235 The Wicked Witch Babysitting Service

Your last chance for the baddest little boys and girls.™

Has every babysitter stormed out on you? Has even the most reasonable custodial care used convenient, unreasonable restraints to tie up your child/children? We're not afraid!

Some of our clients have included little Charlie Manson, Regan, Adolphs Eichmann and Hitler, Jimmy Swaggart, Mr. Hyde's bad-ass kids, Calvin, Jeffy Dahmer, Richie Speck, Dennie Rodman, and the Pillsbury Doughboy's evil twin.

We're unflappable and know all of the latest disciplinary techniques, from asceticism all the way to depilation. We're 4th Bestiary Class impalers and all of our sitters have advanced degrees in Bulbous Actuation, which is pretty scary when you think about it.

We don't just use idle threats—we bring 'em to fruition for the li'l shitlings. Sassing will be a thing of the past, f'sure!

DISCLAIMER:

Threatening to use the Wicked Witch Baby-Sitting Service on your kids without actually hiring one of our fine, rancid witches is a violation punishable by a stiff fine. If you've ever ordered a Coke, only to have the waiter ask, "Pepsi OK?," you know what we mean. Most child psychologists and behavior modification specialists feel that if it's bad enough to threaten 'em with the Wicked Witch Baby-Sitting Service, then it's bad enough to USE the Wicked Witch Baby-Sitting Service. Now you know.

QUESTIONNAIRE:

Pleas answer the following to see if we'd be a good fit for your l'il bastid:

• Do you drive a Prius?
• Do you not believe in capital punishment?
• Are you able to have more children, just in case?

PREPARING FOR THE WICKED WITCH BEFORE HER ARRIVAL:

Before an assignment, we recommend the following for each of your children:

1) Extreme Unction (again, just in case)

2) "Hold harmless" release for accidents, personality alterations, depression, death, or bad eating habits. (Anything that is harmless just won't work, trust us.)

3) $150 deposit--It ain't cheap!

Enjoy that night out—you deserve it! Why should just all of the other parents have fun? When you feel it's YOUR turn, turn to YOUR LAST CHANCE for the baddest little boys and girls.™

...The Wicked Witch Baby-Sitting Service

1-800-EAT-KIDS

Uretha Utoirn, Supporter of the Venerable Walls of Vespa, CEO and Chief Bulbous Actuator

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Thursday, August 22, Day 235 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Accompaniment photos were AI-generated but the bulbous actuation was not.

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THIS CHALLENGE HEXES ON, 366 CURSES AT A TIME...

There are currently three surviving prolific, myopic, bioptic, meiopic, mitotic, and necromantic Vocal rubber bands still in the cauldron in the insane, inane, hex-agonal 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, (cauldron stirrer)

• Rachel Deeming (the pot)

• Gerard DiLeo (kettle-black-caller)

Read them. Support them. Fear them!