A Broken Mom

Maria had low self esteem. She married a man by the name of Shawn at the age of 23. She had been in love with Shawn for all of her teenage years. Living in 1970’s Port Au Prince, Haiti, status would depend on money and skin color. Those who were of lighter skin tone were seen to be privileged over those who were with a darker complexion. Being that Maria had skin as dark as night, she fell for Shawn who had skin as yellow as the sun.

Maria came from a rich family. Her family owned land and built their own home. Her mother was a U.S. citizen and worked a decent job. Maria was very privileged but didn't have the skin to show it. Shawn on the other hand came from a poor background. He was a village boy who lived with his aunt shortly after his mother died. Maria and Shawn became high school sweethearts, this of course, initiated by Maria. She saw Shawn and put him on a pedestal all because she admired him for his skin. What Maria didn’t know was that Shawn envied her for her family and their riches. Maria would spoil Shawn with linen and trinkets but it was never enough to buy his love.

When Maria turned 16, her mother gave her the chance to become a US citizen. Maria being so in love with Shawn, she didn’t want to end the relationship so, she decided to continue dating Shawn long distance. Maria promised Shawn that she would come back for him and they would be together again. Maria moved to the big apple, New York City, where she reunited with her mother and met her mother’s new husband. Maria spent her last year in an American high school learning a new language, making new friends but had always kept Shawn in mind. Shawn, who was back in Haiti, didn’t keep the same intentions. Word would get back to Maria that Shawn had another girlfriend. This did not deter Maria but instead caused her to be more persistent in getting Shawn citizenship in the U.S.

Maria’s mom was very co dependent on Maria working. She would take Maria’s earnings and never encouraged her to go to college. Maria spent two years working and giving her mother her earnings after graduating high school. Also, Maria’s step dad would make sexual advances towards her. When she told her mother of this, she would be called a liar in return. At this time, Maria really missed Shawn and made a decision to travel back to Haiti. While she was happy to see Shawn, Shawn was not happy to see her. Shawn was still very envious of Maria and felt that she was showing off now that she became a U.S. citizen. Maria didn’t sense this envious energy from him. The two were a couple again and became pregnant with their first child.

With the birth of this child came the opportunity for Shawn to become a U.S. citizen. Maria got her wish, they were together again and this time for good. She gave birth to a girl and they got married soon after. Maria’s mother was not happy about this union and wore black to the wedding. Maria’s mother and Shawn did not get along and so, Shawn mentioned to Maria that they move to Boston. And so, they did.

Their marriage pummeled into a downward spiral. Their love became very toxic. Shawn would disgrace Maria for her dark skin and cheated on her all throughout the marriage. Soon after, Shawn was not only mentally and emotionally abusive but became physically abusive. By this time their 4 year old daughter, Brandy, would repeatedly witness Shawn beating Maria with a belt. After their second child, which was another girl, Shawn became angry with Maria because he wished for a boy. He divorced Maria and left her with two little children. He did not pay child support and walked away from all responsibilities.

At this point, Maria wanted to take her life. She would mope around hoping for death. She would pray so loud for death that her daughters would hear her. She would go as far as to blame her daughters for Shawn’s departure. Maria didn’t take time to heal from the divorce. Instead she constantly jumped into relationships, bringing different men around her daughters.