Butterfingers: The Adventures of Ethel and Franklin

”Psst, Frank come look at this. I got something I need to show you” Ethel whispered from her cubicle. “Ethel will you stop bothering me” Franklin exhaled. “You almost got me in trouble yesterday when you kept distracting me”. “Yeah, but this time I’m distracting you for a better reason” Ethel replied excitedly. “That’s the same thing you told me yesterday when all you wanted to show me was a fat chick who was wearing bikini bottoms that you said looked like a sideways hamburger.”

“But didn’t you laugh?” Ethel asked sarcastically. “Of course I laughed. It was hella funny, but Douche-less Dugan the supervisor came over here and grilled me for it after hearing my chuckles” Franklin responded irately. “Oh don’t pay that tight wad any attention” Ethel brushed off. “If your sex life was as inactive as his then you’d have that stick up ya rectum attitude too”. “Would you please stop the dookie shooter talk?” Franklin demanded. “I do have a couple snickers bars in my lunch that I intend on eating at my break and the last thing I need is you making two girls, one cup jokes.”

“Put a sock in ya mouth and read this” Ethel demanded as she handed Franklin her phone. “Adults Only End Of Winter Party” Franklin whispered as he read the picture of the flyer on Ethel’s phone. “No” Franklin uttered curtly. “How you gonna say no?” Ethel protested. “You don’t even know what I’m about to ask”. “Yes I do” Franklin replied sharply. “You want me to go with you to this potentially crazy party where you get stupid drunk and we end up in the back of a police car like last Halloween”

“Ah Franky stop being paranoid” Ethel started. “It ain’t even that kinda party. Just a few our old coworkers christening the new crib that Carla just got”. “Yeah and she’s conveniently having it at the end of this month when it starts gettin’ hit. The irony the heat will be comin’ down from one-time is not lost on me” Franklin exclaimed. “Come…on…Franky!” Ethel elongated. “Look if you consider comin’ with me to the party I’ll take you cross the street to the mini market and buy you some of them nasty butterfingers you like eating”. “Ya know, that don’t sound too bad” Franklin considered.

11:00 a.m. Ethel and Franklin both walk in to Tandy’s Pantry across the street from their workplace Powell & McDowell. “Do you ever find it funny that we spend half of our job loading medicine bottles in a machine and the other half of our job in cubicles where we upload all the inventory we took in?” Ethel asked with intrigue. “Actually I can” Franklin responded. “Ain’t like we ain’t been doin it for the past three years” he continued sarcastically. “Oh you know what I’m gettin at” Ethel replied. “I just mean-”

Before Ethel could finish her statement a man wearing a ski mask bursted through the store’s entrance with a gun in his hand pointed at the cashier. “DON’T MOVE” the gunman yelled. “Please don’t shoot” the male cashier pleaded. Ethel and Franklin quickly ducked down behind two of the isles in the back of the store. “Why the hell did this have to happen while we came in?” Ethel asked sarcastically. “Shhh” Franklin urged. While briefly motioning to get a peek at what was happening in the front of the store, Ethel accidentally knock down a snickers bar.

The noise drew the attention of the robber up front. As he quickly made his way to the back of the store. Both Ethel and Franklin’s hearts went into a dead sprint of fear. As the gunman drew closer Franklin suddenly had a thought as his eyes caught sight of the stack of butterfingers next to him. “OH SNAP!” Ethel screamed as the gunman hovered over her. Before he could raise his gun he was smacked in the face by a stack of butterfingers that were thrown from Franklin’s hands. As the gunman was knocked off balance by Franklin’s butterfingers, Ethel reached from behind where she was crouching and picked up a six pack of beer in glass bottles and began throwing them at the robber one by one.

When Ethel threw the sixth and final bottle the robber suddenly felt his back collide with a metal baseball bat owned by the stores clerk. The gunman fell to the ground in agony as the clerk continued to him him all over his body with the bat. “That’s enough” Franklin called out as he stopped the clerk from hitting the gunman. “Nah let him keep hittin him” Ethel called out in a determined tone. “And that’s why we’ll let the cops deal with him when they get here. Go call the police” Franklin ordered. The clerk went behind the register to grab his phone and call the police as Ethel and Franklin studied the barely conscious gunman.

“We had to go through all of this just to get some candy” Ethel began sarcastically. “Yeah I know. Life just ain’t fair” Franklin replied. “I guess you can carefully pull off his mask so we can see who this scooby doo villain is. With pleasure Ethel said as she pulled off the robber’s mask. It was a man with jet back and a mile on his chin. “Oh my gosh” Ethel uttered in shock. “What? You know him? Franklin asked. “Actually we both do” Ethel started. “This is Dugan’s brother”. “You mean Dugan our boss?” Franklin asked in a puzzled tone. “Yep that’s the one” Ethel replied. “Uh oh” the pair said together.

To be continued…