A Practical Guide to Becoming a Christian Nationalist

Introduction: Establishing Your Foundation

Before you begin, understand this guide is not about faith, love, or neighborliness—those are advanced electives and easily confused with weakness. This is about order. About belonging. About finally having an answer ready when the world insists on asking complicated questions.

If followed carefully, these instructions will help you construct a sturdy identity—one that requires minimal self-examination and maximum confidence. Mistakes may result in empathy, historical awareness, or the unsettling realization that Jesus said things you don’t agree with. Proceed cautiously.

Step 1: Redefine Christianity (Gently, but Firmly)

Begin by narrowing Christianity until it fits comfortably inside your borders.

You will want to:

• Remove excessive compassion.
• File down inconvenient teachings (turn the other cheek, love your enemies, care for the poor).
• Replace them with sturdier virtues like obedience, tradition, and righteous anger.

Remember: Christianity works best when treated as heritage, not practice. Think of it as an heirloom Bible—leather-bound, unopened, proudly displayed.

If someone suggests Christianity might be global, ancient, or practiced differently elsewhere, reassure them that while Jesus may have been born in the Middle East, He clearly would have voted like you if given the chance.

Step 2: Confuse the Cross with the Flag (This Is Crucial)

Symbols are important. They save time.

Place a flag near the pulpit. If questioned, explain that it’s there to remind everyone which kingdom matters most right now. The other one can wait.

When reading scripture, emphasize passages about authority, kingship, and judgment. If Jesus is depicted as meek or subversive, call it “contextual” and move on.

Over time, the congregation should experience a subtle shift:

• Patriotism feels holy.
• Dissent feels sinful.
• Loyalty becomes indistinguishable from belief.

If done correctly, no one will remember which symbol came first.

Step 3: Selective Literalism (An Art, Not a Science)

Read the Bible literally—except when you don’t.

Literal:

• Sexual ethics (especially other people’s)
• Gender roles (preferably from letters written to specific communities during social crises)

Metaphorical:

• Wealth warnings
• Jubilee
• Anything Jesus says about money
• The radical reordering of power

When challenged, remind others that interpretation requires spiritual maturity, which conveniently aligns with agreeing with you.

Step 4: Establish a Clear Enemy

Every movement needs opposition. Choose carefully.

Good options include:

• Immigrants (especially the desperate kind)
• Intellectuals
• Journalists
• Protesters
• Anyone who says “systemic”
• Christians who read footnotes

Avoid naming greed, pride, or fear as enemies—they’re too close to home.

Once selected, speak of your enemy often. Not with hatred, of course, but with concern. Frame your rhetoric as protection. Protection sounds loving and absolves you of responsibility.

Step 5: Rebrand Fear as Faith

Fear is unavoidable. The trick is presentation.

When you feel anxious about demographic change, social progress, or the possibility that history remembers things accurately, say you are “standing firm.”

When laws harm people, call it “biblical values.”

When others suffer, remind yourself that suffering builds character—particularly when it happens to someone else.

If fear becomes overwhelming, hold a prayer rally. Large crowds are soothing and help drown out doubt.

Step 6: Weaponize Scripture (Handle with Care)

Scripture is powerful. Treat it like a tool, not a mirror.

Use verses as punctuation marks:

• Short.
• Sharp.
• Final.

Never linger long enough for context to complicate your point. If someone insists on reading the surrounding passage, accuse them of undermining biblical authority.

Most importantly, never allow scripture to question your power. The Bible is meant to support, not interrogate.

Step 7: Merge Morality with Legislation

Private belief is insufficient. Laws are the true measure of righteousness.

Push for policies that reflect your values—especially when they regulate bodies, families, and classrooms. Avoid policies that address poverty, healthcare, or violence; those require investment rather than enforcement.

When resistance arises, insist this is not about control, but about “returning to foundations.”

Do not clarify whose foundations.

Step 8: Redefine Persecution

This step requires imagination.

Any critique is persecution.

Any consequence is censorship.

Any loss of cultural dominance is oppression.

If you are still allowed to speak, publish, gather, legislate, and influence—focus instead on tone. Hurt feelings count.

Historical persecution involved prisons and lions. Modern persecution involves comments sections and elections that don’t go your way. The comparison holds if you don’t examine it closely.

Step 9: Teach Children Early

Children are excellent vessels for certainty.

Teach them:

• Their nation was chosen.
• Their beliefs are under attack.
• Doubt is dangerous.
• Obedience is love.

Avoid teaching them history in full. Complexity breeds questions, and questions lead to empathy.

If they ask why Jesus cared for outsiders, redirect the conversation toward personal salvation. Personal is safer.

Step 10: Silence Jesus (Respectfully)

This is the most delicate step.

You must keep Jesus visible but quiet.

Let Him:

• Bless children.
• Approve weddings.
• Smile softly in artwork.

Do not let Him:

• Overturn tables.
• Criticize wealth.
• Side with the marginalized.
• Challenge authority.

If His words become inconvenient, remind others that Paul explains things better anyway.

Troubleshooting Common Issues

Problem: You feel uneasy after reading the Gospels.

Solution: Switch to opinion pieces, podcasts, or the Old Testament—preferably the violent parts, minus the prophetic critiques.

Problem: Someone claims your faith harms others.

Solution: Accuse them of hating Christianity. Do not ask whom it harms or how.

Problem: You feel distant from God.

Solution: Increase volume. Louder worship, stronger language, clearer enemies.

Maintenance and Long-Term Care

To remain a Christian Nationalist, you must consistently avoid:

• Self-examination
• Confession beyond vague generalities
• Listening to those without power
• The possibility that the faith you defend was never meant to rule by force

Remember: certainty is easier to maintain than love. Order feels safer than grace. And dominance is far less demanding than discipleship.

Final Note

If at any point you begin to recognize the irony of calling this faithfulness—

If you notice that the Jesus you defend no longer resembles the one you read—

If you feel the quiet weight of something lost—

Do not panic.

• Close the book.
• Raise the flag.
• Sing louder.

Instructions are meant to guide, not to change you.