302 The MISS NRA Beauty Pageant
For (I-HATE-MONDAYS) MONDAY, October 28, Day 302 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge
“Guns and bikinis, Mel. Doesn’t get any better than that.”
“Right, Bob. Welcome, everyone, I’m Mel Manrod.”
“And I’m Bob Wynotski.” [Applause.]
“When Charlton Heston’s “cold, dead hands” were pried from his rifle, it was time to get nearly naked women involved. Welcome to the Miss NRA Beauty Pageant. Guns and beautiful women—like in TV crime dramas—in bikinis with smoking pistols. Crime magazine covers—in bras. Everyone, please extend a smokin' welcome for these smokin' hot babes on our smokin' “gunway.” [Applause.]
“They’re pissed.”
“And heavily armed."
"Miss Smith and Wesson?”
“The more guns we have, the better America gets. God bless the NRA.” [Applause.]
“Miss AK-47?”
“Well, with our 2nd Amendmen, we can even make a second 2nd Amendment!” [She ululates, firing her AK-47 into the air. All the girls brandish arms and lock n' load. Applause.]
“Cocky tonight, Bob?”
“Sure are, Mel. They stand their ground. But it's Atlantic City, gals, not Tallahassee!” [Laughter.]
“We’re just the messengers! Bring out Miss Beretta."
“Albert Einstein said genius is 20% perspiration and 85% something. It worked for him 'cause he's American! And had lots of guns. Look it up. God bless just us.” [Applause.]
“Miss Howitzer?”
“Jesus is coming soon. People without guns'll be sorry!” [Applause.]
“Miss Saturday Night Special?”
“This gun-totin’ country is great.” [Applause.] “Students volunteer at old folks' homes to clean their guns. Everyone should work at gunpoint. What a country!” [Applause.]
“Miss Self-Defense?”
“I enjoy flashes in the dark, strafing home invaders. That’s the 2nd Amendment!” [Applause.] “Go Amendments!” [Applause.]
“Miss Shoot-from-the-Hip?”
“I only know makeup, hairspray, and revealing bathing suits that aren’t all that revealing if you’re looking for nipples!” [Applause.]
“I am.”
“Me, too, Bob.” [Laughter.]
“We’re here lookin' good, soundin' good, and bein' hot—with guns. Go America.” [Slow clap begins.]
“Hear that, Bob? Brains, too!”
“I don’t think you want brains, Mel.” [Laughter.] "And she's armed.”
“They're all, Bob.”
“You know I am.”
“Makes you wonder if we’ll ever have a mass shooting at this pageant.”
“Guns don’t kill people, Mel, women do.” [Applause.]
“Better by hot chicks with guns. That’s just hot!” [Applause continues.]
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AUTHOR'S NOTES:
For (I HATE MONDAYS) MONDAY, October 28, Day 302 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge
366 WORDS (without A/N)
64 DAYS TO GO! THIS CHALLENGE BLASTS ON, 366 ROUNDS A DAY.
There are currently three heavily armed Vocal writers in this 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge, just linin' up their sights:
• L.C. Schäfer ("Trigger-Finger")
• Rachel Deeming ("Stick-'em-Up!")
• Gerard DiLeo (Firing Blanks)
About the Creator
Gerard DiLeo
Retired, not tired. Hippocampus, behave!
Make me rich! https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/
My substrack at https://substack.com/@drdileo
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Comments (3)
Firing blanks!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Your story was so hilarious and creative!
What a great piece of satire, that unfortunately, rings all too true in many ways. Your point makes a profound impact - at least with me.
I loved Manrod. Not a fan pf the sticks though 🤯