A Shift in the Shadows

Prologue

The ramifications of ostracism and bullying go further than we may realize.

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I don’t know why people are fussing over this. It didn't even happen the way they said it did.

But I understand. Someone has to be the bad guy, Isn't it? It's been like that since the beginning of time. So,adults, let's play this blame game, if that's what you want.

Yeah, I knew Thomas Lim. You'd say we were friends, but we simply did things together. Honestly. We went to the same school,attended the same classes, move in the same circles. People thought we were tight, but I barely noticed him. He was there, in the background, like an old chair in the living room that you forget until you need to sit somewhere.

But I guess that’s how things are, right? If you can’t remember the details, you just make them up.

I didn’t start that fight with Thomas. Not really. It was already going on when I stepped in—people calling him names, pulling on his uniform. I wasn't the one who called him “Kwee Kia(Ghost Boy).” It honestly wasn’t me. It was another one of our classmates,although I'm not sure who.I guess I repeated the name because that's what everyone does.

Does that make me a horrible person? People behave like saints, but do all the bad things I do. And It's not as though Thomas said anything about it. He never put up a fight. The silly fool just took it. Silently. Like he was waiting for something. But what? We didn’t owe him anything, right?

One afternoon, in the canteen, I remember—no, wait. Did it actually happen? Or did another classmate tell me about it? I’m not sure. It’s like trying to catch raindrops. Anyway, someone was throwing noodles at him as he was just sitting there. They hit his shirt and soup splattered everywhere. Everyone laughed, and I might have done that, too. I guess so. Who wouldn't?

But why keep questioning me like I was the one who threw the food,or pushed him? It wasn’t like that. I swear.

I didn’t know that it would go this far. No one did. Not even Thomas, probably. Things just got worse, you know? One day you’re just joking, teasing, laughing… and the next, he’s gone. Like really gone.

The morning they discovered him—when they found him- everything seemed unusually quiet. Something in the air had changed. There were rumors. Whispers. They said Thomas left a note, but I never read it. Would he leave a note for us? We wouldn't be on his mind. He never looked at us. He would always stare outside the classroom windows, in his own world.

Why do you guys keep asking me what happened? I'm trying to remember the days leading up to it, but everything’s a blur. Like I’m swimming through mud. I think I heard him talk to someone, but I can't remember who. Who knows, he could have been talking to himself. He might have been planning to leave this silly school. I can't be responsible for that.

Now, there’s always finger pointing. They say we drove him to it. But that couldn’t be, right? The decision was his. We didn't make him do anything at all. It wasn’t just us. It might have been his weirdness. There was always something off about him.

Still, people always question me, as if it's my responsibility. They sound like broken records. “Did you do it? Did you start it?” And I keep replying that I didn't. Over and over. But they look at me like I’m the greatest liar in the world. I guess it's easier for them this way.

The thing is, I'm wondering if they are right. Not because I did anything to him; I just can't remember if I didn't. Does that make sense? My memories keep moving around. Every time I try to remember what happened, the story changes. At times,I see myself laughing. At others, I remember Thomas walking away from us. And sometimes he just stares at me. His eyes always looked at me as if I wasn't real.

Perhaps it's his eyes that scared me. Maybe that's why I can't remember anymore.

It's not as if I meant anything bad to happen…it's just did. Bad things happen all the time, don't they? You get caught up in them, and when something happens, it's too late.

But I keep remembering something. it keeps coming up. I tried to push it away, but I can't stop remembering it.

It was after school. the day before everything happened. Thomas waited for me by the gate, like a wounded animal.

“Are you okay?” I asked him out more out of habit than concern.

His mouth opened and closed, and he stuttered. “I…I need to talk to someone.”

Now that was awkward. I just ignored him. What was I to do, be his therapist? He walked away, his shoulders slumping.

I didn't remember this until now. Did I forget? I really can't remember.

I'm not the bad guy here, am I? I was just there, wasn't I?