287 The Worst Man in the World

Carlin knew he couldn't be the worst man in the world. When you are the worst man in the world, you'd just know it. How could you not?

He was weaselly, conniving, and for the most part nocturnal, where most pejorative things reside. He knew how to exploit others' weaknesses. He profited from others' losses and knew when those losses were likely to happen. Sometimes he even helped those losses come about, which was entertaining (bonus!). He'd sidestep tragedy and wouldn't look back.

Despite self-denial, he really was the worst man in the world. "Not me!" he declared. "There must be people worse." Ignorance was bliss. Deliberate ignorance was smart.

One day he met someone worse.

He was aghast, for now he had a basis for comparison. In a way he was relieved. Not realizing you're the worst person in the world is merciful if you don't find out you were the worst until after you're that no longer. He had gotten a pass.

"I stand in awe," Carlin told her awfulness. "You make me a better man."

She laughed at him, which was in keeping with her being the absolute worst. But he liked this promotion up and away from the worst. So he married her.

They were the worst couple in the world.

They improved by having children who were even worse. Soon, as the range of quality varied among the children of the next generations, they crossed paths with some fine couples moving lower on the list in the hierarchy. Rising up while assuming the vacancies of those moving down doubled their progress. As such, they moved up rapidly.

Their children redefined new levels of bad, worse, and worst. Once they had a wonderful child, but his rise was so meteoric that they never saw him again.

One day, Carlin insisted there be a family meeting.

"We're better than this!" he declared. His wife and children were confused, because they knew they weren't.

"There you go, thinking you're better than everyone else?" his wife argued.

"One way to find out," their oldest daughter said, whereupon she slew him. When they found they had moved up, they finally had to accept the awful truth.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Sunday, October 13, Day 287 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

Companion piece to yesterday's "The Greatest Man in the World."

366 WORDS (without A/N)

79 DAYS TO GO! THIS CHALLENGE FIRES ON, 366 NOTCHES A DAY.

There are currently three Vocal writers remaining in this hierarchy of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer (Irresistible)

• Rachel Deeming (Immoveable)

• Gerard DiLeo (Inimical)