Backtrack

I’m in a strange place. Troubles stain my intentions with their shadows. You’ve left a pain I’ll never unfeel. It’s the kind that leaves your throat a bit choked. I did what I had to keep things sane. Don’t think for a second that I didn’t want you. I can’t change facts. I had to do things. The pain on my hips, the sour feelings and the heavy eyes. I’m bound to it. I am not a saint, I’m a mother.

Tarnished by past choice, I reach for something. Unsure of whether the steps I've chosen are dragging me down or propelling me forward. I hesitate. Fear takes me. I tell myself I should chose what's best for the children. Realizing I made choices in a cloud of exhaust, I backtrack.