Ball Gags & Handcuffs & Tarp, Oh My

He was out, as they say, for the count. Slumped, slack-jawed, red-faced, and drooling. He stank of whisky.

And we didn't even have to get our clothes off. Excellent.

Jac's face twitched, and finally settled into an expression he deemed appropriate. He set about with his impression of a human being experiencing some alarm. I rolled my eyes at the performance.

"We drugged him, Jac, alright? Check his pulse and whatever, make sure he's basically fine."

Jac reeled off some medical-sounding jargon. I stared at him. The room was frozen for a moment. Silent.

"Yes," Jac translated for us. "He's basic'ly fine." His left hand jerked , and he turned to stare at it.

I didn't like that, the imitation of me, the trace of mockery, the glitchy hand movement... I had no time to consider any of it, and pushed it aside.

"Rita," I turned to her, "If he wakes up at the wrong moment and sees you... I don't know what effect it will have. It might mean we've done all this... for nothing."

She nodded.

"I'll go and make us all a cup of tea, shall I?"

"That would be amazing, thank you."

"Jac, how long do you think we've got until he wakes up?"

"Conservatively, 1-6 hours, depending on the dosage, and whether there was concurrent alcohol usage."

"Yes, he was drinking booze, you pillock, you saw him! God knows how much he had before he got here. Are we safe to go ahead?"

Jac tore his gaze from his left hand, and gave me a blank look.

No wonder, really. I hadn't actually specifically told him the purpose of the evening. I'd told him we were experimenting with ethical and consensual polygamy. Swinging. I'd forbidden him from using pornography for context or instruction, which I was still confident was the right move. He'd experienced something of a glitch and kept confusing the occasion with a dinner party we'd recently hosted for some friends.

I'd intended for him, Jac, to do the actual procedure. Now that the moment was here, handing a scalpel to a confused and twitching human-robot hybrid who didn't seem completely in command of all his limbs smelled like a really appalling, dreadful idea.

To hell with it. I'd do it myself. I'd done it before, hadn't I?

"Jac, go and get the big purple box from under the bed. There's a shower curtain on top of it, still in its packaging. Bring that as well. And the hair clippers from the bathroom."

+

I thought back, not so long ago really, but it felt like a lifetime away... If I asked Ronnie to fetch something, he would have said, Whereabouts? It's not there. You must have moved it. Is it this one? This last, while holding up the wrong one. The more specific my instruction, the more grumpy he would be, and there was still a good chance he would get it wrong.

Now, he looked the same, but he did what I asked with very few mistakes. He fetched the items, spread out the plastic curtain on the pale sofa and opened the purple box. So far, so good.

"I can't be party to a sex act where there is not full consent of all parties," he said, looking down at the contents.

"It's not a sex act," I said, snatching the ball gag and doing that part myself. "It's a medical procedure. Help me get him onto the couch."

"A medical procedure should take place in a sterile environment," Jac grasped under the man's arms, still looking doubtful. Give me bloody strength.

"Right," I said, panting. "That's why we have the shower curtain." Jac was panting, too. Did he actually feel tired, or was that more imitation? Was he just putting up a human front, or was he making fun of me again? I scowled. So did Jac.

"Go and get the iodine and scalpel from the medicine cupboard. And the blood alcohol testing strips. See if Rita has made that tea. Don't let her get a good look at the scalpel in case she freaks out."

Jac left, obedient as ever, and I turned my attention to fastening the purple hand cuffs on Ian's wrists and ankles. There was a chain to connect the two, as well. Would that be overkill? For a moment, I pictured it: Ian waking up, panicking, and kicking out with both legs. I attached the chain.

Just a precaution, I reminded myself. It's all just a precaution. He shouldn't come round for hours yet.

Jac reappeared with his tray. Rita had made a pot of coffee as well, bless her. The items we needed for the procedure were under a blue and white striped tea-towel. I noticed there were three mugs, even though Ian was unlikely to come round before his went cold.

She really does love him.

"Can you talk me through it like you did last time?" I asked, picking up the clippers and willing my hands not to tremble. "And keep monitoring him while you do it?"

"The patient is fine at the moment."

I was glad he didn't use the word, "victim".

The clippers whirred.

+

It was a good thing I had Jac wear jeans and shirt. I'd toyed with black speedos and a bow tie, but decided against it. It would have been over the top and cheesy. And right now, with a scalpel in my hand, and Jac hovering at my shoulder as some kind of nurse-tech-assistant, it would have been ridiculous. Definitely an unwanted distraction.

Blood welled up, and I swallowed.

+

The stitches looked better than they did last time. That's good, because there should be less scarring. Ian has less hair, so scarring would be harder to hide. How is Rita going to keep this wound hidden?

"Let's move him back to the armchair for now," I said. "And then you can clean up the blood, get rid of the shower curtain, and burn the tea towel."

There wasn't all that much blood, really.

I packed the restraints back into the purple box, left a note on it for Jac to pack it away upstairs, and went to get Rita.

When I got to the kitchen, she was sat at the table, a steaming mug in front of her, and the scent of coffee for company. She was cradling her phone in her hands, gazing at it, and periodically tapping.

"Oh!" She looked up mid-tap. "How is he?"

"Good. Good. Jac will be keeping an eye on him for a bit, but it seems fine so far."

"I've just been talking to him." Rita said. "Ian, I mean." She lifted her phone and gave it a little wave by way of explanation.

She's talking about them like they're the same person.

"Umm. About that. You'll need to put that... er, him... close to..." I gestured vaguely back towards where the body of her husband sprawled, unconscious. "It's like pairing a device," I explained, echoing what Jac had said to me the last time I'd done this.

"I see," she said. She followed me back to the lounge, and placed her phone on the arm of the chair next to Ian with rather more ceremony than I felt was strictly deserved.

"We'll make up the sofa bed for you," I said. "Do you have any pyjamas?"

Her face fell.

"It's fine, I'll find you something."

"Don't worry about it. I don't think I could sleep anyway. Not while..." She trailed off, gazing at the lump in the easy chair. "Anyway, what if he moves and knocks the phone? Won't that mess up the... the... the pairing or whatever?"

"Maybe you're right. I'll sort out the bed anyway, so you can sleep when you're ready. When he comes round, he might not be too comfy there."

She pulled the footstool over beside him, gathered up one of his hands in both of hers, and settled in to wait for him to open his eyes.

I felt like I was intruding. Like this time belonged to the couple, and the moment they met, for the first time, again, was... Well, maybe not private, but it was something.

I was exhausted. I was a limp balloon. All I wanted to do was collapse into bed and sleep and sleep...

But no. I wanted Jac to stay close by and keep monitoring the v- the patient. For some reason I couldn't put into words, I didn't want to leave him alone with the couple, either. So we all kept the vigil, all three of us, until Jac declared that it was safe to stop monitoring.

I offered to help move Ian to the sofa bed, but Rita shook her head and assured me they'd be fine.

I didn't undress, or remove my make up. I snuggled up to Jac and told him to hold me until I feel asleep, and to make sure he woke me in the morning before he went downstairs.

It felt nice, actually, encircled in his arms.

Oh yes, this was definitely an upgrade.

+

Thank you for reading, and no, I'm not done yet 😁