A Marriage With Different Politics

I have been with my husband since 2000. Well, at the end of 1999, we were friends. We sit at the kitchen table eating breakfast. No conversation and as usual he has his headphones on to watch and listen to the news of his choice.

He finally understands that our ex-president can trigger my abuse issues just by hearing his voice. Abuse issues that I thought were all gone. I had EMDR, talk therapy, and years of trauma, grief, and loss work. I am sitting here writing this all in my journal.

He just picked up his coffee cup, looking for more coffee. I will do that for him. For how much longer, I don't know.

The elephant is known for having a long memory. The donkey is known for being stubborn. We never had any trouble in our time together until the election that made our previous President. Now, many years later, it is still going on. When is the Jackass and that Asshat going to be done with politics?

I never knew he was on that side of the fence. His parents were clearly on my side of the fence. They are now both deceased, and his brother's family and sister's family are staunch in their beliefs. Christian ministers and anti- government. That sounds odd, but that is what I hear.

Both Presidents could outlive us. They are both older than I am. I can stay until it is over, I guess. Will we make it? I need to set a good example for my daughter, who is also married to someone who is on the opposite side. I know relationships that have broken up over politics since this battle.

There he sits next to me with his headphones on because of my reaction to some of what he listens to. How did this happen? How has it continued? I know I love him. This isn't the first thing we haven't agreed on. This has been the most hurtful, though.

He looks at me with eyes that say I love you! Then okay, what's wrong? I just shake my head, and then I see relief as he never wants to get into what is going on with me. Especially if it is about him. Almost anything else he can handle and be supportive.

We have gone for periods without talking, and I know he prefers that to disagreements. Early in our relationship, I told him that our relationship was feeling more like a roommate situation, and I wasn't interested. Then I said, even a roommate would initiate conversation once in a while.

I feel him looking at me as I am writing. He says nothing, so I push what I have written over to him, and he reads it. Sometimes I will read to him when it has something about him, as I don't publish anything with him in it that he hasn't approved of.

As he reads, he looks concerned and then shows a smile on his face, and then he hands it back and shakes his head in approval. He approves of 95% of what I write about him. The things he doesn't like, I change to suit him or find a way to make it less harsh-sounding.

I want to believe we will make it through this. I can't help but think it is affecting my health, though. This has been a rough year for me, and he says it is A G E as I am turning 70 soon.

Time to start to write this, so I place my dishes in the sink and feel him behind me. He reaches for me and with an embrace of love and kindness and a kiss that says I love you, I am okay again for a while. Until next time..