Beauty and Nothingness

Thermoception; Temperature

Everything was cold: the air, the ground, the giant raindrops striking her. Suddenly, she couldn't remember a time without the heartless agony, without the insensitive freezing atmosphere.

The heated car stopped. The rain pounding on the foggy window. The driver cursed, pulling on her coat, gloves before stepping out into the November rain. It struck her face, shoulders with a fiercely cold passion. Leaving her things, she started down the road, moving quickly in her attempt to stay warm.

Audition; Hearing

Bed wheels scraped against the blinding white floors. A patient shuffled down the hall, his shoes squeaking with every step. The IV drip was steady, repetitive. A voice over the speaker called for a Dr. Johnson, a Dr. Thomsen. Slow, quiet breathing filled room 423.

When the door slammed loudly behind her, she could no longer hear the rain that had drenched her during her long walk from her broken down car. The sound of her own teeth chattering filled the empty room she stood in as her drenched coat allowed water to hit the hardwood floors in continuous, random drips. She called out, her voice echoing through the halls of the house. No one answered.

Vision; Sight

The room was too white. White walls. White floor. White sheets. White girl. Her face was pale, sickly. Her brown hair surrounded her face, still damp from the rain. The blankets were pulled up to her chin, hiding the rest of her from the hospital’s sight. Her eyes remained closed. Remnants of eyeliner, mascara, lipstick marred her beauty. One vase sat on the table next to her full of bright, alluring red roses - a small beauty in a building of terrors.

The house was large, rich. But its age shown in the chipped paint, worn flooring, beaten furniture. For a moment, everything was still. She scanned her surroundings curiously, only a little fear appeared in her soft eyes. Removing her soaked through coat, she hung it on the near coat rack. It hung there, the only one, dripping still and creating a small puddle of rainwater beneath it. Her eyes searched in the dim room for a light switch, a lamp, anything to illuminate the room. Lightning filled the room with light suddenly and briefly, her shadow flashing beneath her, long and distorted.

Proprieoception; Kinesthetic Sense

One lone visitor sat in the corner for a small while. He did not hardly move, did not speak. He watched the beautiful girl closely, waiting for any movement. Every rise and fall of her chest, any twitch in her angelic face, her slender fingers. His eyes flickered occasionally to the open door. He had come without anyone noticing his presence, and he intended to leave the same way.

She stood very still, purposefully holding her head, arms incredibly steady. With a lot of effort, she picked up one foot and took one step forward, carefully setting her foot back onto the ground - heel, toe. She was brutally aware of every breath, every heart beat as she walked further into the seemingly empty house.

Somatosensation; Touch

As the nurse entered the room, she set down a tablet on the counter with the name JANE DOE and got hand sanitizer from the dispenser, rubbing her hands together absentmindedly. She grabbed a pair of blue, rubber gloves and checked machinery, pressed buttons. Pulling on the gloves, they tightened around her fingers, snuggling her hands. She lifted the patient’s blankets, checking her feet, legs. Replacing the blankets she smoothed them out before approaching the head of the bed. She swept a stray hair from the patient’s hair affectionately before pulling her gloves off once again with a snap.

The cold was almost unbearable. She quickly started exploring the house, hoping for warmth. With every step, her feet squished into her wet shoes. Her hair dripped, drops of water running down her neck and back. She found a room with an inviting couch. Quickly approaching, she ran her fingers across the soft material before sitting down. She wrapped herself with the blanket beside her, relaxing into the comfort of the couch.

Olfaction; Smell

Hospitals smell of death. Not in the way of decay, more like the sterile, nothingness of death. The white walls, the white sheets, the white coats. The rapid heart rates, the salty, wet tears, the slowing breaths.

She awoke to the smell of fire. Alarmed, she quickly sat up; however, the fireplace was simply lit. She breathed in the smoky, warm scent and again relaxed. The smell of cooking mixed with the fire combined caused her stomach to grumble. Unaware of the time and despite the fact she was in a stranger's home, she remained content to sit, inhaling the wonder.

Interoception; Internal Sense

Unconscious, pumped full of pain meds. “She feels nothing.”

Her hunger filled her body. It was the only thing she could think about. Her aching stomach forced her to stand up, calling out. There was no response, but the door to a room creaked open. Her heart raced as she watched a small table propel itself through the door.

Nociception; Pain

She awoke very slowly. Unable to open her opens, unable to move her lips, her fingers, her toes. Every inch of her burned. She wanted to scream. The pain started in her head and continued all the way down, through her chest, down her arms, into her fingertips. Her hips, legs, feet, didn’t feel anything.

She slowly backed up, but, out of nowhere, a chair met the back of her knees, and she roughly collapsed into it. The table continued to roll, right into her legs. She couldn’t get up, forced to stay in her uncomfortable seat. A moment of debilitating fear passed. The pain of her hunger was briefly forgotten, but the lid of the plate on the table in front of her lifted, and she couldn’t help but indulge.

Gustation; Taste

The only part of her body she seemed to be able to move was her tongue. She slid it around her dry mouth, wishing she could ask for a glass of water. All she could taste was blood, and if her body would have allowed her to cry, she would have.

The food was off. There was chicken, potatoes, bread… but none of it tasted right. She ate all of it anyways, too hungry to care. She washed it down with the glass of water next to her, and when she was finished, she was finally able to get up out of the chair.

Equilibrioception; Balance & Acceleration

When her eyes finally fluttered open, she was alone. There were no nurses, no visitors in sight. She tried to call out but was unable to. She tried to get up, to move but she couldn’t. Out of the corner of her eye there was a call button, but when she tried to reach for it, nothing happened. Her eyes darted around the room, desperate for help.

She explored the house, calling out occasionally. Still she hadn’t seen a person, a possible owner of the house. Convincing herself that she had imagined the moving furniture due to her extreme hunger, she passed tables and chairs and without noticing the slight movements behind her. While exploring the third and final floor, she came across what appeared to be the only lived-in bedroom. Wandering in, she was drawn to the open balcony window. The rain had slowed significantly, and the view was phenomenal. She was leaning against the railing, staring out at the darkening sky, the smallest raindrops clinging to her hair, when she sensed a sudden movement behind her.

Time

Seconds turned into minutes which turned into hours. Only nurses and doctor stop in. Their voices were muffled as if they stood in the next room over. When she tried to speak, nothing came out. She tried and tried to move just even her pinky finger and failed every time. As the room lightened and darkened, her sense of time started to wane. Days could have been years without her knowledge, decades even. Over time, she started to fade. She continued to lose memories, faces, words. Her mind was nearly empty by the time it all ended.

The time between the sudden movement and the sense of falling was imperceptible. So fast, in fact, she had no idea what had hit her, causing her to plummet. She fell for nearly 10 minutes, but in reality she hit the ground before two seconds had elapsed. Flashes of moments, incomplete thoughts entered and exited her mind in the same moment. Her pending divorce, her job she'd just walked out on. Her junker car she'd left in the road, her therapy appointment tomorrow. Her tiny apartment, her new aloe plant. Her recently deceased daughter, the tiny coffin, the tiny grave... Memories of her life haunted her before it all ended.