A Special Gift

I spent ten years of my life with a man that I loved dearly. I just knew that he and I were going to be married and spend our lives together. My name is Brenna Jacobs. His name was Anthony Cawns, and yes, I used the past tense- was. We never got married because he passed away in July of last year.

After Anthony’s death, I swore I would never love another man. I refused to even consider the possibility of dating. I hated the very thought. Three of my four children were grown. I had only one teenage son left at home, and I figured that I would just devote all my energy towards him. I didn’t need a man.

Seeking to make my life more fulfilling, I poured my attention towards studying my Bible. I even joined a ministry. It was there that I discovered that I had a gift for not only learning and understanding the Bible but I also had a gift for teaching it. I began to teach, and I met a lot of new people. There were two people in particular that I met.

The first was a man by the name of Jordan. I met him in August of last year. He was a sweet man with a seemingly humble spirit. All he talked about was God. He never said anything out of the way to me. He never asked me out, and he was always so friendly. I enjoyed talking to him a lot. He told me about what his life was like before he started going to church and studying his Bible. He talked about his hopes and dreams for the future, and how he was praying for a wife. I didn’t think of him as someone I would be interested in so I considered him someone safe.

The second was a man by the name of Jasper. I met him in March of this year. He, like Jordan, was a sweet man with a seemingly humble spirit. He talked about God a lot too, but that was not all he talked about. He talked about his past, his present, and his hopes for the future. He expressed his desire to meet someone and fall in love. The biggest difference between Jasper and Jordan was that, after about a month of conversations, Jasper began to tell me that God told him that I would be his wife one day. He was not someone I considered safe to be friends with. I wasn’t interested in him, but I was more than a little uncomfortable talking to him.

I wanted to talk to Jordan a lot more than I did Jasper. I thought that by limiting our conversations I would discourage Jasper. It didn’t work. Jasper would back off for a week here and there, but he would always come back. He would all but beg me to fall in love with him, but I was adamant about not falling in love with anyone ever again.

Months passed, and by June, I was really good friends with both men. Jordan finally asked me about dating him, and I accepted. I had started to feel a little lonely, and I felt that Jordan was a safe choice for a mate for me. I was so very wrong. About a month into dating, he began to use some extremely vulgar sexual language when he talked to me. He also began to make little insults about my looks and my personality. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t. It was clear to me that he was not interested in a relationship that could lead to marriage, and that was not the man that he presented himself to be.

I broke it off with him, realizing that my choice to enter into a relationship with him was not based on my interest in him but on the safety of knowing I would most likely never fall in love with him. He was not the kind of man that I would have ever been interested in. It was just the way he talked about God that caught my attention. I thought that he would be a Godly man to spend my life with, but in reality, he was just a man looking for someone to share his bed. He was trying to use my interest in God to manipulate me into a sexual relationship. He stopped speaking to me.

Meanwhile, Jasper was adamant that I was to be his wife. I liked that he was so open and honest about his feelings. Unlike Jordan, he refused to speak any vulgarity to me. He even apologized when he thought anything he said might have been even slightly offensive. It was an endearing quality. I began to warm up to him, and by October, I was in love with him. I was still afraid to admit how I felt about him because he had expressed several times how he’d felt strong sexual urges that he fought constantly. I feared that he too was just looking for someone to share his bed. I also feared a relationship with him. He was a sweet man with honorable intentions.

Even while expressing his feelings and fears, Jasper made sure to state that he only wanted to inform me of his issues so I could pray with him and help him be stronger. He also made it abundantly clear that marriage was his motive. He wanted nothing less. I fought with everything in me to stay away from him. He continued to seek my counsel in ministry, but he didn’t push towards a relationship. He just continued to be sincere and honest. At times, he was even funny.

Thanksgiving came. Jasper was still a big part of my life. He had even begun to ingratiate himself with my children. They’d become quite fond of him. I was still fighting my feelings, but I knew that I was fighting a losing battle. I wanted to be his wife. I would have vivid dreams about laying in his arms. He would text me good morning every day, addressing me as his beautiful wife.

When December came, Jasper informed me that he wanted to give me a very special Christmas present. I had expressed to him several times throughout our acquaintance and our friendship that I would not take gifts from him. I was trying so hard not to encourage him in any way, but my curiosity about this “special gift” began to get the best of me. This was not the first time he'd expressed his desire to give me a special gift, and telling me that this was a Christmas present, Jasper had almost ensured that I would take it. What kind of person would I be if I would not allow a friend to give me a Christmas present?

It is almost dinner time on Christmas Eve. I have spent all day making desserts and prepping for Christmas dinner. Jasper called me a few minutes ago and informed me that he was coming with Captain D’s for me and my son. He wants to hang out and watch movies tonight. He also wants to give me the gift that he has been promising me.

As I finish cleaning the kitchen after my day of cooking, I think about Jasper. I wonder what it would be like to be his wife. I wonder how it would feel to kiss his lips.

The sound of his deep, smooth voice drifting from the other room cuts into my thoughts. He has arrived, and he and my son are setting up dinner in front of the television. I shudder to imagine what movie they will choose for use to watch tonight. The two of them share a rather strange interest in comedy horror movies. Although I do like horror movies, I am more of a sci-fi and rom-com kind of person.

We ate dinner and laughed at the horror comedy they’d chosen. I usually do not like movies like this. I usually feel like a movie should be either a horror movie or a comedy but not both, but this one was okay. My son excused himself from the room as soon as the movie ended, giving Jasper a big smile and a fist bump.

“Are you ready for your gift,” Jasper asks.

I simply nod slowly.

As I sat there on the sofa, this sweet man knelt before me, pulled out a ring, and asked me to be his wife, explaining to me that the ring was my gift and that I am his.