311 The Day After, Just Without Zombies (or, Is it?)
For Wednesday, November 6, Day 311 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge.
Note: this author is currently out of commission preparing to leave the country, but not because of the election yesterday. As such, I had to write this in two versions:
1. If Harris won
2. If Trump won
IF HARRIS WON:
Not to flaunt it, but today is National Nacho Day. I look to our southern border and offer cheese peace on tortilla!
Today is National Stress Awareness Day, and now that Trump has lost, I realize how much stress I was under before today. I can feel the plaque in my coronary arteries attenuating as I write.
Today is also the day that Project 2025 is relegated to a footnote in history. So, it looks like we'll have education in this country, a Department of Justice, a CDC and vaccines, and a Russian military up shit's creek without a paddle (but with North Koreans or, as Kim Un calls 'em, cannon fodder for tradin' nuclear secrets).
Today is also Saxophone Day, but I don't know how that figures into anything, except that Bill Clinton seems happy blowing. (With apologies to White House interns.)
IF TRUMP WON:
Then this is Day One: the day he promised he'll be a dictator. From dick to dicktator in one day—quite the success story!
Goodbye education. Goodbye due process. Hello Mr. (do anything you want 'cause you're immune to prosecution) President. Goodbye vaccines; hello measles, mumps, diptheria, polio, small pox, and the conspirational CDC. Hello we-never-landed-on-the-moon. Welcome flat-Earthers, grassy knolls, and those warning us of the chips in government shots.
OK, I'm a fan of space program, so Hello, Mars! Will Trump go there?
Today is Marooned without a Compass Day, and I'm feeling a little disoriented, especially about True North on America's moral compass. But then, the Earth's flat, right? So it doesn't really matter.
Today, I point out again, is National Stress Awareness Day, and—Oh! I'm aware! I am so aware. I know where all the taco cheese we didn't use went—right to my coronary arteries and the rest of my cardiovascular system. Fries for everyone!
Did I mention today is National Basketball Day? No? He loooves basketball, along with all the other things. Except folks like me.
______________
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
For Wednesday, National Nacho Day, National Stress Awareness Day, Saxophone Day, Marooned without a Compass Day, National Basketball Day, November 6, Day 311 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge.
366 WORDS (without A/N)
56 DAYS TO GO! THIS CONSTITUTION WOBBLES ON, 366 WARRANTS A DAY.
There are currently three Vocal writers in this 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:
• L.C. (Huh?) Schäfer
• Rachel (Really?) Deeming
• Gerard (What—me worry?) DiLeo
__________
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This was supposed to come out tomorrow, Wednesday, November 6, Day 311 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge. Btut... I submitted it today for Sarah Parkers unoff. challenge at https://shopping-feedback.today/writers/election-day-unofficial-challenge%3C/a%3E.
56 DAYS TO GO! THIS ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE EATS ON, 366 BRAINS A DAY.
There are currently three Vocal writers in this 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:
About the Creator
Gerard DiLeo
Retired, not tired. Hippocampus, behave!
Make me rich! https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/
My substrack at https://substack.com/@drdileo
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Comments (12)
no comments please!
While we can still laugh, albeit darkly, there is hope. Can I sense your presence this side of the pond? Am I getting a whiff of that DiLeo magic?
This is both hilarious and unsettling, making me laugh and squirm at the same time. You’ve captured the absurdity of it all perfectly—fantastic work! And congratulations on making top story.Very deserved!!
Well-deserved Top Story! As others mentioned, this is both funny and not funny at the same time. I think you do a great job capturing the reality of the situation with humor!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
This is and isn't funny. Except for the Whitehouse intern part. That's still funny. Congrats on the TS.
Congrats on top story!
Great response to Sarah's prompt. Unfortunately, you'll not be allowed free speech much longer without threat of retaliation, so you'd best behave - or leave the country (because of the election).
This is a fantastic piece. It's very creative and funny. :) Also, good job keeping up with that story-a-day challenge—that's very impressive, honestly!
Hahahahahahaha this was hilarious!
Enjoy your time away: hope you still do one a day. This will be interesting read in 24 hours ( perhaps maybe longer)
I should have waited to read this when the election ended with somebody actually elected. But since that won’t be like another couple weeks I figured why wait till the apocalypse and polio to return for some chuckles? This would be funnier if it wasn’t so damn true!