Before I Let Go

It did not have to be this way. There were millions of possibilities for my life and this was only one of them. But this was my life and all that I was capable of was working to make it better.

How was that even possible? How can you pick up the pieces of your broken heart, trot off into the future, and leave everything you have ever known behind? I never thought that I would fall in love with Ronald Weasley but the second that it happened I knew that there had never been anything more fulfilling in my life before it. He was a stubborn, opinionated, moody type of guy but once you broke past his outer self and became familiar with who he was on the inside there was no reason why any girl could not lose herself in the depths of who he was.

So how did we end? It has been almost a year since our abrupt break up and I still lack an explainable answer. I have suspicions due to our latest encounter this morning but things are not at all set in stone. That is one of the things that hurt me the most. To end a relationship with someone is one thing but to break things off without an explanation as to why is preposterous.

Last May he had told me that we were over and we were but that did not mean forever in my eyes. Obviously it did to him because this morning when we met up after unexpectedly he declined my affections once and for all. What had I ever done to him? I was a perfect girlfriend: honest, sincere, and easy to. Wasn’t that what every teenage boy wanted?

But he made it clear that I was not good enough for him. I was too honest, too sincere, and even too available to him. I was not what he was looking for as a lifetime partner and therefore I should not reach out to him any more than I had already. He advised me to be myself and knew that I would find someone who would love me longer than the world itself. But I was most myself when around him and finding out who I am again will not be an easy feat for me to accomplish.

I can do it, I am certain of that much, but I am still a human being and because of that I can expect to break along the way. There will be times when I want nothing more than to be in his arms and other times when I find myself pushing him and our time together in the past. But I will make it through in the end. If I have realized anything throughout this entire experience it is that heartbreak gives you strength when power and might are the last things on your mind.

Sure, I will cry myself to sleep when I am lonely and afraid. And I know for a fact that I will wonder constantly what I had gotten myself into but that is a part of moving on and I understand that it is natural to have such feelings after falling in love. I am not a loser or a monster and that proves to be self satisfying in its own way.

Anyone can make it through what an undeserving individual has thrust upon you and I guess that because of that things will only get better from here.