255 Peanut Butter and Jealousy: Lunchables 13, 1-16

"For you shall worship no other god, for the Lord...is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14).

"Psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely...And when you're really lonely, the peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth." (You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown)

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or angels, but do not have peanut butter, I am only a clanging cymbal.

2 If I have the gift of prophecy and fathom all mysteries and knowledge, and have a faith that moves mountains, but do not have jelly, I am nothing.

3 If I give all I possess away and give my body to hardship to boast, but do not trade my lunch, I gain nothing.

4 God is love, but love is jelly. God is omnipotent, but peanut butter is all-sticking.

5 Love is sticky, and it sticks to the roof of your mouth, remaining long past the deglutition of jelly.

6 Protein and sugars are the nutrition of love.

7 Love delights not in tartness but rejoices with the pasty reminders hours later from gnashing teeth. It always sticks, always sweetens, always comes in brown paper bags, and always perseveres as fair barter at lunchtime.

8 Love never fails. But prophecies will cease; where tongues smack and cannot be unstuck; where there is knowledge good and evil, as PBJ and broccoli, respectively. Verily, vegetables will perish.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10 but when the alchemy of peanuts and grapes come together, their separateness will disappear.

11 When I was a child, I ate like a child, I tasted like a child, I digested like a child. When I became a man, I couldn't put the ways of childhood behind me.

12 Yet, now we must watch waistlines. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: proteins, fats, and starches. But the greatest of these is the love for the sticky with the sweet.

14 And fear not! For there is Jardiance.

15 And the Lord saw that it was good.

16 Like peanut butter and jealousy.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Wednesday, September 11, Day 255 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Accompaniment photo was forcibly merged, but the love was not.

ABOUT THIS STORY:

Another religious satire, based on the most cited scripture read aloud at weddings, 1 Corinthians 13:

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I followed the verses line by line, but sideways. If God is Love and Love is not jealous, and God is a jealous God, well, I'm conflicted. Anyone hungry?

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THIS CHALLENGE MARCHES ON, 366 PEANUTS AT A TIME.

There are currently three surviving, fibrous, shelled Vocal writers still crackerjacking in the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer (Preserves)

• Rachel Deeming (Conserves)

• Gerard DiLeo (Undeserves)