312 Gainfully Employed
For Thursday, November 7, Day 312 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge
I was unemployed for years, but I finally got some help at the unemployment office. That is, I was hired by the Unemployment Office as an employed employee. W-2, benefits, and everything.
The irony is not lost on me. Especially since my iron was broken and, for that interview, I couldn't iron my shirt. (Dare I say it—make it irony.)
As I take in the paperwork from those unemployed—paperwork being the only work they can do in their present state—yes, they present themselves to me, but they're no present to me, because then I have to work on their paperwork—but, as I take in the paperwork from those unemployed, I find it amusing that they are so bemused. And just because they're benighted doesn't mean they've been knighted, even though the Unemployment Office is only open during the day.
When I stamp their applications I stomp their aspirations. After all, what can they do for everyone else? What can they contribute to society? And if genius is 10% imagination and 90% perspiration, doesn't that imply that all geniuses have body odor? Are offensive? I can smell inspiration from a mile away. And thus, deodorant stifles innovation.
Puns are punny, but are they really funny? They can reel you in, but does that make them really, funny or otherwise?
So I blow my nose at those in repose, because a rose by any other name smells with the same 90% perspiration of genuine genius. I prepare to pare a pair of pears, prepare to import them importantly — gastronomically, biochemically astronomically—and saver the saber fruition of fructose.
What qualifies me to make puns? What is it about me that qualifies me to contuse refuse with bemusement? Can I be t'rusted in the t'rain when the tr'oxygen reacts with tr'iron and tr'oxidizes it? I tr'ink not. It's not what I would say. It's s'not.
No, nay, neigh (the flying horse calling the horse fly), what quantifies my qualification to be so damn punny is that I am a Dad.
When having children, the sense of humor enters a Chrysler-sized chrysalis and emerges funnily and punnily with only 10% of what it began with, which is genius!
Dads rule.
__________
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
For Thursday, November 7, Day 312 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge.
366 WORDS (without A/N)
55 DAYS TO GO! THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT PUNS ON, 366 GROANS A DAY.
There are currently three Vocal writers in this 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:
• L.C. (Runny) Schäfer
• Rachel (Sunny) Deeming
• Gerard (S'not!) DiLeo
About the Creator
Gerard DiLeo
Retired, not tired. Hippocampus, behave!
Make me rich! https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/
My substrack at https://substack.com/@drdileo
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insights
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
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Comments (7)
Well-wrought! Our work here is PUN, but our work is never done! Now I'll make like a tree and leave...
This is a great piece, and it's pretty funny.
Omg…you got that out of me, something I do not like writing . But damn this was full of puns and such a dad vibe how could I not groan and like it
Snot hahahahahaha. Loved your word play in your story!
That was incredible. I needed this slice of humour today. Thank you.
Another masterful wordsmith piece. Well done, Gerard - and funny, too!
The best dad jokes are painful and funny in equal measure. I’m pleased to report that your story painfully funny. Which is far better than funnily painful!