210 — Declaration of Co-Dependence

When in the Course of human events, our wedding being a big, expensive one, it becomes necessary to dissolve our wedding bands connecting us, and to assume the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and God entitle me, I should declare the causes which impel us to the separation.

That whenever any Form of Relationship becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Partners to alter or to abolish it, to institute in such form, as to them shall effect most likely their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Marriage long established should not be changed for light and transient causes, such as leaving the toilet seat up or refusing to talk all lovey-dovey on the phone in front of Others. And accordingly, two inalienable wrongs don't make an inalienable right. Whether the aliens are right or doubly wrong, inalienably.

And all experience hath shewn, that men are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed when make-up sex is such a great way to pursue Happiness. And as such, all men are created Pussies.

When a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably a design to reduce him under absolute Despotism, it is my right, my duty, to throw off one's Vows, to provide Greener Grass for future security.

The history of our present Relationship is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over me.

The seat stays up!

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world:

You have called together copulative conjunctions (not ands or ifs, but butts) at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their pubic Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing me into compliance with your positions.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created selfish and self-serving. And that all men are created uneasy and unintelligible, and some are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. With or without you.

But I just can't.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Sunday, July 28, Day 210 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N or PS)

Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated but the founding fatherhood was not.

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THIS CHALLENGE GRINDS ON, 366 WORDS AT A TIME:

There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the insane 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator

• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

Read them. Support them. And believe their truths that are self-evident.