Beyond Possibility

Anna looked around for the bird. It kept cawing, but it seemed to be hidden from her view. She caught her breath, she kept imagining that her ex-boyfriend would set the invisible birds upon her. She had kicked him out of the house. He had been sleeping through work, and dealing coke. He had screamed at her 'That he was a very important person. Too important to be discarded". She had laughed. "Important to who?" But with the dreams and her surroundings, she was wondering who he was important to. Was he really too importent to get on the bad side of.

She dove into the cool pool. She was caught off guard by her reflexion in the water. She should be able to meet a man, someone who would follow a reputable way of building their fortune. She did a few laps. She thought she saw a scarlet and gold bird soaring over her as she swam. It looked like it was guarding her . The other birds stopped cawing and her environment felt safe in the silence.

He had gotten her, her one and only singing engagement. He knew all the bar owners. She had been impressed, but she shouldn't have been. They were probably buying his coke. They had been impressed with her voice, but she knew they would never do it for her again. She had smiled, when the audience gathered. The band had liked her movements. She always thought that you should give a full show. She knew she would never be the next Madonna.

She wrapped up. in the beach towel. One which she had designed. She did not need to dance on stages and sing, she was a great designer. Or so she now told herself. She was wearing her designed bathing suit as well. She had her own style, not the society's norm. She wondered what was God's plan for her. That man could not have been a part of her long term plan.

She pulled the cover over the pool, the large bird was gone and the yard was silent. She turned on her laptop and watched the Padres game. The sky was dark and the moon shone down on her, her team was losing but she still felt peace.

That night she stumbled into bed , thinking only of melting into her soft sheets and mattress. It molded around her body. In her dream she saw the large pretty bird, it was guiding her, like the mythical phoenix. She felt safe with the mythical bird circling her.

The next morning she swam two laps, just to wake her up. She had an afternoon shift. No problems , no worries, she would make it easily. Her afternoon was filled with clients. A boring day she trained the new clients on the exercise machines. One day a week she worked with an advanced client. She couldn't even start to lift what he was lifting. Sometimes when nobody was looking he would spot her as she lifted. He would say to her "Most women who can lift like you , are bulky." He would then chuckle under his breath. She smiled but said nothing. She would never flirt back. Society's rules these days. Not that he would have her fired. She knew the rules of being professional, and followed them.

When she got home it was dusk. She lugged in three bags of groceries. It was her payday. This job was not going to be the key to her future fortune. She earned enough, she invested a little. Not enough to beat inflation. She dived into the pool, in her bra and undies. It was cold, she screamed in delight. She sang "At last I am free, I can hardly see in front of me."

She was happy when she lay down to sleep. The bird reappeared in her dream. It always brought with it, a peaceful sleep. Tonight, pools of water, in a deserted forest appeared in her dream. The phoenix again kept quard.

The next morning she awoke with a jolt. Someone was knocking on her front door. She ignored the racket. If the house was silent, he would leave. Nobody had been invited. She checked her phone, nobody had texted. She tried not to second guess herself. What if it was the landlord? She held her ground,until she was convinced that the visitor had left. She felt like crying. She hummed one of her favorite songs "Cry on my shoulder, I'll help you rise above, cry on my shoulder, my love." She hugged herself, she would help herself rise above.

Her phone was beeping. She froze,looked , and sighed. It was work. Two of her clients had canceled. Dan asked if she just wanted to skip the day, he would take one client and reschedule the other one. She would have had a large gap of time between the two. She texted back, "sure,thanks." She did not feel very free. She was wondering if she truly would survive. After he had left she had played "I will survive, as long as I know how to love I know I am still alive, " "She had all her life to live" She tried to smile. She was prepared for this. No man could quiet her thunder, no man could silence her roar. She went and dangled her feet in the pool. No work,no fancy shower, no tanning booth, she settled for her house tub.

Betty called, and asked tons of questions. She knew something was wrong with Anna. Michelle ended up just saying "Well I guess you are busy, call me when you have time." Anna had not been trained to deal with a drug dealer. She was wondering if she was making something out of nothing.

All of a sudden, she was pulled from her thoughts. It smelt like something was cooking but the smell was not coming from her kitchen. The misworking fire alarm was not buzzing. She went to exit the front door , but it would not move. It was unlocked. Had someone intentionally blocked it? A friend had once told her , "if you get infiltrated with smoke , your body freezes and you die.' She was not going to die, she ran out to the pool. She figured that this would be her safest spot. The metal fence had a padlock that she had not placed there. In front of the fence was burning brush. "Oh my god," she thought" he must be crazy". She started to silently cry. All of a sudden she felt two claws digging into her shoulders. She was being lifted over the fence. From the air , she could see the approaching firetrucks. but she was heading in a different direction. With cool air rushing by her she floated into a daze.

Was she dead? she wondered. Was this her final place? She thought she was sitting by the two pools, that had been in her dream. In the distance , flying away she could see the phoenix.

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