Aliens or Cops?

Meet dumbass Darius. That’s my nickname for him because he’s always doing something foolish and there’s no other explanation than being a dumbass. For example, we have been planning this heist for months and by we, I mean, Darius, Domino, and myself, Rico. And of course, dumbass Darius messes up something! Me and Domino have been friends since diapers, I taught him how to potty train, even though when you ask him, he claims it’s the other way around. We became friends with Darius when he moved to Flatbush in middle school. We saw he was about to get his ass jumped right outside the park and we decided to help him. We found out the reason for the almost ass whooping was over a girl. We saved him that day and have been saving him ever since.

The three of us have been jewelry thieves for some years now. We had a good thing going, but dumbass Darius always finds a way to almost sabotage everything. We stake out a spot for several weeks, learn the routine, the staff, and most importantly the jewelry. You must learn and study the items you will be stealing in order to get the job done in an efficient amount of time. That’s what people who work in cubicles call time management. It is what keeps us from getting caught. I do most of the studying because I like to read and my brain is good at absorbing. Domino has an excellent memory, like an elephant, and is good at problem solving. We never trusted Darius to do anything right, so his job was to hold the bag with our tools. He was our official hand us the tools person and the holder of the flashlight when we needed to see. On tonight’s episode of How Does Dumbass Darius almost Doom Us?, the flashlight is the main character.

This heist should have been easy. We should have been in and out in six minutes. There was no breaking glass, or cutting off alarm systems necessary. This was a brand new store, one that hasn’t even opened yet and no publicity. Our home girl, Lacey, recently was hired and has been telling us how she is preparing them for grand opening. They still haven’t set up their security system, it’s been installed, but the program has not been downloaded, so all those cameras are just for show. Three early mornings a week, the stock shipments are delivered in the back alley behind the store, next to a brick wall until someone comes to open by 7am and work until 3pm. She works with two other people, but lately just one as the job is almost done. Tonight’s shipment? Colored jewels specifically the reds and greens, our focus will be emeralds. She never realized what she was doing by giving me all those details, then again she didn’t know our hustle. She gave me the idea, the details, and the address. This should have been our easiest job yet. But dumbass Darius and this dumbass flashlight ….

We never had to go inside and Darius was our getaway driver. He had to do nothing, but sit and wait for us to come back to drive off. He had the flashlight, as usual, and was instructed to flash it two times if someone was coming or a police car. We would then jump behind the brick wall in the alley and hide until we got the one flash the coast was clear. If we never got the one flash, RUN. Everything was going smoothly. We had opened up three boxes and were able to seal them back in four minutes and we had two minutes to open and seal the last box, plenty of time.

Then we see it…a flash of green light. It took our attention immediately. This green light was mesmerizing, so mesmerizing Domino and I involuntarily walk towards it as if abducting us…aliens??? Only aliens use green light projections like the one that hypnotized us. Suddenly, the green light disappeared and I was about to snap out of my trance when it came back on. The aliens coming for us for real, they signaling each other by flashing the green light twice to tell each other they got us.

THEY FLASHED THE GREEN LIGHT TWICE!

I came to real quick when I registered that dumbass Darius must have a green flashlight, but it was too late. I did not realize quick enough because when I came to, police was already guns drawn.

“A green flashlight, Darius?!?” I shouted. "Dumbass Darius!!"

There was no running or denying because that last box was still open, we had emeralds in our hands, and our stash bag was found. So here I am, sitting in the precinct writing this confession for my plea deal. I will get 10 years because I have no priors and a good lawyer. Domino too. Dumbass Darius is also lucky ass Darius because he only got five years because he only sat in the car. Come to find out, Darius purchased the green flashlight because his original flashlight had stopped working. He tried to replace the lightbulb, but couldn’t find the one he needed, so he bought the next thing he saw, a green flashlight. He flashed that shit and I thought aliens.

We will serve our time together in the same facility and if we all rank good behavior, Darius can be out in two years, and Domino and myself in five or six. Is this the end of heists? Jewelry ones for sure...