, I shut off my car and waited for a tractor to pass by before I opened the driver’s side door and got out. This was not the first time I had come here to clear my head; it was my favorite place to release all my thoughts.

There were so many things here that made me feel less alone in the world. Half a mile north, there was a small house that had once belonged to my parents before I was born. Another mile north of that was my grandparents’ house. About five miles east was my best friend’s house.

A normal afternoon would dictate my being here alone as the sun set. The distanced tree line and lack of crops made the fields the perfect place to take pictures and feel at peace. This day, the ten o’clock sun beat down on me as I stepped onto the freshly plowed earth and picked up five small stones of all different shapes and sizes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before sprinting back to the grassy, flowered ditch; the ground was so soft, I feared if I stood on it too long, I would sink and forever become one with the town I grew up in. At least marigolds and daisies prevented me from falling.

I placed all but one of the rocks in my pocket and stood my ground facing north. A blue car was heading my way. My head faced the field and I drew my right elbow back, steadying myself as a wave of nausea hit me. This had become a normal occurrence, so I did my best to ignore it. My left foot pulled up and stepped forward as I used my momentum to pitch the rock far into the place from which it came. It took a leftward curve and didn’t hit exactly where I had aimed, but it was good enough.

That was for the death in the family, I cursed at God as if these fields were sown by His own hand. The blue car pulled up behind me as I made my second pitch. That was for making my Tia fall and hurt herself again. We can’t afford the hospital bills and You know it.

“Point your toe straight when you pitch. It’ll correct your aim,” the driver of the blue car set his keys on my trunk and put out a hand. I tossed him a rock and watched as he made an almost perfect pitch out into the field. Then, I opened my arms to my best friend of nine years.

“You’re late, dummy,” I joked to Chance. He rubbed my back as I let out a peaceful sigh. I was less alone in the world with him here. He let go and proceeded to lean against my car, arms crossed, as I dug into my pocket for another rock.

This one flew in a straight line. He moved to pick some flowers out of the ditch. For taking him away from me, I thought as I looked back at him. Chance smiled at me with that closed-lip smile that always made my heart beat a little faster. It was the same smile he had had when he proposed to me a month ago. He would be leaving in a week for California. My heart belonged to the Marines.

“Not bad, bean. Shoulda been on the baseball team in high school. Woulda stole Mason’s fire,” he said, tipping his hat and proceeding to put a marigold in my hair. I scoffed at the idea of being better than my big brother, the star pitcher of our small town’s varsity baseball team. “’Course, I woulda whipped both of y’all if I had stayed on the team. Ya know, since Mason was higher than a kite half the time and you’re…ya know, you.”

“Rude!” I playfully took a swing at him, aiming for his nose, but he dodged and caught my wrist. His free hand attacked my side, and I squealed with laughter. He knew all of my ticklish spots. I fought him off, the flower falling out from behind my ear, and freed myself before leaning against the car with him. I released a breath I had been holding and relaxed, letting the quiet air overtake me and all my thoughts. I picked the flower back up and put it in my hair. It was moments like these that reminded me as to why I said yes to marrying him. Spending the rest of my life with my best friend just felt right. The moment was broken as another wave of nausea overwhelmed me. I swallowed it back.

“You got all your stress off your chest, bean? I’d like to take you back to Dad’s. He made a cherry cobbler yesterday and he wants you to try some,” he started, looking my way. I swallowed my pain, straightening up and meeting his gaze. He took my hand and pulled it up to his chest. “You’re quiet. Speak, woman!”

I pursed my lips and let go, “One more thing I gotta get out. There was a reason I asked you to be here, Chance.”

He gave me a look of utter confusion as I procured the last rock from my pocket. Standing at the edge of the field, I shut my eyes and let the stone fly from my hand as I stepped forward, not holding back my thought this time: “I’m pregnant!”

There was no echo. There were no sounds. My final stress was simply met with shocked silence from all, including God and Chance. I turned to face him, throwing my arms up in defeat. His expression was unreadable. Fear first, maybe worry, and a mere hint of concern. The rest of the marigolds and daisies fell from his hand.

“Well? You gonna say anything, dummy?” I broke eye contact, shoving my hands in my pocket. I knew this wouldn’t go well. A heaviness in my heart led to rising tears, and I let them fall, shutting my eyes. I heard him take a step and found myself engulfed by him. One of his hands ran through my hair and the other held my side before he moved it to cover my stomach.

“There’s a baby there,” he said, his voice shaking. “Our baby, there.”

I pulled myself away from him. He quickly moved to wipe away the tears threatening to spill. For a moment, I could almost read joy on his face. That didn’t last long, though.

“Are you,” he paused to sigh, his eyes never leaving my midsection. “Are you gonna keep it?”

“Do you want to keep it?” I put the ball back in his court. He adjusted his cap and began rubbing his pockets. He only did that when he was nervous.

“I’m going to be gone for the next three months and then for several years. Do yo—”

I cut him off sharply, avoiding eye contact, “Chance, you’ve known me long enough to know exactly how I feel about this. Do you want this baby or not?”

“I do. I want it,” he said, this time with no hesitation. Our eyes met. There was a seriousness there I had only seen a few times before. “but I want you to make the final decision. I’m not going to be here when you have it. I’m not going to be here to help you raise it. Four years is a lot of lost time that you won’t get back.”

“You don’t think I know that?” I sighed. “Four years is a lot of time that we won’t get back, and I know you want to be gone longer. Chance, I knew what I was getting myself into when I said yes. I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.”

“And what did your parents say?”

“My parents,” I hesitated and looked away. “They don’t know.”

“Come on,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me back towards his car. “We’ll tell Dad first. Maybe he can help us tell your parents and figure something out.”

He opened the passenger side door of his car for me. I quickly locked my car. It would be safe out here. I wondered what he was thinking. There must be so much going through his head, maybe almost as much as mine. As he started the car, I blurted out, “What do you think your dad will say?”

Chance pursed his lips as he leaned back into the seat, folding his hands behind his head and taking a deep breath, “Well, first, he’ll ask you if you want a piece of cherry cobbler—”

“You know what I mean, dummy!” I smacked his arm, and we both smiled. For a moment, nothing was wrong. Then, his smile fell and mine did, too, and I waited for his words.

“Dad’ll pro’ly kill me, but then he’ll get real’ happy. He loves kids,” he said thoughtfully. We sat in silence for a minute or two.

“Boy or girl?” I interrupted.

“Boy,” he smiled to himself. “but if it’s a girl, I won’t mind. It’s still our kid either way.”

I smiled, and this time our smiles did not fade. He took my hand in his and a sense of reassurance washed over me. Things would work out as they were meant to. If we were meant to have this baby, we would have it. Either way, he would be by my side every step of the way.

Everything would be alright.