A Project Break

“So what do you think?”

“I think that there is something wrong with the circuit. Two of the red lights keep flashing, so we should probably run a diagnostic…”

“Liz!” Nathan’s voice sounded strident even to his own ears. “You were not listening. Were you?”

Elizabeth flinched at her boyfriend’s harsh interjection. Her confused blue eyes met with his intense hazel gaze. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to figure out what she had missed in the last few minutes of their conversation. There were snippets of talks about a concert, some family event, and graduation all muddled up in her head. She tried to put the jumbled information into some logical order, and concluded that they were discussing their Electronics project.

Why, then, would Nathan be mad? Running a test on individual rigs seems like a rational suggestion to her, but he did not even let her finish.

“Sorry, but I am a bit lost here.” Elizabeth eventually said.

Nathan sighed—the way he always does when he is frustrated. Taking a slow sip of his energy drink, he contemplated changing the subject to avoid any argument. After all, he knew Elizabeth gets hyper-fixated on scholastic achievements and this project is her current academic focus. He should just be supportive and let her carry on with her ramblings. But since he has already interrupted her, he decided to calmly continue.

“Liz, look around you. Can you tell me where we are?” he said with arms outstretched, encouraging her to survey the empty room.

“In the student lounge.” she replied, unsure of where this exchange is heading.

He nodded briefly and leaned towards her. “And why are we here?”

“Oh.” A hint of annoyance in her tone. “We are sitting here because we are taking a break from working on the project.”

His steady hands reached across the table to cradle her restless ones. “I am not asking for a lot. Can’t we just spend some moment together like regular people in a normal relationship? Talk about our dreams, our plans. Enjoy a little bit of the present.”

“But this project is our present. The result of which would affect our future.”

There is truth to that statement, Nathan thoughtfully conceded. They are in the last stretch of their final semester; both are expected to graduate with honors. Elizabeth, however, has more skin in the game—she is in the running for summa cum laude and vying for class valedictorian. The prompt completion of the project would allow her to adequately prepare for the “hell week” of exams.

“Liz, you know that I will never ask for something that would hinder you from reaching your goals.”

He understands her competitive drive and has always encouraged her to pursue her ambitions. He has resigned to the fact that he is not at the top of her priorities. He had even sacrificed some of his dreams for her.

Is it selfish of him to ask her for a little bit of a break? Is it too much to expect an ounce of consideration from her?

“Do you even love me, Liz?”

“I do. And I don’t understand why you have to ask me this.”

“Maybe, I am asking because I am starting to have doubts.

“I love you, Nate. Maybe, I just don’t know how to love you in the way you needed to be loved. But I can learn. You, of all people, should know that I am good at learning.”

“Liz, there is never an issue about your ability to learn. The question is whether you want to, or even have the time to do so.”

Elizabeth glared at him. She opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to have immediately changed her mind. She pursed her lips, then slowly lowered her head. Her silence palpable.

Nathan groaned. In the five years that they have been together, he has discovered that her current posture means the conversation is over. Nothing will get through to her and she will not respond to anything. A few tense minutes ticked by before he stood up, kissed the top of her head, and walked briskly to the door. He has never been this insecure about the direction of their relationship. He desperately wants things to work out for them, but there might not be a room for a “them” in her world right now.

“Nate?”

The raw uncertainty in her voice made him pause and look back at her. A glimmer of hope came from that simple utterance of his name.

“I think I can fix this.” Elizabeth murmured; her head still bowed.

“Mm-hmm?” was all the response he can muster. His hand clutched the knob of the open lounge door.

“I am not sure yet, but I think I can make the system give a solid green light instead of the flickering reds.”

Nathan was crestfallen. Pain ravaged his heart, but clarity soothed his frayed soul. Realization came; then, acceptance.

“Okay. I’ll see you in the lab tomorrow.” he said wistfully before gently closing the door behind him.