Breakthrough

This way or that? Which way to go? What is my path? Why is life relentlessly attacking me so? All the patterns that repeat, will they ever stop? Whatever happened to kindness or reciprocity? And fairness and justice? Wishing another well? Not playing with another’s life deliberately intending to break them. To break the spirit of a life form. What joy can one derive from it? It’s only the sickness of malice. To coerce them into submission by any means. And then dominate and use them for your own ends. Like there is no consequence for the perpetrator of these actions. All this while inducing the victims to believe that there’s something wrong with them. And that they’re the crazy ones. And yet provide shelter and food, enough to keep them alive. Cognitive dissonance off the radar.

All I wanted was a peaceful and happy life. One where I got what I deserved for what I brought to the table on merit. How did I get drawn into so much conflict? Backed into a corner, I had to fight. And fight back I did, with all that I had. Lashing out vigorously with no premeditation. What would be the consequences of the actions I was setting forth? I was so angry. I didn’t know how to channel the rage. Except to have a go at what was provoking me. But it was an unfair fight, to begin with. Debilitated intentionally over time, I didn’t have much left. And what I had was not enough. I lunged desperately one more time trying to find a way out. And yet again I was deceived. A flick and switch. I was at it again. The old switcheroo. And again.

The matador’s sword pierced straight through the raging bull’s heart.

Some games you win

By not stepping into the ring.

If you step in, they win.

It’s not because you’re

Incapable of fighting.

It’s because the fight

Is rigged. You play fair.

They don’t.

If you’ve stepped in

Accidentally, step out at once.

Don’t waste your time.

If you didn’t allow them

To provoke you into battle,

You’ve already won.

Find yourself an opponent

Who is worthy of you.

Who when you win against,

It’s true victory.

Who when you lose against,

It’s true honor.

Either way, you both win.

Allow the jokers

To play each other.

You find yourself

A worthy opponent.

One that is your match

And tests your skills,

Those that you want to build.

One that by playing against you,

Makes you bring forth

Your absolute best self to the fight.

All I want is a peaceful and happy life. One where I get what I deserve for what I bring to the table on merit. You can provoke me all you want. What you will get is silence. And if you think you can harm me and get away with it, I wouldn’t recommend testing it. For I now permit myself to do what it takes to bring myself to safety and keep myself there.

I’m planning a beautiful life for myself. One without those like you in it. One about self-empowerment to create joyfully a life fueled by passion and purpose. One in which I develop self-reliance and thereby give myself options to think creatively. To go beyond the default responses of fawn, freeze, fight, or flight. I’m going to develop and employ every faculty I have body, mind, heart, and soul in the fulfillment of my mission.

I will get myself to a stage where I succeed despite your best efforts to sabotage me. Because I will have realized the one indisputable truth. It was never about you. It was about me all along. All the chinks in my armor I didn’t know I had and hence didn’t know how to fix. When I take back my power, you’re powerless to influence me. When I take back the reins in the present moment, I become the creator of my own destiny.

And when I do choose to engage in battle, for now, it’s a choice, I will choose a worthy opponent.