A Recycled Memory

The outside world was unknown to her but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. She had found herself here totally by chance. There was no reason to be in his room. Citizens do not enter the chambers of other citizens. Not that it's prohibited, but it's just not something you do. Like eating in the bathroom or washing your clothes more than once a week. So many things are automatic because life is like that. Everything has its place.

Yes, that's very true here. Everything has its place. The schedule was not always as easy for her as it should be. Barb had trouble going to sleep right when the lights went out at curfew. She also forgot to eat at mealtimes and stayed in the library too long. None of these mistakes got her in trouble but the looks she inspired on the faces of other citizens made her uncomfortable often enough.

The looks she inspires from other citizens when she slips the schedule are so confusing. Not anger or sadness but discomfort. The kind of feeling you get when you have to use the bathroom but it's not evacuation time yet. Or when your shoes are too small but you have three cycles before it's time for new ones.

She tried apologizing once for not eating her dinner when it was presented to her. It wasn't the first time that it had happened but it was the first time that she noticed the discomfort of the others around her. The meal was presented and everyone started eating while her mind wandered back to the morning. She was thinking about the book she had just finished reading. It was some love story that was somehow unsatisfying to her.

In this story, a boy was assigned a girl. They moved into a family unit. They had babies assigned to them, they raised the babies. They died. It was beautiful and perfect like a love story is meant to be. As she read it she kept imagining the boy saying “no, I don't want to do that!” and she imagined the boy turning and walking out the door.

She knew that that would never happen, but her mind kept adding it to the story. At dinner that day she had found herself thinking what would that even mean, “no”. No dinner, no weekly bath, no hour of socializing, no bedtime, no getting out of bed.

She thought that if she didn't get out of bed the recycler would just take her ten minutes after the morning bell rang. Totally unceremoniously she would burn in the recycler as her bedding was sterilized.

Was there something else she could say no to? This was the thought that crowded out all other thoughts until she heard motion around her and she remembered where she was. When she focused on the citizens in her proximity she noticed the uncomfortable looks they gave the food she was supposed to consume for dinner. Her tray, which should be empty but wasn't was sliding into the recycler. And all about were uncomfortable faces.

She was hungry too but it was too late. The food was gone and it was time for her to go too. On the way to her room, she decided to try out the word no. Barb was not even sure she could say it without proper context but she was determined to try.

As she approached her room her neighbor Carl said “Hi, good evening”.

Her response was a quick non-committal “no”.

Carl stopped, the discomfort and confusion contorting his face.

Barb went into her room, a little afraid of what she had done.

After she closed the door she leaned against it breathing heavily and sweating. After a few moments, she stood and opened the door to see neighbor Carl still standing in the same place with the same horrible expression on his face. Frozen in place, unable to move from the shock of the word no.

She closed the door and went straight to bed without doing any of her nightly routines. As she lay there fully clothed she could hear the toileting processes run without her. She heard the waste recycler run. And she heard the hall recycler run by her door and she thought with horror that neighbor Carl was still in the hall, frozen with that terrible expression on his face and the word no ringing in his ears.

She didn't sleep that night. She was wide awake with thoughts of how the recyclers keep everything clean and organized. She did not know yet what happened to neighbor Carl. She would not ever know, but later that day neighbor Barb moved into neighbor Carl's place and she never saw him again.

It had been at least a week and she was not even remotely keeping her schedule. She did manage to eat every meal and said “Hi, good morning” and every other time appropriate greeting but everything was off. Everything was difficult now that she knew that she was disrupted. She was wrong somehow. She felt that she should be recycled but she did not want to be. She had so many feelings raging inside that she simply had no words for.

This night her sleepless exhausted body was at its limits. She had walked far from her section of the campus into an older section. There were family units here with door numbers in a font that looked bizarre and door handles and flooring that though functional looked worn.

She nearly knocked over an old Carl not looking where she was going. After correcting herself and catching the old man they made eye contact. There in his gaze, she saw something strange. There was not the discomfort that she had started to get used to but a warm expression. Not happiness but the opposite. Sadness but somehow it was a sweet sadness.

The old Carl did not give her much time before he gave her a shove through the door and into his quarters.

She was startled and confused. So was the old Barbara that was inside sitting at the table getting ready to eat her dinner.

The old Carl grabbed his dinner and started eating as he stared at Barb who was looking about the room. Just beyond the bed where the media screen should be was a strange device that she could not make sense of. It was about the same size as a media screen but the image did not move. There was no light radiating from it. There was only deep green darkness.

She stood mesmerized staring at what she could not comprehend. The old couple ate their dinner giving her time to soak it in.

Eventually, the tension in the room broke when the old Carl cleared his throat.

“Why did you bring me in here” Barb demanded.

With slow thoughtful weight to his words, the old Carl said “I do not know”.

“There was something about your face, the expression was different and I didn't know what to do so I brought you in here.”

This was all too much for Barb. She hesitated for a moment taking one more look at the object where the media screen should be and she walked out of the room and back to her own room, her own private normal quarters.

She was never able to find old Carl and his room with his old Barb. It was not for a lack of effort. Whenever she ventured away from her section all she found was renovation going on in adjacent sections. No old Carl, no old Barb, and no old room.

Eventually, she gave up the search never knowing that what she had seen was the last window and the last view of outside. There was no one to ask, she didn't even know what to ask. All that remained was the confusing image of dark green in a confused mind. This too would be recycled one day.