A Dream that Never Was

I had been awake the whole night, daydreaming about our new life. My father, mother, and I would plan everyday what we would do in New York. The excitement of knowing we were almost there had me restless. As my mother and my father were sound asleep, I had been repeating my fathers words over and over in my head, "This is our dream! We have made it!"

My eyes were beginning to get heavy as sleep was almost a pawn me and then, a thud interrupted the lull moment. The ship made a hollow groan making way into my peaceful fantasy. A spike of adrenaline had erased sleep within me. The pit of my stomach started to feel uneasy. What on earth had interrupted the ease of the night?

I tried to control the panic that rushed through my head into my stomach. I could hear the engines of the ship at its steady pace. Nothing seem to be off-putting after that. I started to relax.

In a moment it became silent. It wasn't a comforting silence. I no longer heard the ships engine.

The room had become uncomfortable and closing into my nervous thoughts. I got up from my bed and went to the window. It was so small for me to have a good view and it was dark. All I could see was the mist and the reflection of the ships lights. I could feel that the window was very cold from the outside weather.

Bang, bang, bang. I turned around at the direction of our door. Someone knocked on one of the doors outside the hallway. It must of been a few doors away from ours. Bang, bang, bang goes another but closer.

I ran to my fathers side of the bed were he laid next to my mother.

"Father! Somethings happening!" I was terrified now.

"What is it?", he said very sleepily. "What's wrong dear?"

BANG, BANG, BANG went our door this time.

My father sprung out of bed. He hurried to the door and open it with great urgency.

A man in uniform was standing there looking alert. "Sorry for interrupting your nights sleep. I've been ordered to awake everyone and have them go to the great staircase. Please have your family there admittedly." He didn't stay to say more and hurried away.

Father took action in a seconds time. He ran to mothers side and awoke her with the most he could to not distress her. Mother sat up from the bedside while father grabbed robes for all of us. I stood there not knowing what I should do. I watched my father and mother get ready as fast as they could. My mother was still at a daze from being woken so fast and had to follow father's orders.

"Lizzie, put on your robe and grab hold of your mother please." Father was now speaking to me to take action.

I did as I was told. I rushed to my mothers side and helped her move towards the door of our cabin.

A wailing moan from the ship made me shiver. People in the hallway were rushing in the same direction. My mother and I didn't go into the crowd until my father was at our side.

"Let's go now." My father ordered.

I hold on to my mothers hand as my father was behind protected us from the people pushing on all sides. Everyone was shouting, children crying, trying to get to the grand staircase in a hurry. My mother's hand started shaking within my palm. We were in chaos.

As we got to the grand staircase, I looked at the beauty of this high sculptured art. Even in distress of the people in terror, it shown elegantly in gold. I remembered when I boarded the ship and walked into its presentence, the staircase took my breath away.

A hard push into my shoulder of a woman rushing pass holding her child broke the image. I stumbled to catch my balance that made me distance my hand from my mothers. I was caught by father's arm before I would be lost in the crowd. I found my mother's hand once more when I was in place of our huddle.

We stopped at a spot underneath the magnificent staircase. Father had his arms around my mother and I.

"We are fine, don't stress my love." My father whimpered into my mother ear.

He could feel my mother shaking as well as I can. I looked up at my father and he smiled down at me. A tear went down my cheek as I wanted to smile back but couldn't. His arm pulled me closer to him. This made me feel save and believed he wouldn't let anything happen to us.

Suddenly, music filled the room. I glanced from my father's hug and there on the other side of the lounge an orchestra was playing. In a situation as this, they played? I was confused. The crowd of panic people had became calm as the music started to take away worry.

It was like this for a few minutes. My mother was shaking less now and my father had loosen his arm around us. Everyone was now talking in normal tones, no longer shouting. If only the moment had last a while longer.

An other uniform gentleman walked into the lounge. He looked uneasy with anxious eyes. All of the talking stopped as the presentence of the man had everyone's attention.

"I need everyone to load up to the deck as quickly and carefully as you can. We are going to be a boarding lifeboats." He said as confident as he could.

Panic hit the crowd once more and my fathers arm became tight around my mother and I again. I heard my mother asking my father something that was hard to hear.

"We will all go in a second my love." My father answered.

My father nudged us toward as he felt it was safe to make way to the deck. We walked as carefully as we could with the shoving crowd. The horrible sounds of shouting passengers and officers build a wall of anxiety within me. As we got closer to the outside, I could feel the chill of wind.

The cold hit us and all together shivered as we finally got to the deck. We walked toward to crowd but far enough to not get lost in it.

"Lower the boat!" A officer shouted.

There on the side of the ship people sat in a lifeboat. Men lowered the boat until I could no longer see it. We walked further down. Lifeboats were being boarded. My father started he push us a little faster.

"We will get on the next one down the line." Father informed us. "Come on lets go a little quicker."

All of us started to walk a fast pace. There was a lifeboat up ahead.

"Women and children only!" A young officer said as we got up to the boat.

"No my father needs to be us!" I said with fear.

He ignore my plea. Women started boarding with their children. I started to cry. One by one we inched our way closer to the lifeboat. My father was still holding on to us. We were next to board.

"Sir, women and children only! You need to step back!" Ordered the officer.

"No my father is coming with us!" Tears were now falling down my face.

I turned to my father to see if he would reason with the officer. He looked at my mother and I with sadness in his eyes. His arms hug us as tight as he could. Father kissed my mother and I on the cheek.

"Everything will be ok. I'll be on the next one. Lizzie hold on to your mother. Remember our dream." he encouraged.

Father loosened his hug and pushed us toward the boat. I grabbed onto his hand. People started pushing to get into the boat and made me loose my grip. Mother hold me as we were boarding.

"Help please! Anybody please my father is still on board. He needs to be with us!" I screamed at the men lowering the life boat my mother and I were in. They all were shouting towards each other. I couldn't hear them if they were going to put my father with us. The boat never stopped and I panicked. "Please stop, my father is right there! Can you see him? We have room! Father, tell them!"

I looked up at my father and he smiled. That shocked me. I turned towards my mother who was holding me. She feared I was going to try to jump after him. Her eyes had tears pouring down making her face glossy from the light of the ships window. She was smiling too and she shouted, "I love you dear! We will be waiting for you!"

-

"Lizzie?" Mother asked, "Are you going to eat?"

It has been a full year. Tomorrow would be actual day that would mark one year of that horrible nightmare. Everyday I would internally feel the cold winds, panic, rush, and the heartbreak I had experienced. A year never closed those doors of pain. My father's smile haunts me as I saw it everywhere.

"Lizzie!" Mother was now annoyed. "You need to eat, this week has got you looking skin and bone."

I took my eyes off the scene of the window outside to glance at my mother who was sitting opposite from me. She had a look of concern with a hint of frustration made her face winkle inwards. The breakfast was sitting on the table looking less fresh as the minutes go by not being touched.

"You need to eat dear." pleaded mother. "Please for me."

I was now in a state where I only ate for my mothers sake. I picked up the spoon and started to slowly sip at my cold breakfast.

I remember breakfast was my favorite meal. Father use to make the mornings be a bright start. He would tell me stories of his work with all the men assigned to build the ship of dreams. I was always worried about the dangers of the job but he would ease my mind with he statement of "I'm the best of the best." Each would have him look proud and confident that nothing would happen.

Father was lost with the ship. Along with many others he was never found. It broke my mother and I for loosing him.

I stopped eating and looked back at the window that shown buildings of New York.

"This is our dream! We have made it!" An ego of my father's voice said in my head.

Tears started to flood my eyes.

"Dear, you don't have to eat anymore." Mother said. "You may be excuse from the table dear."

She knew why I haven't been myself lately. I haven't been myself ever since that night but this week took what was left.

I got up not saying anything and headed to my room. My room was upstairs. I saw the stairway and an image of the grand staircase flashed into my mind. My heart went heavy at the memory. I took off upstairs with my past chasing me.

Finally in my room I laid in my bed. I never shut the door. I fear the ghost of the officer would knock on it just like that night. My mother makes sure she doesn't close it after wishing me a goodnights sleep. She made that mistake a month ago and I screamed in fear.

Bath times are the worse. The tub of water would sink into my memory and I could hear screams and cries of the passengers. My mother would have to give me sponge baths. I don't know if I would ever be able to have a normal bath again.

I survived physically but sank mentally with the ship. A dream we had as a family would never be.