Beyond Apologies: The Love That Lingered

All around her were the earthy colors of leaf fall, the only living presence in the park Maya Weabed Hey. In her hand she held something cold, small and hard. A piece of paper.

In his hand he had penned it. This was from Arjun, the one person who at any point of her life, stayed with her. The fellow who had gotten her into this mess; broken her heart.

At some point, they had been each other's everything. Their love had been fierce and intense, a burning flame going too hot, too fast: a flame which bursts out in all its brilliancy, only to gutter out completely, leaving nothing more than a pool of ash in its wake. Even now, Maya can still almost see how laughter used to illuminate every corner of her small flat. His arms were heaven itself--I felt secure with him. But love did not seem to be enough.

Their dreams went separate ways. Arjun, restless and aggressive--he wanted to break into the wide world; while Maya longed for life in a simple little factory of some sort where she could be paid as an unknown artist. The series of arguments began, the common mistakes made. Their love just faded away loike last night's dreams. And then one evening, after a particularly bitter argument, Arjun left. No word of farewell, no promise to return; only the distant noise of a door closing shut behind him and silence.

She'd waited. For weeks, months. Waiting for Arjun to come back; he never would. And so pride, pain, pride all over again-had kept her from reaching out. Then she finally told herself to move on. But it didn't seem possible how much time went by as the ache hung there, that shadow that could have been.

All these years of silence she now held a letter in her hand. Her fingers ran over the characters in the familiar handwriting, and her heart was beating twice as hard when she opened the envelope. As she began to read the words blurred right before her eyes.

"Maya, I do not know where to start this letter. There are no words that can undo the wrong I've done you. I've written and torn up hundreds of drafts seeking courage to tell you what's in my heart. I want to tell you I did not stop loving you.

I have been selfish, Maya. I wanted the world, but did not notice my world was right in front of me. I left, thinking there would be time to set things right, to return and tell you how much sorrow was. But life decreed otherwise. "\"

Her breath came in a gasp as she read the next lines.

"I am ill, Maya. Cured cannot be. I couldn't pen those words on a letter; even the glimpse of you has nauseated me to death. Months have been merely thinking of you - the sounds of laughter; your stubborn ways; when she painted with brightness in your eyes. It has been a while since that thing was a shining light of you, and were I incapable to see that as well.

If you are reading this, then I am gone. I needed to tell you before leaving it all behind forever that you were the best thing that ever happened to me in life. I am sorry, Maya, for everything. For not being the man you deserved, for leaving, for loving you in wrong ways. But please remember, I loved you with all my soul, even when I could not show it.

Tears fell in a cascade down her face as she clutched the letter close to her heart. Her body shook with sobs. The man she'd loved with every fiber was now gone. And gone with him was the chance for closure.

fall Behind those clouds, weary though they were she had little confidence in my promise.

"Forgive me and leave all the rest to heaven," she muttered.

Once the wind blew, her words were brushed away into oblivion, and the swirling leaves around her made them no longer relevant information in such a chaotic environment. She gazed upwards at the painting of twilight skies and felt some strange peace descend upon her heart. Arjun had gone. It was too late to say "I'm sorry." But not yet; but not yet do, she thought forlornly and went away. It was not yet too late for forgiveness, for giving up hurt and hanging on to love. With the letter still in her hands, she rose to her feet and swore to make herself all the beautiful things that Arjun had seen in her. Not just for herself but also for him. The garden lay behind her as she walked out, her heart, turning back suddenly felt a little lighter and her footsteps were so light. Somehow knowing that some love stories cannot be put away-they simply find new ways of living on.