Beautiful Pain

A familiar sweet scent engulfed me in a warm embrace. Childhood memories came to mind. All were of my mom. With a small kind smile beginning to form on my lips I recalled my first memory.

Handing her a pretty purple flower I found. She took a whiff to say, "This flower is called Lavender." Smiling I said, "It smells pretty, like you." Years later; I woke up screaming from a bad dream she ran into my room before I could get out of bed. Just being in her arms calmed my nerves, she held me until I fell back asleep. As a teen I used Lavender essential oil behind my ears whenever I had an anxiety flare up. The last memory I had of her was when she died in front of my eyes.

Feeling tears begin to slide out of my closed eyelids I heard her voice. Mija, Mija, it's ok I'm here now. Opening my eyes wide as my body stiffened. I took a look around the void thinking It can't be her, she's gone, been gone. A shadow taking form caught my attention. My heart dropped as the form became two beings which were an identical match for the two people I loved more than anyone else.

With a blink of the eyes Nightmare appeared in between the shadows and I. Looking directly into his eyes I asked through thought What's going on? As he took a step forward I moved back to have all three in my line of sight. Which was a mistake, the shadow taking on my mom's form said with her voice, "It's me Mija, I'm real."

"You are not my mother. She and my dad died over 10 years ago", I said shaking my head. Nightmare turned his body to get a full view of the shadows behind him. When he turned back to look at me again his eyes were filled such a deep sorrow. Seeing that look made me even angrier. Nightmare said out loud, "I can explain what's going on; although I need you to understand that I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Why do those two look exactly like my parents?", I asked furiously. Looking from him to the shadows I had to bite my tongue to keep the tears at bay. Hearing her say, "Your Papi and I have been waiting for the right time to talk with you." Seeing the same love that my parents had for me in their eyes I yelled, "Stop it, just stop it!"

Balling my hands into tight fists I looked back to Nightmare. Feeling my body begin to shake with rage I could barely concentrate on what he was saying. "Z, there's a lot I need to tell you. The first one is that they are our parents." He said with a pointed finger at the shadows. Seeing the truth in his eyes my body went limp.

Falling to my knees I kept my head down as the tears finally leaked out of my eyes. Watching Nightmare come closer I snapped as they raised their hand to touch me, "Don't! Don't you dare touch me!" Shocked he flinched backward, raising my head to glare into his eyes the deep sorrow was still there.

Catching movement from the shadows I watched the both of them hug tightly. The male replica did a familiar gesture that my dad did for my mom and me when we were stressed. They caught me staring, with sad eyes they just held hands instead. Seeing one of their thumbs moving back and forth across the knuckles broke my heart entirely.

Taking in a shuddered breathe I began to stand. Nightmare extend a hand toward me, looking down at their palm I was tempted to spit. Instead I looked from his hand to his eyes as I got up without any help. I said, "Explain what's going on. Now!"

Inhaling deeply Nightmare began his story, "In my world there is no word for what you'd call 'consciousness' a 'soul' if you will. Beings like me never really die, instead we become a part of another. I'm actually made up of more beings than you can count. While our parents did die by human means that night a part of their life essence or what you would call a 'soul' joined me and now our body." My shoulders slumped forward in defeat. I could barely make my voice audible enough to ask, "All these years my parents have been alive...inside of you?"

With a pained look they continued, "When the others and I came here we didn't know what to expect. A lot of my kind met their final end. That's when we started looking for other life forms to bond with. I went through a few animals and even more human beings before dad..." Hearing them say that word I let out a low growl while giving him an icy death glare. They finished, "When dad hit me on the road I was beginning to lose control of myself. Due to that I attacked all of you at once. That's why a part of me split off to bond with you separately. As I was trying to bond with mom I saw the fetus growing inside her. Feeling that she wasn't going to make it I took my chance to bond with the fetus. They died before the merge could be completed. Which is why I still need you, now more than ever."

With Nightmare's words ringing in my head I saw that night through their eyes. Everything inside me broke; my mind, heart, and soul.

~

Watching Z slump to the floor I ran to their side, "Z, Z, hey can you hear me?" I asked while snapping my fingers in front of their blank eyes. They didn't make a noise or even move as I touched their shoulder gently. A sense of dread spread throughout my body. Thinking I need help, the first person who came to mind was Emilia.

Looking back into the two pairs of eyes I knew would've been my parents in another life. The worry in their eyes made me feel even worse. "What's wrong with them?", our mom asked trying to keep calm. Looking back down at Z they were still unresponsive. "I'm not sure, keep an eye on them while I go get help", I said. Moving away from all three of them I left the void to see the ocean.

Quickly getting up I ran to find Emilia. Running faster than Hannah ever could I found Emilia walking through the jungle alone. Stopping right in front of her I said, "Emilia I need your help." Flinching back wide eyed she yelped with a hard over her heart. After a couple of deep breathe she raised her voice in anger, "Never do that again." I responded, "Apologies, I need your help. It's Z, they're..." Emilia cut me off, "What? What's wrong with Z?"

Taking a moment to give her the cliff notes of what happened she listened carefully. Hearing some rustling behind us a few people stepped forward. "Who the hell are you four?", I asked. The tallest one said, "I'm Nicolas, this is Edoardo, Gabriel, and Dennis." They pointed right, left, then to the left again. Looking at each of them I could see signs of worry across their faces, even Nicolas who was wearing sunglasses. With a nod I asked, "What brings y'all here?"

They all gave a slight shrug as a response. Dennis stepped up to say, "I suffer from migraines that give me glimpses into the future. I just had one right before getting these guys attention. I knew Emilia would be here with you." Seeing the truth in his eyes I asked, "What did you see?" After taking in a deep breathe Dennis said, "I saw Z losing control." Confused I asked, "What do you mean by lose control?" Dennis replied, "I saw them grow to an unusually large size, then they began attacking you and anyone else who tried to stop them." "How did you know it was Z and not someone else?", I asked. "Do you know of anyone else who can look like a shadow that's here?", Dennis asked sarcastically.

Looking at the others I asked, "What can you guys do and why are you here?" Nicolas spoke first, "I have X-ray vision, if needed I can also insert my hands into a body." Gabriel said, "I'm a healer, anything from paper cuts to life threatening wounds I can help seal the wound." Edoardo spoke last, "I'm an empath who can influence other's emotions. I felt Z's emotions as Dennis was having a migraine." Taking a step closer to him I asked, "Can you feel Z's emotional state now?" Pressing his lips together he nodded his head quickly. With a raised eyebrow that said a question on it's own Dennis replied, "At first I felt a dangerous amount of pain and rage, then it just passed as if Z just shut down. From what I can tell they're in complete shock."

Taking a look at each of them I asked, "Where are the others?" Nicolas replied, "We lied by telling everyone that Z said to stay inside while we went to look for Emilia." Feeling skeptical I asked, "Do you really think anyone of them believed that?" Gabriel said, "Eric helped us a bit to persuade everyone to stay indoors." Taking a quick moment to tell Eric through thought Thanks for helping, keep everyone inside until we say so. He replied immediately Just let me know when everything is ok.

With those three words 'everything is ok' echoing in my mind I felt a weird sensation creep from behind me. Slowly turning around I saw Z's astral form taking shape through our shadow. Looking into their eyes sent a shiver ran down my spine. Hearing everyone behind me gasp at the sight of the murderous intent in Z's eyes.

Fully formed they were at eye level with me and kept on mumbling the same words, you lied. Keeping my eyes glued to them I said, "Everyone leave." Emilia tried stepping forward to protest, "Z, please talk to us, talk to me." With an arm out to keep her from getting any closer I saw Z's eyes take a quick glance to meet hers. Emilia gasped while taking a step back, she knew that Z wasn't listening. Eyes still only on Z I ordered, "Everyone go now."

Hearing them leave I let my lungs exhale in relief. Holding their gaze the only sound between the both of us were Z's words being repeated 'you lied'. "Z...", before I could say another word a deep gravely snarl came from them as their teeth bared while they lunged forward. Dodging their attack by an inch my arms went up in a defensive stance.

"Z, I can explain", I said keeping out of reach. "I didn't lie to you", I said in between attacks. "You killed them! You took them all away from me! You've kept them alive inside of you for all these years! You lied to me!", Z yelled. Hearing the pain in their voice broke my guard completely. Dropping my arms I watched Z land blow after blow against me until their body slumped against mine as they cried. Taking the chance I wrapped them in my arms to say, "You're right I did lie to you. I did take your family's life along with yours. Its all my fault. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

Feeling Z seep into our body I closed my eyes to find them in the void waiting for me. With tears continuing to stream down their face they stood tall, even compared to me. Looking down at their hands I couldn't bring myself to see the real pain in their eyes. After a few minutes Z asked, "How can I trust you?" Finally meeting their eyes all I could see was emptiness.

Averting my eyes Z ordered, "Look at me." Looking into their empty eyes made my heart ache. My shoulders fell as I replied, "You don't have to." Seeing a flash of anger Z slapped me with a force and speed that I wouldn't be able to dodge if I tried. Taking a brief moment to look back at them I said, "There is a way to let them go, all of them." Confused Z flinched back to ask, "What do you mean?"

Taking a step away from them I said to the void, "Everyone please take on a human form. It's time for all of you to rest." Z and I watched as shadows began to take form of the people who died that night. Hearing a small gasp from Z I looked down at them to follow their eyes. They were looking at the youngest human I tried to bond with. Hearing Z's thoughts as if they were my own made me feel ashamed. He's just a little kid.

Looking at each of them before my eyes found the couple who should've been my parents I said, "I owe all of you an apology for taking your life and keeping you here for so long. That was an unforgivable act that I'll have to carry with me for the rest of my days. I asked all of you to come here to give you all the peace that each one of you deserve. To do that I'll need to make physical contact with you for just a moment to release your soul from myself."

There was a small pause while some looked to see who would go first while others thought out loud. The first human to step forward was the kid that Z saw. He was the first being I tried to bond with that was a failure. Bending down to be at his eye level I asked, "What's your name kid?" "Juan Ramirez", he said looking between me and Z. Offering my hand he placed his in mine cautiously. Bending my fingers to cover his tiny hand in mine I said, "Close your eyes and remember your happiest memory." Juan placed his other hand on top of my fingers to take a couple of them a squeeze. I gave a nod in reassurance. Juan closed his eyes as a sweet smile formed. After a short moment his body began to disperse peacefully.

Hearing a small sniffle I saw Z in the corner of my eye wiping her tears away. They must've also seen Juan's happiest memory, him playing ball with his dad. Feeling him being set free I looked out to the others and asked, "Who's next?" Repeating the process until the only two souls left were our parents. Keeping at arms length I looked over to Z before facing our parented to say softly, "There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't do or give to return all of you to your former life."

Meeting our parents eyes I saw what Z knows to be love directed at me. Mom looked to dad before offering her hand. Taking it gently she gave me a strong squeeze before saying, "I want the both of you to find a way to love each other." An unexpected tear fell from my own eyes as I felt her words touch me kindly. "Mom, I don't know if I can love or even forgive P I mean Nightmare", Z spoke up beside me. Looking over at them I gave a small nod in understanding. Our parents looked to each other before Mom said, "I know what you're feeling Mija, we felt that at first. By the end of the day we decided to forgive Nightmare for what happened. You're your own person and we'll love you no matter what. All I want is for both of you to try, at least." Dad put his hand on top of hers to say, "I want all of us to hug before saying goodbye."

With a sob Z ran to be embraced between our parents while I wrapped my arms around the three of them. Not knowing how long we held each other I began to see some of their happiest memories. The first one being when they met, all the best dates, the wedding, hold Z for the first time, mom saying she's pregnant, and the last one being this very moment.

Opening my eyes to see our parents leave with a smile made even more tears fall. With a slight squeeze of the hand I saw Z crying with me. I wanted to hold them yet wasn't sure if they were ready for that yet. They must've heard my thoughts, Z quickly wrapped their arms tightly around my waist. We began to cry more and harder than before.

Having no idea how long we held each other or when we ended up on our sides. I looked to Z, they were resting peacefully. Slowly inching away I had moved away just enough to no longer be touching them. Before I could move another inch Z grabbed my arm with with an iron grip whimpering Don't go, please don't go. Taking a moment to wipe away a tear that was barely sprouting. I gently said, "It's ok, it's ok, I'll stay." Their grip loosened enough to keep physical contact with me as I got closer to hold them while they slept in my arms.

Remembering what our dad used to do I started gently stroking Z's back with the tips of my fingers. They shivered with the first stroke then relaxed completely with the continuous motion. Without thinking I kissed the top of Z's head. They just laid there not making a sound. I could feel warmth coming from their heart.

Tilting my check on their head I sent a thought to Eric Everything is ok now. Everyone can come out if they want. Tell them not to disturb mine and/or Z's body. Eric replied You got it.