After

I stood rigid, in the middle of the street, staring into the distance. The rhythmic flash of red, yellow, green, from the only traffic light on main street, held my attention. I couldn’t remember how I came to be here, in the middle of town, standing in the road. I thought about making my way down the street towards the stoplight to head home but stopped myself, distracted by the stinging sensation on the back of my heel. I knew I should have worn more comfortable shoes. My black strappy heels did not fit right and always caused a blister to form. Hiking up the skirt of my emerald green, rockabilly dress I bent down to remove my shoes, allowing them to dangle from my fingers by the straps.

Red

Yellow

Green

Red

Yellow

Green

How did I get here?

I was mesmerized by the light flashing in a steady pattern. It felt safe. Predictable. It made me feel less disoriented standing here with no recollection of how. Just beyond the traffic light, at the end of the road a soft white incandescent light drew my curiosity. I wanted to walk towards it, but I couldn’t. It felt as though my feet had fused to the warm blacktop, keeping me in place. I could feel the gritty dirt of the pavement against my skin as I wiggled my toes trying to will myself to pick up my feet and move forward.

Red

Yellow

Green

Red

Yellow

Green

I suddenly felt a chill course through my body forcing me to wrap my arms around myself. I needed to get home, it was getting late, and my parents would worry. The dance had ended hours before, and I was supposed to go straight home. The dance! That was where I had been. My friends and I had gone to the school dance together. I remembered the dance ending but I don’t remember how we ended up here.

Think! Think! Think!

Red

Red balloons! The dance floor was filled with them. We were having such a fun time, my friends and me, dancing amongst the balloons to every song the DJ played. We lost ourselves in the music and laughter, celebrating the last days of our high school careers. Many of us planning our futures after graduation. My head was starting to hurt. Why couldn’t I remember what happened after the dance?

Think! Think! Think!

Yellow

Yellow! The song by Coldplay. The DJ played it and I saw the cutest boy in our class from across the dance floor smiling at me; what was his name? I could feel the blush across my cheeks as he walked towards me with his megawatt smile and deep blue eyes. He asked me to dance and while we were holding each other closely he whispered in my ear. I could smell a hint of alcohol on his breath as he asked me if he could give us a ride home. I was tickled that he had even noticed me, so I nodded in agreement. As soon as the dance ended, we followed him to his car where his friends were hanging around the open trunk laughing and filling cups with a golden liquid. Courage in a cup I remembered thinking as I downed the first cup and held it forward for a refill. We piled into the car and headed to the real party, at the lake. I recalled sticking my head out of the window, letting the wind whip my hair around, and letting out a joyous yell as we sped down the road. We spent a few hours at the lake, music from the car stereo filling the silence of the night. The only light from the stars and the headlights that danced across the water as we splashed, danced, and drank, clinging to our last few carefree days.

Green

The trees at the side of the road were lit up with light. Why were they so bright and vivid green in the dark? I thought I heard the faint sound of sobbing on the night air but did not understand why it sounded so far away. The soft white glow past the traffic light seemed to be getting closer…brighter. But I couldn’t seem to tear my attention away from the timed switch from red to yellow to green, as the light signaled to non-existent traffic at this time of night.

Red

Red

Red

Red

The flashing red light pulled my attention away from the beacon of the traffic light. I turned my head to find an ambulance and fire engine pulling up next to a car that had flipped onto its roof. Smoke was billowing from the hood as one tire spun slowly. The spotlight from the ambulance lit up the trees and highlighted the flurry of activity around the accident by the firefighters and paramedics attending to the car and the people sitting on the curb or in the road. A light flashed and a sharp pain shot behind my eyes causing me to close them quickly. When I opened them, my view was very different. I could see faces fading in and out of focus as though I were looking through a pair of dirty, fingerprint smudged glasses. Pain flowed through me like lightning bolts pulsing through every bone, every nerve ending. I closed my eyes again to clear my field of vision. When I opened my eyes again the pain had subsided and I was back on the road staring at the traffic light, now overshadowed by the soft white glow behind. It all became so clear in that moment. My soul ached as I felt my heart stop before I heard the ever-slowing beat of it in my head. I turned to watch the paramedics around my body, lying in the road, partially pinned beneath the car and thought briefly of my parents. I heard the muffled sobs of my friends, and the voices of the paramedics discussing options, until they faded out completely and I was once again feeling the pull of the soft white glow.

Red

Yellow

Green

“Daisy, dear, this way. We are so happy to see you again.”

I recognized the voice of my grandmother calling me, then the unmistakable sound of my old dog barking. Both had left us long ago. I felt my feet release from the pavement and finally I took a step, moving towards the warmth of the white glow and the comfort of familiar voices. I stopped for only a moment, looking back with momentary sadness. I heard my name spoken through broken voices by my dear friends, who were now hugging each other tightly. I made a silent wish for my friends to be okay and remember me fondly. A cool wind swept over me from behind, lifting the sadness and guiding me forward.

“I’ll miss you.” I uttered before turning back and making my final journey.