Aisle Seven Economics

“Tell me why this dishwasher costs eight hundred more than last year?” “Because of tariffs, Mary, and don’t let anyone pretend otherwise!”

“Or because the store realized people would pay it and slapped a higher price on the price tag.”

“Patty, you are always so cynical, but look at the steel tub and the motor warranty.”

“Catherine, a shinier tub doesn’t justify these crazy prices.”

“Neither does pretending tariffs don’t ripple through supply chains.”

“I’m not pretending; I’m saying they’re a convenient cover.”

“Cover for what, greed with an apron?”

“For margin expansion while everyone argues about policy.”

“I just want plates clean without refinancing my house.”

“And I want to know why the same fridge jumped a thousand dollars.”

“It didn’t jump; it grew smarter, quieter, and more convenient.”

“Catherine, convenience was the product description in 1998.”

“And louder, leakier, and dead after six years.”

“My old one lasted fifteen.”

“Because it was a box with a light, not a computer.”

“Now you’re paying for screens you’ll never touch.”

“I touch them when the door is open.”

“That’s not the point, Mary.”

“The point is tariffs tax imports.”

“The point is stores choose how much of that to pass on.”

“And the point is quality isn’t free.”

“So you’re both saying I’m trapped.”

“I’m saying tariffs raised the floor.”

“I’m saying the store raised the ceiling.”

“I’m saying we are the victims of this policy fiasco.”

“Cute metaphor, Catherine, but my budget doesn’t stretch.”

“Then buy domestic.”

“Point me to the domestic refrigerator aisle.”

“Exactly.”

“There are assembled-here models.”

“Assembled from where?”

“Components.”

“Imported components that are subject to tariffs.”

“And fewer breakdowns.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know service calls dropped.”

“According to whom, the salesperson?”

“According to my cousin, who fixes these.”

“Your cousin fixes stories.”

“He fixes machines and complains about cheaper parts.”

“Cheaper than what?”

“Than what they used before tariffs.”

“Or cheaper because stores squeezed suppliers.”

“You’re both allergic to nuance.”

“I’m allergic to paying extra for nuance.”

“I’m allergic to blaming stores for everything.”

“Mary, you’re allergic to math.”

“Patty, you’re allergic to responsibility.”

“Catherine, you’re allergic to anger.”

“Anger doesn’t chill vegetables.”

“Neither does a touchscreen.”

“The compressor does, and it’s better now.”

“Better how?”

“Variable speed, less energy, longer life.”

“Energy savings don’t erase the sticker shock.”

“They compound over time.”

“Time is what I don’t have at checkout.”

“Mary, remember when shirts were cheap and fell apart?”

“They were cheap.”

“And fell apart.”

“I liked replacing them.”

“Landfills liked you.”

“Now cotton blends last.”

“Because of tariffs?”

“Because of better weaving and dyes.”

“And higher prices.”

“And fewer replacements.”

“I don’t buy sweaters like bonds.”

“You buy appliances like marriages.”

“I want commitment.”

“Then read the warranty.”

“Ten years, but parts extra.”

“Parts that won’t fail as often.”

“Unless the store cut corners.”

“Unless tariffs cut options.”

“Unless quality rose.”

“I’m telling you, Mary, our tariff policy is raising prices.”

“I’m telling you, Patty, stores are trying to maintain their profit margins at our expense.”

“I’m telling you both, this oven bakes better.”

“My old oven baked.”

“Unevenly.”

“I rotated pans.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“Luxury talk.”

“Baseline expectations.”

“Expectations inflated like prices.”

“Or elevated like standards.”

“Standards don’t ring up.”

“They ring true.”

“Listen to that hum.”

“I hear a hum because it’s on display.”

“I hear quiet compared to the loud dinosaur I had at home.”

“I hear excuses.”

“Mary, what’s your number?”

“Less than last year.”

“Patty, what’s your evidence?”

“Margins in the quarterly report.”

“Catherine, what’s your proof?”

“Five fewer service calls on my block.”

“None of you is helping.”

“We’re triangulating.”

“I’m suffocating.”

“Okay, compromise.”

“Don’t say midrange.”

“Buy the model without the screen.”

“Still tariffed.”

“Still better steel.”

“Still expensive.”

“Less expensive.”

“Less angry.”

“Less cynical.”

“Less idealistic.”

“More dishes are clean.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“But I’m blaming someone.”

“Blame the tariffs.”

“Blame the store’s pricing formulas.”

“Blame progress.”

“I’ll blame the receipts at the end of the month when I sit down to pay my credit card balance that I cannot afford!”