All Your Family are over there, go over there!

I made sure that I had apples and bread to give to her, and she always got so excited when I drove up to the cottage; that is where I am staying for now. I love taking pictures of her because she has a personality and I know that she likes me. I took pictures of her with Picasso; it was a special bond. A dog and a rabbit who wants to spend time together.

I knew she could be challenging at times; before covid-19, I packed my daily schedule to give her the space she was eager to have. People are affected by isolation from family, friends, and community, while others with some mental health illness can create havoc for family members who reside with them. Individuals have disrupted behavior patterns, a higher level of stress. They can feel out of control is associated with depression, anxiety, and anxiety-related disorders. Pandemic 2020: I heard her on the phone, but I was not sure who she was talking to; at first, I thought maybe it was my sister because of what she said to the person at the end of the line. She said," I told him to respect you (mwen di li pou li respect you). The person asked her what they told her, so she reprimanded someone. In the tone of her voice, she was not happy about what had just happened. Then she received some good and bad news from my sister, and she could not speak her mind like she was accustomed to doing. One person came with reinforcement when she delivered the information, and I was there also, so she could not be her authentic self. Now she had three issues to deal with.

The bathroom is next to her bedroom, which is convenient for her and not also a good thing since she has to see people going and coming out of the bathroom. After my divorced, I moved to the cottage with my children and her; not only did I have to deal with my loss, I had to cater to a person who can be very demanding. I had to be on the best behavior, and she was not there to fully help me. She tried with the car after my car was repossessed; however, she refused to help with the mortgage, so I lost my home. I moved to the cottage and stayed in one room with my kids, and she remained in the middle room, which is the most oversized room with a kitchen. The main house has four bedrooms, a living room, a dining room, a library, a basement with four bathrooms. My sister, her husband, and her son were the only ones who occupied the house, there was plenty of room to move there, but she was stuck to me when I needed time to heal. She can not help me emotionally because she is not equipped for that. I understand she went through many hardships, but this is my life. "I feel so stupid because I fell in the trap; I knew better to ignore the things that can come out of her mouth." The fallout is worst because she used me to express her frustration as a scapegoat. She was not upset with me; she was mad at all the different problems she faced this week. She took it to the next level and truly hurt me. Now I have to deal with the disappointment. I have to deal with my low self-esteem. I also have to be healthy for my children; they are the focus of my life.

I wish she could comprehend that I am here with her for a reason. I do not want to be there, but I bring normalcy to her circle. When I moved to the cottage for the second time, one of my sisters told me that her twin sister said that her husband said he wanted his home for his wife and son. I moved to the cottage because there was an extra bedroom which was not occupied. She packed all the furniture against the windows, and her grandchildren did not feel comfortable visiting her. Now the cottage feels like a home, and her grandchildren like to see her and can bring their spouses, and they would feel happy to have an ordinary grandma.

I can move to my own home with acres of land, and my children can visit her when they want to. I do not have to worry about how people will see her. She complained all the time that she wanted to die or she almost died. I want to be far from her; she does not blame me if something happens. She told me before that I was trying to kill her; I had to remind her that I am not the one who is paying for her life insurance, so she can not say that I want to kill her.

How do you people that your mom is incapable of loving others and me? That is a secret and something you can be ashamed of because it is not normal. Yes, I decided to love my children and others because I know the pain of not being loved or feeling loved by the person who supposedly carried you in her belly. I know I will forgive her, but at this moment, I feel hurt. However, I will never trust her. I felt a little better after her meltdown yesterday; it took a toll on my life, I can feel her destructive emotion, and my body sometimes hurt from negative emotion.

"It is important to know you do not need everyone to like you; you just need to be loyal to God." "Do not accept insult from anybody."

Mostly strong women can handle men; I need to be strong. I would think she would focus on tidying up her bedroom since I go through her room to use the bathroom. She can focus on her life and stop trying to control our lives. It is so sad, and she still does not get it at seventy-seven. Many people died from COVID-19, and she knew them, and she still does not get it that life is short and be nice to the people in your life because you never know when they will go home.

Wonder came to the cottage every afternoon and lay on the floor while I watched tv or did my school assignments. I love the dog because she helped me relax and focus on what I needed to do.

That is what I heard her say to the family's pet. Wonder left and went to the neighbor's yard and lay down and died. I also heard her say, "If I let the dog in the cottage, she probably died there with Angie." May's first is the date our pet wonder died. I wished I had come out of my room and allowed Wonder to go into the cottage. We all cried because we were going to miss him, and for that day, we put our issues away, and the men in the family dug a hole, so we buried Wonder there. It was so interesting that she passed the Saturday that everyone was there. Her owner is my nephew, and he does not live in the house anymore because his school is about one hour away. His parents worked at the school that he attended, and I am sure his father is thrilled because he does not have to drive that long-distance as he did for so many years. They only have one child, and they cherish him and want the best for him.

I ate cookies and pasta yesterday from my niece Becker our neighbor bought them cookie to pasta because the family dog died in the backyard on Saturday wonder waiting until the family was together today I wonder tried to come to the cottage to visit me but mom told her to go back to her people that were in the main house I love one though and always feather apple and bread mom learn together apple and be nice to her but this time she did not let wander come to the cottage mom is 78 years old and her behavior is not steady I'm sure she thinks that she stop Wonder from dying in the cottage next to me in my perspective I did not see Wonder before she died just like my father if I remember you could only change your behavior and your perspective people see things differently based on their perspective for example one that play a big part in so many people's life she knew when some people needed her to be around for emotional support she kept me company in the cottage almost every afternoon it started because of my nephews peter's work schedule I look forward to seeing her every afternoon. I forgive her because she is an older woman with exceptionalities. It is not her fault that she is different. Lord, I need my own home so I can continue to move forward and get to see my children and great-grandchildren like my grandmother. The following day I went into the kitchen to get lettuce for my pet tortoise. I noticed she was watching me, so I decided to make a sandwich with lettuce and turkey, mayonnaise, onion, and since she was watching, I put the sandwich on a plate, and I showed it to her, and I said, since you like to watch what I am doing. Yes, I know she wants to copy what I do, so I showed her my plate.