#229: hemeEnsley®

The Ensley® Foundation

Wishful Thinking...Through Chemistry™

(Old Motto: Serving themselves since 1992.)

The Ensley® Foundation began inauspiciously as the Tru-Grip Inflatable Woman Factory, but wavered due to inflation. Even with the unqualified success of Suzy Sucklipt, Borrelia Fleshpott, and the incredible "Chateau-of-Her-No-No-Below," profits were flaccid.

Then there were all of those those suspicious reports of cheap motel spontaneous combustions, wherein profits blew up altogether. When Wham-O! turned down the stuff because they thought it was too silly (if you can imagine), bankruptcy ensued before everyone else sued, too.

And the rest, as they say, was history...

Peter Harper, an environmental lackadaise, bought the company for literally lira on the dollar. Innovation through creative research and development has proven Ensley® to be a miracle substance.

Mr. Harper has, through shrewd philanthropic gestures, secured the cooperation of several industries in including his products in theirs.

Mr. Harper has done much to improve the world via the influcence of his Ensley® Foundation. Most notable is his reduction of terrorism. He has single-handedly bought off ISIS by giving them each a condo in Orlando, a Disney life-pass, a company car, and a hemeEnsley® infusion. "Let's face it," one anonymous terrorist recently stated, "an air-conditioned babe-trap pad, set of free wheels, and a six-figure pension in a make-believe leisure living paradise sure beats the tents, the sand up your ass, and the absolutely NO FUN that's been life as we know it for a couple of thousand years. Oh, and no camels-- ahh...to sniff the air and smell...no camels..."

hemeEnsley® as artificial blood

Because of its peculiar "interweaving" multivalence, a ferric polymerized version of Ensley® (trademarked as "hemeEnsley") has been shown to have a particularly euphoric affinity for oxygen. It's user-friendly dissociation curve tends to wash out CO2 particularly well under stressful conditions.

Of course, one would want to stay away from FM stations that cater to "classic rock," for the frequency modulation of the radio waves, combined with the analog resonance of some particular songs, have tended to cause many unfortunate persons and terrorists to undergo spontaneous combustion.

DISCLAIMER: When receiving hemeEnsley, all legal exclusions and "hold harmless" clauses apply. Avoid 97.5 and 104.7 MHz, but your airplay may vary.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Friday, August 16, Day 229 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Accompaniment photos were AI-generated but the combustions were not.

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THIS CHALLENGE GRINDS ON, 366 WORDS AT A TIME...

There are currently three surviving prolific, pretentious, promiscuous, and copacetic Vocal scribbling scribes still participating in the insane, inane, pre-election 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, (challenge originator)

• Rachel Deeming (challenge participant)

• Gerard DiLeo (Tru-grip inflatable sex toy)

Read them. Support them. And remember to avoid certain songs* if you've had any infusions of hemeEnsley®.

*Light My Fire, We Didn't Start the Fire, Great Balls of Fire, Girl on Fire, Rng of Fire, and others.