A Load of Bull Part IV: Best Served Cold

Cold.

Biting, freezing, gripping cold.

I've heard some say that freezing to death isn't the worst way to go, that you just close your eyes and give in to it. Just fall asleep and let it take you.

Yeah, that's bullshit. Have you ever met someone who froze to death? Me either.

It may sound funny, but when the cold first gets its hooks into you, there is a burning sensation, like a fever. Then the pain comes, like a million needles pricking over every square inch of your body as it steals your very breath away. That said, it also didn’t help that I was also drowning. I should have just stayed in the tavern with the pitcher of ale.

Goodbye beautiful world, full of beautiful women and beautiful ale. It was nice knowing you.

The next thing I felt was heat, which wouldn't have been so alarming if my feet didn't feel like they were about to catch fire. I supposed I always had a suspicion this is where I would go.

"Not so close to the hearth, you idiot!" a very familiar voice exclaimed. "You had Casreus's foot nearly in the flames!"

"Doing the best I can here - just be glad I was able to get you all out in time." I heard someone else reply.

I shot up, gasping, into a sitting position, in time to see Rikin pull my feet away from the hearth and a half-elf in a blue cloak laying Rhakuri by the hearth next to myself and Gexis.

"Tyrben!" I managed as I processed everything. "Never would I have thought you would be the one to save my life, not that I'm not extremely grateful to be delivered from becoming a tiefling popsicle."

"You're welcome, kind patron." Tyrben replied with a smile as he wrung out his cloak over a mop bucket. "Was less luck than my curiosity at what sort of folk would have the audacity to run out the door before the conclusion of my performance." He added as he feigned hurt feelings, his fierce blue eyes full of sincerity.

"Good morning, sunshine." Rikin grinned at me as he lay his socks by the hearth to dry. "Glad to see you're awake and hale. Oh, and, what's a popsicle?"

"It's what we almost were." I grinned back at him. "So Tyrben believes in saving the children first, I'm guessing?"

"Ha ha." Rikin continued smiling. "But no. Gexis managed to toss me just before going under, and Tyrben was already halfway to the pond when I cut back around to find help."

Tyrben and Rikin filled me in on how he had secured one end of a rope to a sturdy pear tree by the pond and the other end to himself, then pulled us out one at a time. As they were recounting the events of the evening, Rhakuri and Gexis both awakened and joined us as we dumped water from our boots and dried our clothes by the hearth fire.

The next few days went by rather quietly as we recovered from our overly eventful night. We stayed in rooms above the tavern, and as we waited out the blizzard, we spent our time telling Tyrben about our adventure so far and planning out our next move regarding our target, who must have seen us coming. The good news was, if we were stuck because of the storm, he should be stuck somewhere close by, too - or so we hoped. Our entire plan would hang on conjecture.

One of those assumptions, to Gexis's dismay, was that our target sorcerer had a particular liking for Dragonborn ladies, and as there were none around, we would have to make do.

"No way am I letting you polymorph me into anything, much less a female," Gexis said, sporting his best grimace, "not after your long history of blunders. Besides, what of my pride?"

"Do you have any better ideas?" I asked, "Just do it for your sister. Or honor, or whatever. Besides, it's the best I've got if the guy is even still around."

"Harrumph. Fine." Gexis replied. "But only for my sister and for clan Eralasar. Still, no polymorph."

"There is another way." Rhakuri chimed in, not trying to hide her amusement. "I have some things that may work - with some altercations, of course..."

"I, uh, may have some things that can help, too." Rikin grinned slyly as he started digging through his Bag of Holding.

"I'm not even going to ask." I grinned back at him as Gexis's frown deepened and Rhakuri shook her head incredulously.

We set things in motion. Rikin was sent to survey the area between the pond and the building we were being led to, in part because he could easily stay hidden, but mostly because he wouldn't stop laughing at Gexis and Gexis was threatening to turn him into a back sheathe for his great axe.

"This really is an awful plan," Rhakuri whispered to me a bit later as we moved into our positions to carry it out, "I just went along because seeing Gexis like this is quite hilarious."

Gexis was looking quite unamused in a long, lavender women's dress coat with fur around the sleeves and collar and a large wool hat with a bow on it to match. He stood out in the clearing past the pond in front of the stone building as discussed while the rest of us remained hidden behind a few nearby trees after drinking a few Potions of Invisibility, compliments of Tyrben. Now we owed him our lives and a small fortune to boot. Rhakuri had possession of Gexis's great axe since she was the only other one in our group capable of wielding it, and she could easily toss it to him if, and when, the next part of our plan occurred.

"Now what do I do?" asked Gexis as quietly as he could manage for us to still hear him.

"I don't know, pretend you're watching the snow birds, build a snow dragonborn or something." I said as I shrugged and Rikin stifled his laughter from his hiding place. "Sorry, I never quite fleshed that part of the plan out."

"Really, really awful plan." Rhakuri reiterated.

"Did you think you could fool me with that lamentable disguise, Gexis Eralasar?" a voice boomed from the direction of the stone building. "Did you honestly believe this ruse would deceive the great sorcerer Xavzalalananfirithenas?!"

I bit my tongue as Rikin burst out laughing.

"Man, your parents really must have hated you," Rikin said, fully aware he had given himself away. "Imagine having to spell that on your first day of school! All the other kids would have to wait a tenday for you to finish!" he guffawed again.

Gexis wasted no time tossing away the garments used in his failed disguise as the sorcerer appeared on the roof of the stone building. He was very striking and tall for a half-elf, and he was garbed in a long, flowing violet, hooded robe with silver embroidery. His hair was the same silver as the embroidery, and flames of madness burned in his eyes.

"I know of you, also, little one." the sorcerer directed at Rikin. "Do not presume to mock me, for I will enlighten you on the depths of my power."

"Come say that a little bit closer," Rikin replied as he made his way across branches to one of the other tree-tops, "that is, if you can find me, Zafsa-whatever you call yourself!"

"As you wish," the sorcerer said as he cast Levitate and started his descent to the ground, "now witness the malms between us, gnat!"

He immediately cast a second spell, Hold Person, on Gexis as soon as he landed, holding up one hand to do so.

"Now!" I shouted from my place behind the tree before bolting out and using Polymorph to once again transform into the King of Dinosaurs.

Rikin quickly threw three throwing knives in succession to break the sorcerer's concentration, freeing Gexis from his spell. Rhakuri called on the blessing of Re-Horakhty, imbuing her sword and shield with protection as she charged out from the other side and tossed Gexis's great axe to him as we came at him from all sides. Just before we could reach him, however, he cast Acid Splash and hurled it in our direction as he backed away.

"Scatter!" Rhakuri yelled, holding up her shield to block the damaging acid bubble.

Some of the acid splash hit the tree Rikin was in, causing the tree to fall and Rikin with it. The sorcerer followed up with Ray of Frost, which slammed into me and slowed me to a crawl, taking me out of the fight temporarily as Gexis ran and took a dive to catch Rikin. Rhakuri charged forward to Shield Bash our opponent, but was knocked to the ground by Shocking Grasp on contact. Before any of us could do anything, the sorcerer then cast Magic Missile, hitting Gexis, Rikin and myself.

The situation was looking bleak. I was still moving slower than a snail while my friends were injured on the ground, and the sorcerer clearly had the upper hand as he stood there smirking and ready to cast another damaging spell.

Good thing we made a new friend.

Thwap! Thwap!

Suddenly the sorcerer stumbled forward with a confused look on his face, then started reaching for his back as he turned back toward the stone house just in time for Tyrben to let fly another arrow from his bow, this time sinking it into the sorcerer's right shoulder with another "Thwap!". He had hidden behind the house, waiting for us to cause enough distraction for him to get a clear shot.

Ray of Frost wore off and I ended the polymorph, returning back to my normal, handsome tiefling self. As the sorcerer fell to his knees in pain, he moved his hands and started to cast another spell, possibly one to heal himself, but I gave him a taste of his own medicine and silenced him with Frostbite.

"I don't know how this ridiculous plan worked," Rhakuri grinned as we surrounded the debilitated sorcerer, "but I'm glad it did."

"All thanks to our dear new friend Tyrben!" I said as Tyrben took a flourishing bow.

"And Gexis!" Rikin laughed. "Don't forget how pretty he was!"

"So shameful, my part." Gexis replied, tightening his grip on his great axe as he cast a mean look at Rikin, then looked back to the sorcerer. "But all for the name of my clan."

"Any last words?" I asked the sorcerer as I kicked him over and looked him in the eyes where I was surprised to see the flames of madness had not faltered in the least.

"I'll come for your sister in the next life, tiefling." He replied with an arrogant smirk.

"I don't have a sister, dumbass." I retorted, but his grin never left even as I waved on Gexis to finish this business involving his family honor.

It was over in a single swing of his great axe.

Back at the tavern, we all drank in celebration of our victory - a satisfying end to our journey.

"For clan Eralasar!" Gexis cheered.

"For clan Eralasar!" the rest of us shouted in unison.

After a while things calmed in the tavern and I found myself staring into the flames of the hearth, pondering the events of the day. What if, somewhere out there, I really do have a sister?

"Hey, Casreus." Rikin said, bringing me back from my wandering thoughts. "We finally took out the evil sorcerer, and that was our big adventure for so long, so - what's next?"

"That's a good question, Rikin." I replied. "We handled Gexis's family business. Now it may be time we looked into mine."

And if you don't know what that means for tieflings, you may not want to know.